Man Eaters - hands free masturbator by Big Teaze Toys - review by Daniel & Brittany

I'm not exactly sure where to begin a review on this toy on account of its general greatness, so I think we will begin somewhere we can all enjoy, the funny side of this toy. Now, I know most of you take one look at this toy and laugh your ass off. Well let me assure you the laughs are FAR from over. From the time this toy shows up on your doorstep, it's time for the fun to begin. I'm telling you, my friends, if you want a discreet and humorous masturbator then this is the toy for you. It can easily sit around atop the mantle or any bedside table just waiting to be "jerked" up and "yanked around". Your girlfriend is sure to laugh hysterically when she comes in and finds you in a life threatening struggle with this little guy. It is large enough for most men and more than big enough for me. Just grab it from whatever perch or vantage point it's on and ATTACK!

I would like to make sure everyone knows this toy acts nothing like a sleeve. Thats right no insertion at all, any where on this toy (except batteries). Its function is to vibrate as you rub its mouth up and down your shaft. Its outer coating is made of a nice smooth rubber that feels great, and I think getting this little guy to salivate (with a shot of lube) makes it feel even better. Now he only has a taste for water or silicone based lubes so make sure not to hurt this poor alien. Upon his arrival from his home planet you may find your alien has that "new toy" smell, but fear not as with some time on ours it will pass.

As you have most likely read by now, there are three entirely different levels of vibration depending upon how long and sensual of a struggle you would like, and of course your tolerance to alien vibrations! Give this Man Eaters' belly a single squeeze to turn it on, two to turn it up, and three to send a beautiful shiver up your shaft. I've not yet mentioned the ever so useful and incredible fact that it's waterproof, to make sure there are no accidental alien drownings while hiding in the shower during an epic battle. Another note on fighting with your alien is that he can become fairly loud, not loud enough to hear in the shower (in my experience), but you squeeze him enough someone could definately hear him wailing

All around this is a well rounded toy and this particular alien, unlike a human, will continue to treat you well even if you only pay it attention when you're horny, and cast it to the side when your done (Though, I do recommend cleanup before any casting). cleanup is a total breeze. Just use soap and warm water as you normally would to avoid any "sticky" situations. Yet another great feature of this toy is the fact that you can run it on two AA batteries, unlike so many others that require the use of those N watch batteries that are somewhat hard to locate at times and not always exactly the cheapest if you're a penny pincher like me.

With all the time you save not looking for watch batteries you can whip out Private Johnson and ride valiantly into battle against the mounting threat of Man Eater invasion.

Well, as I have become aware, a few people are waiting on this followup, and I hate to keep my crowd waiting. Admittedly, it has been some weeks since I put on the last suit I'd ever wear (MIB Reference) and tracked down a Man Eater. It didn't take much searching as I soon saw one staring wide eyed and wider mouthed at me from the top of the wardrobe. I carefully retrieved him from amidst the various earth toys and random breakables only to realize my little alien had been coated in a thin film of dust. This made me feel as though I had been neglecting my wee green nemesis, so it was off to the bathroom to give us both a wash. He cleaned up nicely in the shower and with exceptional ease---not to mention that even though I had left the batteries in him (not recommended), he still had plenty of energy for the both of us. The rubber coating was still in 'premo' condition; and, in all, I would say my Man Eater works as well, if not better than before---probably since I went a short while without using him. I have to make a mental note to feed and clean my alien more often, but that's my fault, not his. In all, he's still a great toy that I'm sure I'll love for years to come.