Yesterday I got this comment on my blog:
“Good post! Dude, a friend of mine has been trying to increase Ejaculation Volume. He tries semen volume pills to increase production, volume and flavor.”
My first thought was...
“Dear God, let this be spam.” My second thought was that this must be a joke because no one actually wants more semen. But then I went to the website and turns out that men are actually buying these pills because they want to “shock a woman with your enormous semen production”. Um…yeah. We don’t actually want that. I mean, I know it’s the thought that counts, but the thought that you are intentionally taking drugs so you can “drown your woman with bucket-loads of semen” is kind of making me want to throw up. Like, a lot. No one needs bucket-loads of semen, y’all. In fact, I can tell you that in all my years of hearing chicks complain about their men, not a single one has ever said “My man would be great if only he could just make more semen.” You know why? Because none of us want more semen. For real. If anything, a little less would be nice. There’s a reason why no one wants to sleep in the wet spot, dude. Just stop it, already. You’re making it worse.
Things women would prefer instead having “bucket-loads of semen dumped on them”:
1. Flowers.
2. Jewelry.
3. For you to stop throwing rolled-up straw wrappers down our cleavage at restaurants.
4. Molten lava.
5. Pretty much anything.
If you really want to impress your girl, just do this:
Look her in the eyes like you’re seeing her for the first time, say “I bet you have no idea how beautiful you are”, kiss her in that way where your hands are on her face instead of her boobs, give her a smoldering look, lightly press your lips to her on the forehead while you inhale deeply. Then just walk away. Now go load the dishwasher.
That? Was like a billion times sexier than getting slimed by a barrel of semen.
You’ll just have to trust me on this one.
“Good post! Dude, a friend of mine has been trying to increase Ejaculation Volume. He tries semen volume pills to increase production, volume and flavor.”
My first thought was...
“Dear God, let this be spam.” My second thought was that this must be a joke because no one actually wants more semen. But then I went to the website and turns out that men are actually buying these pills because they want to “shock a woman with your enormous semen production”. Um…yeah. We don’t actually want that. I mean, I know it’s the thought that counts, but the thought that you are intentionally taking drugs so you can “drown your woman with bucket-loads of semen” is kind of making me want to throw up. Like, a lot. No one needs bucket-loads of semen, y’all. In fact, I can tell you that in all my years of hearing chicks complain about their men, not a single one has ever said “My man would be great if only he could just make more semen.” You know why? Because none of us want more semen. For real. If anything, a little less would be nice. There’s a reason why no one wants to sleep in the wet spot, dude. Just stop it, already. You’re making it worse.
Things women would prefer instead having “bucket-loads of semen dumped on them”:
1. Flowers.
2. Jewelry.
3. For you to stop throwing rolled-up straw wrappers down our cleavage at restaurants.
4. Molten lava.
5. Pretty much anything.
If you really want to impress your girl, just do this:
Look her in the eyes like you’re seeing her for the first time, say “I bet you have no idea how beautiful you are”, kiss her in that way where your hands are on her face instead of her boobs, give her a smoldering look, lightly press your lips to her on the forehead while you inhale deeply. Then just walk away. Now go load the dishwasher.
That? Was like a billion times sexier than getting slimed by a barrel of semen.
You’ll just have to trust me on this one.
O.M.G. this is so awesome!!!
Thank you, Bloggess.
I don't want more semen, as it might make a baby, and I don't want that.
But what about a way to make semen change colors? White is so boring, how about purple, orange, blue? How about RAINBOW semen? If a guy ejaculated rainbows, that would be great.
Man I can't wait for my man to get a vasectomy. I'll be less afraid of unloaded semen.
I hate to spoil this fun, but guys don't want more semen because they're really trying to impress a woman. Guys do it for themselves. The money shot is for a guy, that's why every porno ends with one. We're visual and that's a great visual moment. Yeah, women want flowers and jewelry, but you're not getting either during sex. Also, the more semen, the better the orgasm feels for a man. And the more times a guy can do it.
What you're describing women want is what married women typically want from their husbands. Although not what the married women I see want. They want semen.
The User Pool
I have to agree with Jason on this one. I want to bathe my lovers in gallons of seed to verify my own virility. It must suck for women, to be the final reservoir; but I imagine that you girl like it to some degree...
On second thought, the clean-up is the worst part of sex!
Also, in order to be considered a good lover - a man does need to consider the woman's needs and wants as well as their own. If she doesn't want semen dumped on her - she doesn't want it. You can't expect all women to act like porn stars - they are getting paid to do what they do.
Seaofneptune: True, I don't expect all women to act like porn stars. Just the ones I sleep with.
Seaofneptune: True, I don't expect all women to act like porn stars. Just the ones I sleep with.
Ever hear of a prostate biopsy? Doctors do things like this for fun and to make their BMW payments. Imagine a organ the size of a plum stabbed repeatedly with an icepick. Now imagine that this organ can only be reached by going up through your ass, and that this organ is directly responsible for making the stuff that shows up when a man orgasms. Semem, to stay on topic.
The little pamphlet said “you might see some blood in your semen”. Heh. It wasn’t tinged with blood. It wasn’t streaked with blood. It looked like rich arterial blood, and there was a lot of it. Great big manly spurts of bright red blood.
Killed the mood, I say. Color change is WAY overrated.
"For you to stop throwing rolled-up straw wrappers down our cleavage at restaurants. " This
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Dear Bloggess- You. Friggin. RAWK. Semen is annoying; not ONLY does it get you PREGNANT (a horrific thought if you aren't married and/or don't want kids), but it's a real pain to clean up (c'mon, guys, I *know* you just wanna lay there, but I can't really get up and clean up after you after I've been accomodating and letting you finish on my chest [which I dislike, but I do as a favor]), AND guys tend to be obsessed with it.
Yes, you like your semen. Yes, more semen = bigger, better orgasm for you. Yes, we get it. Now can you PLEASE stop making it? Because not needing to take care of semen clean up would make sex just oh so amazing for both girls AND guys.
Think about it, guys- if you didn't have to worry about knocking somebody up, or (I'm going under the assumption that neither person has any STDs and it's monogamous/ any outside encounters use condoms) wearing a condom (which I'm told reduces feeling), or dealing with clean up, wouldn't that just be wonderful?! I know I'd lobby for that! XD
Too funny! I'll be sharing this article. The title alone had me rolling
Just amazing. Thank you, lol
I thought my husband was the only one who did the straw wrapper thing. So glad I'm not alone. Now to figure out how to make them stop!
I so agree. Nothing worse then being slimed. Reminds me of mucous. I'm actually gagging a little writing this comment. I'm glad you guys get off and all but it doesn't need to be all over my chest and up in my hair. Ew
Well, to be honest, you cannot say no one wants that. There a lot of people out there who do enjoy it. Everyone is different. You cannot say no one wants it just because you don't want it. I honestly can say that I have a fetish for this type of this. Facials are fun, for me at least. If you don't like it that's your thing, but for me I love it. Heck, given the chance I would probably let a couple of guys splooge on my face.
can you imagine? OH MY GOD baby look at all that semen, it is so much mmmm yeah... Ew I think i just made myself sick. I agree with Jenny I have never thought to myself I wish my guy had MORE semen.
I agree with Gaeuvyen, I might not be a woman, but I do enjoy semen, and more can definitely be hotter! Some women (and men) love lots of it!