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Postcards From a Sex Nerd—Danish Delight: Sensual Copenhagen

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  Sex Without Baggage

I first became aware of the delightful Danish attitude toward sex there years ago, when I was presenting at various events, including the Manifest fetish soirees. While nothing fazes Danes, with their blend of practicality and compassion, they’ve not become jaded about eroticism either; approaching sexuality as a healthy component of the human condition.

When teaching sex and kink skills classes in many other places, I often feel as if I spend an inordinate amount of time reducing anxiety and guilt, gently coaxing students to open their minds to greater pleasure potential, all the while easing their experience with a big dollop of humor lube. In places of where the cultural baggage around sexuality is heavier, a single blowjob class often requires so much energy that I find myself exhausted. But not so in Copenhagen.

The Little Mermaid

The people I’ve met in classes—students, organizers and demo assistants—have all been remarkably open to experiencing new things. Hesitation, embarrassment and posturing bravado used to mask emotional insecurities seem almost non-existent. Believe me, it’s lot easier to talk frankly about sex when there aren’t so many emotional landmines to navigate around.

Not only is it easy to talk, teach and learn about sexuality in Denmark, Danes don’t hesitate to go deeper into the realm of the human spirit and the mysteries of potential transformative power of sex—all without the language of religiosity. Neither do they use terms of spirituality appropriated from other excoticized cultures, or attribute their personal experiences to external, omniscient entities.

It’s refreshing to be able to speak of spirituality in a human reality. As one of the most secular populations, they seem very savvy and comfortable in exploring the wonders of the human state, and still be awed in the pureness of the experience.

Their practical and realistic approach to sexuality extends to the realm of kink as well. Not only does Denmark boast a BDSM-dedicated social association—SMil (meaning “smile” in Danish), whose goals are good play, community outreach and political activism, the Danes are so cool that such organizations can qualify for public grants for the sake of positive social development. Founded in 1979, SMil has been continuously active and democratically organized. They have a lovely play space as well. (When you’re in Copenhagen, see if you can go to an open-to-the-public party or be sponsored by a member.)

  The Design Factor

Of course, you can’t talk about Denmark without mentioning design. The Scandinavian aesthetic is sleek, minimal and highly functional; a mixture of Zen sensibility that celebrates natural, sustainable materials and human ingenuity, all accented by a bit of whimsy. Because their design is just plain sexy, it’s hard not to see sex toy potential in even the most banal of objects.

My shopping trip to Illums Bolighus home design store had me positively creaming my panties over ordinary household objects. (I’m sure the sales staff found the squealing American amusing.)

Guess what these items are. What do you think they should be?
(Answers 1-6 below)







Several furniture pieces showed great possibility for sex and kink.

Here are two chairs, made of rope with metal or wood that were comfortable and ideal for bondage.

The Stingray Chair by Thomas Pedersen is likely the most comfortable and attractive sex chair ever.

Traditional Danish design is also highly sensual and sexually useful as well. Walking down an ancient street, some whips, crops and harnesses caught my eye. What I thought might be an SM leather boutique turned out to be Dahlman, a saddlemaker shop more than 200 years old, that created tack leathers for the royalty and bluebloods of Denmark.

The leatherwork, belts, crops, bridals and other accessories were immaculate. Who needs Hermes? I’m only buying from these guys! I’ll be saving up for their unique double-strand women’s belt next time. Oddly, I spotted a rather large dog collar and leash hanging on the wall. The owner said a man had special ordered it, but never came in to pick it up. I sense that somewhere in Denmark, a D/s relationship didn’t end as planned.

Of course there are stores that carry well-designed goods created specifically for erotic delights. In particular I love Lust, a pretty boutique creating a pleasure place for women.

I also met a local whipmaker, Troels Jespersen, who combines the Danish design aesthetics with high craftsmanship and sensuous details. (His website’s pretty damned cool, too.) I’ve not had the pleasure to use one of his whips yet, but I am curious to give them a test swing sometime.

Having only just scratched the surface of Danish sensuality, I know there’s more to be discovered. Next time, I do hope to be able to explore some of the other sexual spaces and communities—such as swingers and Tantra practitioners—on my next visit. If what I’ve seen and felt is of any indication so far, it’s going to be a fun time!

(Hey, did I mention that they’re really tall, really blond and really gorgeous, as well as sex positive? Just checkin’)


1. Trivet, rubber and metal
2. Napkin ring
3. Vase
4. Coat hanger
5. Key rings
6. Key rings and phone leashes


Contributor: Peter Slemrian
Peter Slemrian  

What a wonderful and enlightning article Midori! By reading your reflections I strongly believe you have a lot in common with our Danish mindset of enjoying those essential values of life, not shameful about being kinksters exploring our sexuality. Hope to se you again soon in Copenhagen as we want more of your exiting sensual workshops! Now I just can't wait to read your next article :o)