Is it bad to use sex toys?

Is it bad to use sex toys?

hmb12 hmb12
I had a guy friend tell me that my boyfriend must not be be spicing things up for me, since I've been spending a lot of time looking at toys on EF. At first, my boyfriend felt the same way about my vibrator "being better than his penis". I completely disagree, but I want to know what everyone else thinks.
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
I disagree. Toys are just an extra something to add to an already amazing sex life!
132
I'm not sure... I also wonder if my significant other would rather use sex toys than have sex without them.
2
I agree, I don't like the idea of my significant other needing to use sex toys during sex, or at all.
1
Total votes: 135 (135 voters)
Poll is closed
09/21/2012
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Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
I somehow doubt you're going to get a whole lot of people on a sex toy website saying it's bad to use them.

It's sad how insecure some people are about toys. They're great, but they're no replacement for the real thing (the don't move on their own, can't hug you, often only are one- or two-trick ponies, etc.).

Here's a couple of Sexis articles that explain it a bit better than I could. Perhaps your friend ought to have a look:

Common Myths About Sex Toys
Why Guys Shouldn't Be Afraid of Sex Toys
09/21/2012
travelnurse travelnurse
Ah this is the wrong place to ask that question
09/21/2012
SecretKinksters SecretKinksters
Quote:
Originally posted by travelnurse
Ah this is the wrong place to ask that question
My thoughts exactly.
09/21/2012
SneakersAndPearls SneakersAndPearls
I think there may be two versions of this thread running around here somewhere.
09/21/2012
Leather & Lace Leather & Lace
Nope, perfectly fine.
09/21/2012
chikisses chikisses
I think it's fine. That guy may one one of those that don't approve of toys. Maybe even jealous!
09/21/2012
RonLee RonLee
LOL!
09/21/2012
edeneve edeneve
sex toys can also revive a lacking sex life.
09/21/2012
amazon amazon
That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. You're friend is an idiot (and probably repressed)
09/21/2012
Master DarkWolf Master DarkWolf
Naw there is nothing bad about it in general...
09/21/2012
DreamWolf DreamWolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Master DarkWolf
Naw there is nothing bad about it in general...
Agreed...
09/21/2012
indiglo indiglo
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
I somehow doubt you're going to get a whole lot of people on a sex toy website saying it's bad to use them.

It's sad how insecure some people are about toys. They're great, but they're no replacement for the real thing ...
Too true! lol


For my man and me, toys are a wonderful addition to our sex life - they help us enjoy each other even more than we would otherwise! He sees them as his allies, and so do I. I rarely use them by myself, generally just with him - but when I do use them by myself, they still improve our sex life!
09/21/2012
Rossie Rossie
That guy friend of yours must have some self-confidence problem in the sex department - do not let him influence your boyfriend with that kind of negative thinking.
09/21/2012
bayosgirl bayosgirl
Wow, that's pretty close minded of your friend. The use of sex toys is not a sign of an unfulfilling relationship; on the contrary, they're an ENHANCEMENT.
09/21/2012
ShadowedSeductress ShadowedSeductress
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
I somehow doubt you're going to get a whole lot of people on a sex toy website saying it's bad to use them.

It's sad how insecure some people are about toys. They're great, but they're no replacement for the real thing ...
Hey thanks for using my article as an example!
09/21/2012
ShadowedSeductress ShadowedSeductress
Sex toys have done nothing but improve my sex life. Sometimes females can take a while to reach orgasm, toys can help to take some stress off of your partner.

Not only that, but they really do spice of your sex life! Don't get me wrong nothing could replace my partner, but it's nice to be able to change things up in the bedroom.

I don't like when people say things like "Better than the real thing!" That just isn't true. Like another poster said, they don't show affection.
09/21/2012
Supervixen Supervixen
Sex toys enhance your experiences with your partner. They aren't a substitute.

I can't help but roll my eyes at men who get all butthurt about the fact that their penis may just not be God's gift to women. Get over yourself. There are countless sexual experiences that you can share with another person, and guess what? They don't all revolve around your cock (which, by the way, most of us women can't get off on without some help). The best lovers are adventurous lovers--they are always thinking of new ways to have fun in the bedroom, and they aren't afraid to add toys into the mix. Bad lovers sit around and feel intimidated by vibrators and dildos. If you're really that insecure about your sexual prowess, then guess what? You probably have reason to be--and it's not the sex toy's fault.

