Vampire gloves? Sounds sexy, right? And no, we're not talking about some Twilight vampires, either. (Although they might get the same wincing in pain reaction I get when I think of that movie.) These are much darker and evil than that. Anne Rice's Lestat, maybe? Yeah, that sexy, too.

When you first look at these gloves they don't really seem like anything too special. Leather gloves, right? Cool, I guess. I'd passed them up tons of times because I thought that's all they were. After poking and prodding through the BDSM section on here for quite some time I decided to see what these were about. Turns out they're not so plain after all. They have tiny spikes running down the fingers! How cool is that?!

If you don't like pain you're not going to like these. I'm a pretty advanced player and they're a little intimidating to me, but we'll get to why a little later on. The spikes are pretty ouchy, and they're pretty sharp, as well, so they have the chance of drawing blood. (Perhaps why that's why they named them vampire gloves?) Needless to say, these aren't for beginners who are into fluffy floggers and velcro cuffs. They're on a much more extreme level than that.

The different options for sizes mean that they should fit just about any hands, but if you're a switch and your partner has a different hand size you'll probably have to grab another pair if you want to be on both ends of them.

Oh, and a safety note: they can draw blood, so be aware of that and make sure to take the proper precautions when it comes to safety. Blood is not something you should play around with unless you're fluid bonded to your partner, and even then it can still be risky. Also, since it takes a little bit of injury to draw blood, make sure you clean any scrapes well. No one wants an infection.

The design of these is rather interesting. At first glance they look like ordinary leather gloves, which are sexy in their own right. Grab someone with them and they'll see that they aren't as unassuming as they look. It's a rather nice touch and can catch someone off guard with an unexpected shock of ouch! That's always pretty fun, you know? Overall, from a visual perspective, they're pretty neat.





Sadly, they're lacking in the quality department. They're apparently made of sheepskin leather. (Yeah, vegans will want to pass on these.) The product pictures make it look like high quality leather that's a bit thick and that's what I expected. Not the case. They're quite flimsy, actually. The tag says "Soft, thin, sexy leather." I think they got the sexy wrong. I know know about you, but thick leather is much sexier to me. At least they are soft, though, and the insides are quite velvety. The product photos also make it seem like the spikes are super awesome. Not so much. Seriously, they're metal studs shoved through the inside of the fingers. The type of studs that have those sharp pieces of metal on the back of them. Lame. Plus, the "spikes" bend easily because they're supposed to be bent down to hold the stud in place in their normal application. Sad day. These don't seem like they're too durable, really. In fact, the spikes on the thunb just about poked holes through the palm before I even got them. Sad day.

The size is just about dead on, though. I bought the X-small because, well, everything about me is extra small. The middle finger is just about 3 1/2 long, and it was the exact length of my finger, and about an inch across. They fit . . . like a glove. My hands are pretty proportionate, but the thumb was pretty baggy. The wrist comes with a snap so they fit a little better on the wrist, but this was also a little big on me. Workable, though. I can't speak much for the other sizes, but the X-small did fit well on my dainty little lady hands. Each finger has about 16 spikes, while the pinky and the thumb have 12, so even on these small ones you still have a lot of ouch to work with.





When I thought about it, I realized that I could grab a pair of cheap leather gloves that cost less than half of what these do, buy some small studs for a couple of pennies each, push the studs through the fingers, and voila, I have better ones than these at a fraction of the cost.

And here's where we get into why I was a bit intimidated by these. I'm no novice when it comes to pain. I can take a good whack from a cane or a zap from the Neon Wand any day. These gloves aren't fun, though. They're much too sharp and scratchy to live up to their full potential. If it didn't feel so much like an angry cat was clawing at you they'd be the coolest thing ever. I like spikes. The Wartenburg Pinwheel is one of my favorite toys, but these are just ouch, and not in a good way.

I've tried a few different things with them. It's fun to grab someone's arm, leg, or other grab friendly area with them. (Watch the neck and face, though. It's normally pretty sensitive skin, so you'll have to be especially light there.) Not too much fun. Too stabby. Slowly caressing someone's skin? Way too scratchy for that, unless again, you like when cats claw you. Giving someone a good whack with them? Again, too stabby and you'll probably leave them with some interesting perforations. If the spikes weren't so sharp these gloves would be amazing in these situations. With the way they are, though, it's not even a fun stabby or scratchy sensation. It just sucks.

I tried using them on myself to see if there was any trick to it. There isn't. I tried using them on my loverboy to see if it was just me who thought this sucked. He echoed my thoughts on them. At least they're cool to look at, I guess.

Don't get them wet because they seem like they'd completely fall apart. If you have to clean them do so with a slightly damp cloth. Make sure the spikes don't get too bent up because rebending them too much will cause them to break. If you get blood on them, well, that sucks because you can't really sterilize them. Store them so that there's not a lot of pressure on them because the spikes will poke holes in the leather. Even more sad times here.

I'm really considering making myself a much better pair of gloves after being so disappointed with these. Kinklab normally is good at what they do, but not so much here. The idea is great but the execution wasn't. Maybe I can find some way to make the spikes less scratchy so they're more functional. They're totally not worth what you pay for them.