I have Google Analytics installed on my main blog and occasionally I look at what people are searching for when they find my blog. Then I cry a little and hide under the bed. Here are a few recent searches that landed people at my blog. Also, I just want to point out that I mean my personal blog, not this sex blog, and that each of these searches were used multiple times. I didn’t ask for this, people. Stop blaming the victim.
The top 50 most fucked-up things people were searching for when they found my blog:
“Sexy teenager cereal monsters”
“What can meth do to your vagina?”
“I’m awesome with dead whores”
“Boob mushroom”
“Cheerleader pee”
“Foul mouthed pixie”
“Huge Labia”
“GIANT LABIA”
“ENORMOUS LABIA”
“Cats ovaries” + “inflamed”
“World of Warcraft blowjob”
“Names for my hookers”
“What happens if you put toothpaste on your nipple”
“Boobs in the grass”
“Chipmunks fuck”
“Does Netflix have gay porn?”
“Disney tampons”
“Mime porn”
“Clown porn”
“Midget porn”
“Clown midget porn”
“Classy porn”
“Nugget porn”
“Sally Struthers porn”
“Amputee porn”
“Sasquatch porn”
“Blue elephant porn”
“Twinkie porn”
“Hobo porn”
“Gay hobo porn”
“Octopus porn”
“Poprocks porn”
“4 limbed amputee porn”
“Porn pics of 109 legless girls”
“Porn for the blind”
“Clown pee”
“Vagina pudding”
“What is the course for the vagina to smell of soup?”
“1700’s vagina”
“Poor little kittens lost your mittens porn picture”
“it is, however, truly comforting to know that you really respect the dead whores”
“You have a picture of a zombie penis on the end of a pole”
“Weird fucking”
“Angry transvestites”
“I’m pretty sure Jesus doesn’t care what you do with semen”
“Aqua vulva”
“a dog named my vagina”
This is when I just decided to stop and walk away, both because I was starting to feel less sexy for not being an amputee and also because I felt a little bad about how disappointed the people searching for that stuff must have been when they found themselves at my blog. Also, I just want to point out that “amputees with 4 limbs” aren’t really amputees at all. I’m trying to help here, y’all.
The top 50 most fucked-up things people were searching for when they found my blog:
“Sexy teenager cereal monsters”
“What can meth do to your vagina?”
“I’m awesome with dead whores”
“Boob mushroom”
“Cheerleader pee”
“Foul mouthed pixie”
“Huge Labia”
“GIANT LABIA”
“ENORMOUS LABIA”
“Cats ovaries” + “inflamed”
“World of Warcraft blowjob”
“Names for my hookers”
“What happens if you put toothpaste on your nipple”
“Boobs in the grass”
“Chipmunks fuck”
“Does Netflix have gay porn?”
“Disney tampons”
“Mime porn”
“Clown porn”
“Midget porn”
“Clown midget porn”
“Classy porn”
“Nugget porn”
“Sally Struthers porn”
“Amputee porn”
“Sasquatch porn”
“Blue elephant porn”
“Twinkie porn”
“Hobo porn”
“Gay hobo porn”
“Octopus porn”
“Poprocks porn”
“4 limbed amputee porn”
“Porn pics of 109 legless girls”
“Porn for the blind”
“Clown pee”
“Vagina pudding”
“What is the course for the vagina to smell of soup?”
“1700’s vagina”
“Poor little kittens lost your mittens porn picture”
“it is, however, truly comforting to know that you really respect the dead whores”
“You have a picture of a zombie penis on the end of a pole”
“Weird fucking”
“Angry transvestites”
“I’m pretty sure Jesus doesn’t care what you do with semen”
“Aqua vulva”
“a dog named my vagina”
This is when I just decided to stop and walk away, both because I was starting to feel less sexy for not being an amputee and also because I felt a little bad about how disappointed the people searching for that stuff must have been when they found themselves at my blog. Also, I just want to point out that “amputees with 4 limbs” aren’t really amputees at all. I’m trying to help here, y’all.
Comments
Um, you could have a finger amputated and still have 4 limbs. Or a toe, or ear, or nose, or all of the above and still have 4 limbs.
The Sally Struthers porn disturbs me the most. I feel like Vagina Pudding should put me off, but it might just be my next catch phrase!
I completely oppose blaming the victim, except when the victim is guilty (like in a murder-suicide pact) and I'm afraid you TOTALLY DESERVED the "boob mushroom" search: link
In fact, I recall you also writing a post about having lunch with a friend during which you discussed how awesome it would be to have "giant labia," because you could roll them up in curlers or something. I can't remember all the details, but I'm not going to hunt that one up, because I don't need my wife finding "giant labia" in my search history. (I'm pretty sure I can finesse "boob mushroom" by saying I was just looking for Top Chef porn.)
I can't even TYPE, I'm LAUGHING SO HARD...
POPROCKS PORN??
And, oh... "giant labia"? Must've been looking for MY BLOG.
Great. Now I need to Google "What happens when you put toothpaste on your nipple" . But I'm tempted to just try it because I know you don't have the answer on your blog. I've already checked.
Sally Struthers porn?
There are some things in this world that I just really, really don't want to know about.
LOL!
God I love the internet....
Maybe you can set your mind at ease by telling yourself that they are all just doing research for their doctorates?
This is absolutely hilarious. And I want some Disney tampons.
Lol @ searching "Im pretty sure Jesus doesn't care what you do with semen"
~Katiedid
Oh and WTH is "nugget porn"? I'm kinda scared to google it...
HAHAHAHA I love this
Disney tampons... hmmm I know a way to celebrate your favorite Disney characters! Bleed your vagina blood all over their faces! Yes! I love tinkerbell! Now seriously look up spongebob tampon.