I don't NEED lingerie and costumes to be sexually enticing to my partner. I like wearing them sometimes though because it's fun, and it adds variety to our sex lives. It's kind of like saying, "wow, your cooking must be really unsatisfying and not any good at all, because you're shopping for spices." I'm not going to add the spices to every dish, but I am going to experiment with them, find the ones I like, and enjoy the different tastes they add. Who doesn't like cooking with spices?

Sigh...I'm sorry, it just really pisses me off. People are so stupid about sex sometimes, it just makes me want to slap them. We all have our egos wrapped up a bit in our skills as lovers, but there has to be (or there should be) some point where you're mature enough to stop looking for validation from your partners, and start looking at sex as an experience with many different possibilities. Insecure lovers, selfish lovers, immature lovers and unadventurous lovers are BORING. And they suck in bed, but not in a good way. Funny how worrying about what your girlfriend's vibrator says about your sexual skills ends up being that self fulfilling prophecy--congrats; your hang ups are ruining your sex life and the vibrator is probably looking better and better every time your ego rains on what could have been a happy sexual experience.
09/21/2012
Pudyqat Pudyqat
I think they are fine as long as the aren't an absolute requirement for getting off -- you know?
09/22/2012
PepperPot PepperPot
Shows how much your guy friend knows.. I feel sorry for *his* girlfriend
09/22/2012
K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by hmb12
I had a guy friend tell me that my boyfriend must not be be spicing things up for me, since I've been spending a lot of time looking at toys on EF. At first, my boyfriend felt the same way about my vibrator "being better than his ...
Okay, I voted No it's not "bad," but I feel it *CAN* be good or bad to some extent and depending. I'll explain in a moment.

First of all, any other person who gives advice on your sex life should really not be taken into consideration very much because it's unlikely they know what your sex life is all about. A lot of people just jump to conclusions and if they're not in the room with you and your partner each time you have sex, they know truly nothing about what or why you do what you do in the bedroom.

Now, are sex toys bad? No, but they could be bad for some relationships if it's come to a point where they're being used in place of your partner. That would signify that something truly is serious in the relationship and should be addressed. I personally never choose a sex toy over my partner's sex. Ever. My Sqweel 2 "oral sex toy" is never used in place of my partner's oral sex. I don't even own realistic dildos because I have a partner, so they would be of no use to me personally.

I mostly use my toys as foreplay. He'll use them on me as a way to just pu our personal fun (different types of stimulation) into the mix or as you said "spice it up." Your friend probably doesn't know much about toys at all, but maybe just has the idea that they're a replacement for real human sex? Only you know. And most of us here are married couples or people in relationships who use incorporate our toy use in our foreplay or other play with a partner. It's just a part of adding to the sex, not replacing a partner when you do it a certain way.

Then there are people who have no interest in sex with their partner, but instead prefer to be alone with a toy. That is the only time I'd be worried or concerned about our relationship needing spice or not being enough. Personally, I could do without my toys and most of the time, I don't use them. They're just there for the beginning show and the fun when I'm in the mood for that kind of thing, never to replace him. In my opinion, unless that is what's happening or a person is really unsatisfied, there's not a problem. For us, anyway.

My partner doesn't mind, he actually enjoys using the toys we have on me! However, I could kind of see a man's point if his partner said "not tonight honey," but dragged out a massive realistic dildo. Lol. And vice-versa. I could understand a woman's point too, if her partner said "not interested tonight" but grabbed one of those masturbators. That could very well make someone feel unwanted or not good enough, but unless something like that is happening, it's no concern of ours.
09/22/2012
RedKyuubi RedKyuubi
Toys add fun. They are not bad
09/22/2012
Falsepast Falsepast
If it's bad, then we're all just SO terrible.
09/22/2012
Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
Quote:
Originally posted by Pudyqat
I think they are fine as long as the aren't an absolute requirement for getting off -- you know?
There are some women (and probably men, too, but it seems to be more common in women) in the world who have extreme difficulty achieving orgasm without a strong vibrator, so it's not quite fair to say that toys shouldn't be a requirement for them. It'd make more sense to say that partners shouldn't completely ignore one another for their toys.
09/22/2012
NaughtyNikkie NaughtyNikkie
Sex toys are a wonderful thing!!
I agree with many above you will never find people on a sex toy website saying toys are bad!!
09/22/2012
Trysexual Trysexual
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
I somehow doubt you're going to get a whole lot of people on a sex toy website saying it's bad to use them.

