Sex Toys In Your Love Life: 7 Answers To Questions You Want To Ask

EdenForum Discussions’ Summary

"Should our couple use sex toys or not?" "How will toys affect our sex life?" "What should I do if my partner doesn’t want to use sex toys but I do?" These are the questions we hear most often, but the answers may surprise you - in a good way. We’ve gathered a series of objective insights from sex-positive toy enthusiasts from the EdenFantasys community that will help you make informed decisions and smart toy choices.

1. Does Using Sex Toys Make Me A "Bad Lover"?

While both sexes wonder, this is usually more of an issue for male partners. Men tend to be sensitive about anything that suggests their sexual performance might be lacking, sometimes making the introduction of sex toys more difficult for those who have never used them in their relationships.

Ironically, the use of sex toys is likely to make men - and women! - better lovers, not worse ones. As proven by the copious positive feedback from our community, sex toys are one of the best ways to unleash sexual potential and a fabulous tool for both exploration and delivering pleasure. So, if learning your “Four Os” - how to delay an O, cause an O, get ready for the next O, and have multiple Os - sex toys are an incomparable teaching tool.

From what we’ve learned, the best lovers are adventurous lovers. Offering your partner new ways to have fun in the bedroom by adding toys to the mix shows you’re confident and willing to go the extra mile to make sure they’re satisfied. Is that bad? No way. Is it arousing? Yes! And our forum users agree. See for yourself as they discuss their first-person experiences here.

Toys help you explore on your own, and no one should be ashamed of trying to improve their game.

We polled our community and asked: "Is using sex toys bad for your love life?" For a stunning 97.8%, the answer was, "No!" In fact, our connoisseurs agreed that sex toys add an extra something special to an already amazing sex life. But what about that 0.73 % who considered sex toys a bad habit? Our guess is that they just haven’t found the right toy yet!

2. Does Using Sex Toys Mean My Partner Wants To Replace Me?

Okay, step off the ledge. Most people who use sex toys are not looking to swap them out for the real deal. The next time your boo brings a toy to bed, more than likely, they want to seduce you with it or try taking your usual routine to a new level. Our advice? Let them. According to our research, many people enjoy using sex toys with their partner because it lets them enjoy one another even more.

As our forum members will tell you, there are no reasons to feel guilty about using toys solo, either. Even our fiercest toy fanatics confess nothing can take the place of the warm and tender embraces of their SO. Enjoying toys once in a while is totally different from preferring them to a partner. Don’t believe us? Read this discussion and lay any doubts you might have to rest once and for all.

For my man and me, toys are a wonderful addition to our sex life. They help us enjoy each other even more than we would otherwise! He sees them as his allies, and so do I.

3. How Can I Convince My Partner To Try Sex Toys?

As we said, guys can be intimidated by sex toys, but once you explain what a nice addition they can make to your sex life, it should be easier to break the ice. But be sensitive. For instance, bragging what a big bang you get from that huge dildo probably isn’t the best idea. Introduce the idea of using sex toys slowly, and always respect your partner’s feelings and wishes. As one member of this discussion advises, when you feel your partner is ready, playfully suggest testing out a small couple-friendly toy together. (Remember, your partner will likely feel more relaxed if he knows he can control the situation and the stimulation. If you’re just starting out, let him hold the toy and try it on you.)

My advice would be to start with a small clitoral vibrator, something like a bullet. It also might help if she lets him control the toy, if he's using it on her it's still him giving her pleasure.

Another great idea one of our members proposed is to shop for your toys together:

I think the more involved he is, the more likely his worries will eventually lessen and perhaps disappear altogether.

Some of our members’ tips are a bit more drastic-sounding, but no less delightful. If the idea of BDSM play is intriguing - even if you haven’t tried it yet - as described one of our members in this discussion adding sex toys in the heat of a sub/dom session is a natural, exciting extension of rough play.

My wife only used to like using toys on me, until I tied her up (consensual BDSM play) and made her climax several times with a Hitachi Magic Wand! Now she likes vibrators and sometimes uses one solo!

4. What’s A Good First Toy For Couples To Try?

As they say, you only get one chance to make a good first impression so, choosing the right first couples’ toy is very important for your relationship because it can determine your entire attitude going forward. It’s true, with so many choices, finding “the one” may seem daunting, but if you put your heads together and figure out what sexy things interest both of you, it will make deciding easier. This forum thread forum thread offers lots of inspiration, along with a tried-and-true list of go-to couples sex toys that are bound to set you in the right direction.

We often recommend a cock ring with a vibrating option as a perfect starter toy. Cock rings fit any size penis, are non-intimidating in appearance, and wearing one won’t make a male partner feeling like there is “a stranger” in your bed.

