Pretty in Pink (Inside and Out!)

The best use for this vibrator is internally - and it really does work. I don't thrust so much with it, but I do press up against my G-spot, and the vibrations at the highest setting really work for me.

In all honesty, I was NOT expecting to enjoy this toy, but I got it free for signing up for the Eden newsletter. I don't normally like internal vibes and planned to use it as a clitoral toy or a dildo, but not as an internal vibe. I tried it out anyway, just to give it a whirl, and whoa, did I realize that maybe some vibes are built better than others. If you just press it up a bit against your G-spot, it rubs just right and vibrates so nicely.

It can also be used a clitoral vibe, as I originally intended to use it as. Because of the material and the drag of the texture on the phallic vibe, though, I would not use it as a dildo (when you are out of batteries or just don't want vibrations) because it tends to catch on the body and cause a bit of uncomfortable friction.

It's pretty quiet on the lowest setting, but once it gets up there in strength, you won't want someone in the room with you if you're using this because it's way too loud for that. I'd say no on roommates, but yes, if you're with housemates who have other rooms that they sleep in.

Anytime you're alone, you can use this toy, but it's very obviously a vibrator and not trying to be anything different. It is, in fact, quite phallic with veins and a pretty correct looking head and shaft. The head bends and flexes nicely, and it's very soft along the shaft externally, though internally it's quite hard with the tube that holds the motor and the batteries.

The material feels really wonderful. It's soft and feels enough like skin that I am able to fantasize that it is real (work with me on this!); however, the smell is just plain awful. It arrived, and I was pretty excited when I pulled it out of its package, but...the stench was just off-putting. It smelled like gasoline, and upon closer inspection when I licked it (for science!), I found it tasted awful too. I cleaned it with the spray I ordered once upon a time from Eden, but that didn't rid it off the stench or the awful taste.

I let it sit a week without being used, and I cleaned it every day, and then I came back to it today. I found the stench was not nearly as bad, but licking it is still not on the table at this particular time. That is a bummer because I have an oral fixation, and I love having shafts in my mouth, real or not.

The texture of this material is ace though. There are veins throughout the shaft, and at the head there is a lovely groove, just like on a real circumcised dick. It looks real and mostly feels pretty real, even if the color is a bit too baby pink for my tastes.

I really liked this design. The head is flexible as shown above. That means that, unlike super hard toys that hurt like hell when a partner is pushing them into my body as if there is no limit to me so it hits my cervix, this toy actually doesn't hurt. The head just pushes back and softens the blow. Not only that, but it almost makes something hitting my cervix feel nice. That's so weird.

The shape is phallic, as shown more than once above. If you're not into the penis, you might sign off from this one, because it is not even pretending to be a modern art sex toy that is designed with your shape specifically in mind. It's after looking just like a penis, and it matches up with that pretty nicely. For being like a penis, it works pretty nicely in my cunt, if I am to be honest. It gets the job done, and I can appreciate that, definitely.

The size isn't too big, which is awesome. I'm a bit of a size king, but sometimes I like something smaller and softer to ease me off after a long night of work, and this will fit the bill. It's got about 6 inches that can go in, and it's about an inch and a half at its widest. From beginner to advanced, this is a nicely sized toy – not underwhelming for me, not overwhelming like some others.

This toy is not easy to hide. This toy is not suitable for travel if you are attempting to hide it. You do not (probably) want your in-laws seeing this on Thanksgiving when they walk into the guest room to ask if you're ready for some hot cocoa, and you've got your hot pink lover between your legs while their son or daughter watches on. This is a toy to stay at home and look pretty in its cute, little over the top shade of baby pink.

If you're brave, its size allows it to travel easily, and it's not hard to clean. Plus, it’s a hardy little sucker, so sure, it's suitable for travel. I just wouldn't travel with it.

Shown above: An artist's impression of the horror of getting caught while on vacation with this little baby.

The vibrations are throughout the shaft, up until just before the head. This would be disappointing, but it still feels super great, so I don't care so much myself. I'm just being honest and letting you know.

The function that is the best is - one hundred percent - how this internal vibrator actually works like how it is supposed to by giving vibrations to my insides instead of aimless rumbles like so many other worthless vibrators I have tried. Maybe they're not as strong as some clitoral vibes deliver, but that's no fault to this vibe. It does the trick, and I appreciate it, oh yes, I do.

A negative mark on this baby is how its handle is this stupid, little, black dial at the end that is easy to use, but unfortunately, too easy. When I am trying to thrust it into me when I am all lubed up and ready to play, the dial feels uncomfortable on my hand, and more often than not, turns down the vibrations enough to make me angry and slightly kills the mood for about half a second. If you're more chill than I am when seeking good vibes, you'll probably have no problem, but it takes me at least an hour to come, and minor setbacks make me turn into a tiny dinosaur of roaring…or, you know, it makes me just turn the dial back up to full speed so I can keep going with this little baby.

This toy isn't horribly noisy; it's just not something I would trust myself with in a room with other people. I'm pretty daring about this stuff, but I still wouldn't try it. If you're alone though, and under covers, it's A-ok to use, and no one in another room should hear it unless you're shacked up with Superman, but if that’s the case, why do you need this vibe when you have the Man of Steel?

This toy is waterproof, but the little sticker at the bottom says keep the cap closed tightly. I haven't tried out that function, as I live in a place with several adults who take showers at random times, and there are no locks on the door, but I trust that it is, or they'd not be saying it. Just take a good waterproof lube in and have fun, you little water nymph you.

Another great feature of this thing is how it's not a horrible experience cleaning it. It has ridges and veins, sure, but those aren't deep enough to keep you from getting all the sex gook out when you wipe it down with either 10% bleach in water, or your favorite toy cleanser. It dries pretty nicely too.

I store it in my magical toy chest of wonder, AKA my tool box I got from the department store. Don't store it in the bag it came with. It will not help in keeping it clean if it is even remotely wet when you put it back, because the bag is super clingy plastic. The plastic flattened case it came in might work for storage, but is kind of bulkier than needed and makes it really obvious what is inside, given Eden Fantasys is printed all over the sides, and it's see-through.

This little baby works with silicone or water-based lube, and if you're still using oil-based lube, I'd just recommend you stop that in general, but at the very least don't use it with this toy. Silicone is the way to go, and water-based helps with its waterproof abilities.

It does not have a flared base, so don't go trying to work it into a harness. It won't be tamed that way, friend.

The toy was packaged in two - count it - two things. On the outside is this bendy plastic that is clear and has Eden Fantasys tossed all about on it, so that you know exactly from whom you got it. The second, on the inside, is a clear plastic bag with more words and nothing interesting. No instructions were given, but none were really needed, given how obvious it was on how to use this little toy.

I would not recommend the package being used as a gift or storage box, but you use your best judgment. Maybe for a bachelorette party, but really, I'm over the top obnoxious and overly sexual, and I would still say discretion advised.

I said it above, and let me just reiterate.

I am a power king, yes.

I hate internal vibes as well. That's true.

Even without being the most buzz for my bang and the most bang for my buck in comparison to clitoral vibes, this baby pulled through for me. It's not the strongest vibration I have had (I have a plug-in Wahl "back massager"), but it is worthy of making me moan when it is inside me, and vibrators never, ever do that, not from the inside.

It's not so much a clitoral vibe like I originally intended, but it's given me hope that even a power king like me will be able to find a vibe that is strong enough for my insides, and that's definitely highly praiseworthy.