It's sad how insecure some people are about toys. They're great, but they're no replacement for the real thing ...
So true..some boys like toys too
09/22/2012
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
There are some women (and probably men, too, but it seems to be more common in women) in the world who have extreme difficulty achieving orgasm without a strong vibrator, so it's not quite fair to say that toys shouldn't be a requirement for ...
Thank you!

I used to have a hair trigger ability to orgasm. I would ask my partner to slow down, do "something else" or even stop because I used to be able to come so easily and quickly, that I would get bored if he took longer to come sometimes.

Add a hormonal issue to the mix, and I started having issued with orgasm. It was my man's idea to buy sex toys. He bought our first 4 or 5 toys, and at first I didn't like the idea. But, I realized I was having problems, and we use them not only for fun (because they are fun) but therapeutically.

My issue with orgasm happened before we EVER used or bought a single sex toy, so toys aren't the cause.

I can honestly say, good quality sex toys have saved our sex life. I used to get so frustrated, not being able to come from things that felt good and used to get me to come but no longer could, that I was almost ready to give up.

Toys saved our sex life. We usually actually start with just hands and mouths and bodies, and then move to toys as I get closer to orgasm. Then we used them (or not) after I have my first orgasm for more fun. After the first one, I can usually have others from his efforts alone, but there are things we do that require more than one penetrating.... thing. So, we use toys through most of our sex sessions. And we also have sessions where we don't use them. But, those are usually quickies where I know I'm not going to come, either because I did the night (or morning) before, or I will that night (or morning.)

I can't imagine what would have happened to out sex life if my husband had been one of those men who was threatened by sex toys. We probably would have some serious sexual problems.

IMO, some men need to grow up and realize toys are not to replace them, but to add fun and sometimes are necessary for a healthy sex life.
09/22/2012
panthercat23 panthercat23
I think your friend is rather insecure. Toys are good but never a substitute for the real thing (unless it's bad).
09/22/2012
Supervixen Supervixen
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
There are some women (and probably men, too, but it seems to be more common in women) in the world who have extreme difficulty achieving orgasm without a strong vibrator, so it's not quite fair to say that toys shouldn't be a requirement for ...
Exactly!

Also guys, there's A LOT more to sex than orgasm. I used to have trouble reaching orgasm with my partner (and every partner before him, actually), because I had a hard time relaxing and just being in the moment. That doesn't mean I didn't have a wonderful time with him then. Other things feel good too, the intimacy is wonderful, and I would never replace an actual human companion with an inanimate object.

It's unfair to suggest that women who need a strong vibrator in order to get off are replacing their SO, or that if they can't get off any other way, then they aren't enjoying sex. There isn't anything "wrong" with these women's bodies--that's just how they are made. It's probably frustrating enough to feel that you are missing out on experiencing orgasm, only to be told that there's something wrong with you or your relationship because of the way your body works. Everyone is different, and they don't need to be shamed away from finding methods that work for them, just because there insensitive jerks out there who don't get how complicated female sexuality can be, and who place their ego before their woman's pleasure.

Her pleasure is not about stroking his ego--her pleasure is about HER PLEASURE, and you can either be a man about it and support and accommodate her, or you can be a whiny little boy about it. See which one gets you the happy sex life with the fulfilled partner who adores you, and which one gets you the frustrated, unfulfilled partner who resents you.
09/22/2012
Bethy Cassatt Bethy Cassatt
No sex toy will save a failing sex life or relationship. I get toys because I'm already having fun, and these toys help me learn more about myself to be a better sex partner. I wasn't suffering before I got toys, and I'm sure not sufferin' now, hahaha
09/22/2012
Total posts: 96
Unique posters: 82