Another perfect segue into the world of sex toys is a bullet vibrator. Bullet vibes are slender, easy to grip and apply, and still very powerful. Need more suggestions on choosing your first sex toy? We’ve got the answers right here.

Our first one was a bullet vibe. It was the least intimidating, and it was easy to use to tease both partners. We could put it between us during sex. A stretchy cock ring that vibrates could be fun... And also lube, yes, yes, yes!

5. Can Toys Improve Sex For Couples In Long-Term Relationships?

One of the most common problems that couples who’ve been together for any length of time complain about is “lack of newness.” There’s no reason to let things go until you reach the point where both of you are just going through the motions!

There are huge advantages to strong, long-term relationships: trust, commitment, and understanding. All of these things make a perfect springboard for trying more adventurous activities like pegging, hyperstimulation, and electro-stimulation. Advanced techniques such as these may be too extreme for couples who lack a solid emotional foundation, but for those who are ready and willing, they deliver a new dimension of extreme pleasure and sexual solidarity right along with mind-blowing orgasms. (If you want to learn some of the ways our forum crew has enhanced their long-term relationship pleasure, check out this thread.

We have been married almost forty years and our relationship is still smoking hot, and part of that is we keep having fun, together, both in and out of the bedroom, and we always find new activities to keep us growing, as a couple.
Nipple suction, nipple clamps and finally electro-sex became a part of our intimate time.

6. Can Using Toys Help Long-Distance Relationships Stay Sexy?

Whether your partner is temporarily away on business, or lives on the other side of the globe, long-distance relationships are all fraught with same issues: lack of physical contact, loneliness, low levels of sexual satisfaction - or even its absence altogether. Considering the many ways our generation has at its disposal to communicate, that’s just a shame. Video dates, phone sex, and smart sex toys all allow users to experience immersive lovemaking sessions that can fend off the alienation that’s so detrimental to long-distance relationships. If you need tips for successful long-distance dating, our members are only too happy to share theirs in this discussion.

Skype sex, as we call it, has almost become a ritual... I think it’s hot seeing him screw his realistic pussy... it helps me get off.

Fortunately, there are tons of sex toys that can rekindle the fire of your long-distance love affair. Vibrating dildos and masturbators, remote-control vibrators and role-play toys are just a few. The choices are limitless, and the impact is enormously positive for this kind of relationship. And should you need it, you’ll find even more inspiration for keeping your long-distance sex life smokin’ right here.

Our phone sex sessions he talks dirty to me, and then tells me how to use one of my toys. It’s pretty damn hot if you ask me.

7. How Have Sex Toys Changed Your Relationship Experience?

In one of our forum polls, a full 90% of our community members acknowledged that using toys enhanced their sex life.

It’s hard to believe how many positive sex toy stories we get on our forum threads. But this discussion and this one are just the tip of the proverbial iceberg.

Women usually share how sex toys improved the quality of their sex life, and helped them not only to experience orgasms more easily but more intensely. They also relate how sex toys allowed them to open up and become more aware of their sexuality, and how using them rekindled the passion in their long-term relationships.

Sex toys have added to the playtime, providing lots of laughter and hours more time spent enjoying each other. This is good.

Men have slightly different goals when using sex toys with a female partner. As our members often confess, using sex toys helped them convince their SO to try new things and be more adventurous in the bedroom.

We have become very open with each other about our fantasies and other sexual ideas and thoughts. Incredible, and I almost missed out!

Summary: While our forum members have many different opinions on which toys deliver the sweetest orgasms, or what techniques bring the most satisfaction, they unanimously agree on one thing: sex toys are fantastically effective tools available for any couple that wants to add something to their sex life. Don’t be afraid to experiment. Try different products, mix them up, and see what your partner loves best. Enjoying one another as a couple is the first step on a long, happy journey on the road to orgasmic pleasure!

Special Thanks To:

  • Thumper Logic - relationships expert, talented reviewer, author of 713 posts.
  • ShadowedSeductress - passionate writer, sex toy lover, author of 1254 posts.
  • Alicia - advanced reviewer, honorable ambassador, author of 2089 posts.
  • spiced - kink expert, sex writer and inspirator, author of 2647 posts.
  • gone77 - female sex toys expert, advanced reviewer, author of 2205 posts.
  • Bignuf - a loving couple, loyal EF customers for 5 years, authors of 12124 posts.
  • Moein - E-stim play expert, fair reviewer, author of 798 posts.
  • hisgirl61612 - a devoted wife, proud review beginner and ambassador.
  • Callisto - female sex toys connoisseur, active writer and ambassador, author of 973 posts.
  • Woman China - sensual love sex toys expert, worldly-wise community member, author of 3334 posts.
  • js250 - experienced and honest reviewer, creative writer, author of 8921 posts.