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Rate Me — Not: Why I Don’t Want to Know How Many Stars Your Ex Gave You

Anya Garrett
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These days, you don't really have to go on a first date with a total stranger. You can Google, you can hunt them down on dating review sites, you can get a glimpse into who they are before you ever get a glimpse of them at all. But is this really the best way to get to know someone, or the most accurate for that matter?


Very good points; I absolutely agree. Part of breaking up with a person involves emotionally "moving on--" not just from *them*, but sometimes from the lifestyle that you had with them, or the personality you cultivated in their presence. Whether such changes are a function of their influence, your shared environment with them or even something as mundane as their financial status, your life changes when you split, and so can many behaviors and attitudes. I've known people (including myself) who became unrecognizable versions of their previous selves when they dated a particular person (and later reverted back to themselves when they realized the extent of the monstrous transformation!) and any reports of their conduct from that now-ex should be treated worth a grain of salt, even though they may have been 100% accurate at the time.

With that said, though, some aspects of a person's personality never change (until they personally decide to do so), and stay constant through relationship after relationship. Regardless, the only "detective work" I will willingly conduct is interpersonal, through people I know and trust, and even those rumors (which *is* what they are) should again only be taken worth a grain of salt.

Great article!


Interviews with Award Winning Author of Erotica Rachel Kramer Bussel

  • Writing quality erotica can be very tricky. As both an accomplished editor and author what do you seek out from your work that separates it from other erotica being published?

    Rachel Kramer Bussel is a New York-based author, editor, blogger and reading series host. She is Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations, wrote the Lusty Lady column for The Village Voice, and hosts the monthly In The Flesh Reading Series, where she's booked everyone from Susie Bright to Zane. She has written for Cosmopolitan, The Daily Beast,, Gothamist, Mediabistro, Newsday, New York Post, Penthouse, Playgirl, Time Out New York, and other publications. Her writing has been published in over 100 anthologies, including Best American Erotica 2004 and 2006, the Best Women's Erotica Series, Zane's Succulent: Chocolate Flava II and Purple Panties, and others. She wrote her first erotica story, "Monica and Me," about Monica Lewinsky, in 1999 and has been writing smut, first-person essays and journalism about sex and relationships, pop culture, and books ever since. Rachel has a fondness for spanking, rough sex, hotels and general naughtiness...when she can tear herself away from her computer and iPhone. She also has a unbridled passion for cupcakes which she blogs about frequently at her popular group blog Cupcakes Take the Cake.

     Read full interview

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