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Talking About The First Time

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I think we all remember the first blowjob we ever gave. But do we remember why we gave it?


Contributor: Hubby80

Good story

Contributor: Silverdrop

I can understand a man not caring for blowjobs, because I'm fairly indifferent to cunnilingus. My boyfriend does it to me for his own pleasure, but it's a little sad that I can't enjoy it as much as he enjoys receiving blowjobs.

As for fellatio, I've loved it from the first time. It's awesome.

Contributor: LUCKY69

nice article !!

Contributor: tubist

I have always given it to my wife, and she used to do the same. I made a mistake when we were dating of cumming and not telling her...she didn't care for that, but no big deal. I'd ask for it every so often (months in between) and she would always oblige, if just for a couple of minutes before final act.

Then, when the kids came along, and everything was delayed, I made the mistake of asking for it in a drunken stupor because it seemed like it had been so long. She was so tired and I woke her up only for her to say she hated it and would never do it again. It was years before I asked again, and stupidly drunk (yes, I see the theme).

Now her reaction is very visceral. She said it makes her think of a bad time with some boy (that took two proddings). Worried that I might know this boy, I pushed her to talk again, and all she would say is that it was in a specific place in college. She only lived there one semester, so it is less likely I know who it was which helps a little.

It pains me that I desire something that might be trivial to some, but to me is not just pleasure. It's intimacy with my wife that I may never get again (better to have had...)! I don't need it to completion, just the feeling of her mouth makes me shudder.

I love her, and I'll continue to provide her with whatever she will let me! Thank you for starting this conversation...

Contributor: tubist

^^ I guess this hit home because I assume it was her first time...too afraid to ask...

Contributor: Jenny Swallows

Hi Tubist

You're right, there's definitely a theme there and, sadly, it's one that completely contradicts your need for the intimacy - the only times he asks for one is when he's drunk. Which definitely isn't the most attractive invitation a girl has ever had

I think where a lot of problems lie, for you and for others is - no matter how much someone may love giving or receiving, oral sex is a gift, or it ought to be. And while there are certain times when we have little option about giving gifts (birthdays, holidays, etc), the best ones are usually those when it's unexpected... I'm giving you this just because. It's a surprise, it's an impulse, it's a treat. I know if my partner woke me up, drunk or otherwise, and told me I needed to get him a new attachment for his drill, I'd be telling him where to stick it. The analogy isn't 100% accurate, but hopefully you see where I'm going with that?

And then there's that episode from her past that clearly isn't something that she has been able to put behind her - although she was at least willing to "give it a go" when you were dating (and for a while afterwards as well?) Which apparently is not uncommon - in fact, I even remember a scene in a movie (or possibly a cable show) where a bride-to-be celebrates the night before her wedding by announcing "and I'll never have to do that again." (Or words to that effect.)

That is a discussion for another time; for you, I'd say your "priority" is to gently (and I mean gently, so no announcing, out of the blue, "I want to talk about blowjobs") encourage your wife to explore the pleasure that she can derive from the act... the joy not only of giving, but of doing as well. And maybe, gently again, a reminder that whatever happened in the past - which, I'd be willing to bet, involved the boyfriend simply sticking his cock in her mouth and then pushing as hard as he could - does not need to happen in the future. There is a lot more to fellatio than getting a mouthful of meat. Tongues, teeth, kisses and nibbles are just as alluring, just as intimate... and they don't make your jaw ache either.

Good luck!

Contributor: tubist

Thank you

Everything you've said is true; your assumptions correct, and my course of action clear. I bought the book (above) in hopes of understanding more first times and it's fascinating! I hope I can read a few poems & stories to her; sober of course

Contributor: Jenny Swallows

good luck (and let me know how it goes! ) Reading aloud is great, not only because it's arousing in itself, but also because it can open doors to both conversation and curiosity!

Contributor: tubist

So, a few more trys, and it's certain that she is not going to take me in her mouth any time soon. I'm not even interested in trying to convince her that just the tip with long hand strokes would suffice...I don't think that would ease what ever suffering she still feels, and that it looks to be a physical reaction to my attempts (but not to me).

Being much more healthy behaviorally and physically, we have gotten more adventurous in other ways such as taking advantage of an empty house which thankfully happens 2-3 times per week, using post exercise time as an excuse to mess around, and I even used her chest pushing between her extra deep cleavage (meaning I was so close to her mouth). That was fun We'll be fine no matter what the outcome. I think she feels (and I mean FEELS the physical difference in my stamina and strength, and the emotional bond we have has never been stronger. Still drinking, but doing it a lot smarter and a bit less...usually too tired after working and just working or looking forward to something else that's better with less drink. Thanks for listening, Jenny. Made my first call to a local therapist to talk things thru just an hour ago




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