I had always wanted to try a ball gag|Breathable ball gag; they seemed like so much fun, and made more sense than a scarf that got all saliva-y, or just being told to shut up and not make a sound (although that's always fun too!). However, I was a little apprehensive about going whole hog and getting a normal, rubber ball gag for my first time. I had this feeling that I might get kind of panicked, and then the whole scene would just go down hill from there, so this seemed like a good choice.

When it came in the mail, I eagerly opened it up. It was black (I wish they'd had a red option for it, but black is better than pink), and smell hellish. Ugh. I don't know if it was the rubber composite (it was definitely not 100% pure rubber), or the packaging, but it smelled like something had died. I let it sit out for a day or two, and it got a little better.

A few hours before my partner came over to play, I tried it out on myself. The holes didn't go small enough, so I poked a new one using a kitchen knife. Adjusting it properly, I slipped the ball into my mouth, breathing in and out of it before securing it behind my head.

Yes. I could breath. Yes, I could scream. Yes, I could say my safe word someone if I might need to (although I also had a pack up plan involving hand signals). However, it tasted HORRIBLE. It took forever to get the taste out of my mouth.

Once we began playing, he secured it tightly behind my head after I'd already been restrained. I breathed in, and out, in and out, reassuring myself that I was fine. Only problem? I wasn't. Although I could breathe through it relatively well, the smell and the taste, as well as having something in my mouth preventing me from biting down, all started leading to a panic attack. He saw, asked if I was ok, and when I nodded with tears falling down my cheeks, he took it off.

It's now lost somewhere in the depths of my sex toy chest, in case I might ever need it again (unlikely). We went back to playing with either tape over my mouth, or a scarf with a knot in it. While this might be a good first step towards gagging for some people, it was definitely not for me.