Once again, 3D is overrated.

Tenga 3D is a reversible, closed ended sleeve. It has a textured exterior, that when used-

Can I fuck it?

Excuse me?

Can I fuck it?

It’s a sleeve, a non-organic piece of elastomer, it’s not possible to f… er, do that. Of the toys that might be f-able, they would have to be realistic, which the Tenga 3D is not. Besides, asking if something is f-able makes it seem like it’s a human and not a piece of lifeless material.

Then can I hump it?

No, not really. It’s more of a stroking sleeve. It’s almost impossible to prop up, unless someone else was holding it steady and even then, just pay the extra $25 and get a Fleshlight if you want a humpable sleeve.

How do I use it then?

Glad you asked! First reverse it so that the outside layer is smooth and the texture is on the interior and then apply some lube to the opening. Once applied, squeeze the sleeve a few times to spread the lube around. After it’s properly lubed, push the sleeve onto a lubed penis and begin stroking. This is an easy sleeve, for beginners and experts alike, and the low cleanup makes it perfect for quick masturbation sessions.

What if I’m a girl?

Are you?

For the sake of this, let’s say I am.

If you’re a girl, there’s not much this can do on its own. The gap is too large for nipple use and it’s too limp for insertion as a dildo or probe. Women with male partners could use it for handjobs, or foreplay, but that’s about it.

And lesbians?

Um… I guess they could role play with strap-ons, but honestly, I don’t know why they would use this sleeve. A Fleshlight would work much better for role play.

Shall we move to the next session?

That’s our transition? That really su-

-cks.

What’s it made out of?

Elastomer, which is a slightly porous, food grade material. There isn't an odor, nor is it sticky, although things do stick back.

So no sharing with my boyfriend?

You’re a girl, lesbian, straight male and a gay man? Never mind. No, it’s best not to share, unless condoms are used, otherwise there’s a risk of a bacterial infection, or other horrid germs.

Elastomer? What kind of name is that?

It’s derived from the materials elasticity and polymer.

So it’ll stretch when it’s used?

Yes, which is especially good for longer users, because the Tenga is actually rather small.

How does it feel?

Well, that depends on the user and which Tenga model is used. This model is in a square grid, which can cause some problems. The textured squares on the interior of the sleeve are too large to get an in-depth, all surrounding sensation. The texture is decent, but for the price, this model at least may be a little overpriced and definitely overrated. Paying extra for a Fleshlight, or getting a cheaper Maven might be a better choice. Also, if there isn’t enough lube, it becomes rough and coarse.

Is it as painful as this transition?

Wait, wh-

-at? Gah! Don’t do that!

Looking at the site, I’d say this is about the size of a Fleshlight, right?

…bwa hahahahahahahahahha.





Wow, that is small!

I know right? It’s actually one of the smaller sleeves available, measuring only 4.5 inches long and two inches wide, but as mentioned, it can stretch to fit longer users.

Is it tight?

Kinda. It’s not as tight as other toys, the Super Head Honcho comes to mind, but it is tighter than the super sucker. The opening is about ½ of an inch, give or take.

Wait, the texture is on the outside.

Yeah, as I mentioned, it has to be reversed in order to use it. Otherwise, there’s more friction than sensation.

Won’t cum get stuck in the crevices?

Don’t skip ahead, that’s part of the cleaning section. But yes, it does get stuck.

Don’t tell me what questions to ask!

Bah.

If I were to say, put this in an annoying reviewer’s house, as revenge, would that work?

Maybe. As shown earlier, the front side doesn't scream sex oy, neither does the reversed side. It doesn't scream “not a sex toy” either though.



Its small size allows for easy transport and hiding, easily fitting within a box, backpack, or drawer. Basically if this is found, I could easily hide it, or come up with a explanation, whereas you could not.

What if I wanted to fly with it?

For most users, I’d say no, the TSA searches things. For you though, sure, have fun with the cavity search and condescending letter from the TSA agent.

No more transition jokes?

Nah, it was getting old.

Okay, what if I was a zora?

Excuse me?

A zora, from Zelda, would I be able to use it?

...were you dropped as a… no, no, I’ll answer the question: maybe. The Tenga is close-ended, so that when used, the lube can't escape. This means if you can create an air tight seal, you can use the tub without washing away the lube, because it will remain safely ensconced within the sleeve. You could also use silicone lube, which won’t wash away as easily, although it’s harder to find. Personally, I recommend the Lubricant of the Goddesses.

How do I get that?

Visit the old lady in Kakariko Village with the cuckoos. She’ll ask you to retrieve a plant from the top of Death Mountain. In order to get the plant, you’ll need to find three fish from the little grotto by the temple entrance and feed the giant fish to prompt him to swim away. Once he leaves, you can swim into the hidden cavern, retrieve the plant and give them to the old lady. She’ll then fill any bottle you bring her with the Lubricant of the Goddesses.

Will any of these lubes hurt the Tenga?

Water, silicone and the Goddesses’ won’t.

Any suggestions on how to use it?

Make sure you don’t get any lube on the smooth side during use. This will make the sleeve extremely slippery, to the point where it’s nearly impossible to use. Use one hand to lube up the penis and another to utilize the Tenga.

How hard is it to clean?

Oddly simple. Either rinse it out with hot water and a light soap, or reverse it and then soak it in short soapy water. While cum does get lodged into the crevices, the texture is separated enough so that it cleans off easily.

How do I store it?

After that leave it out on a towel to dry and then use. It can be stored in either it’s packaging, or in a box or drawer with a towel to prevent debris to sticking, because it WILL stick.

Why wasn’t this section funnier?

It was about cleaning. What am I, a writer on Monk?

How awesome is this packaging?

Totally awesome! I mean look at it! It looks like a robotisizer from Sonic the Hedgehog!




That’s the depressing one, right?

Yep.

Does it make it easier to store?

Maybe. On the one hand, it’s larger and is labeled “concept hole” so it’s not discreet, but on the other hand it does keep it clean. Plus, it’s like a display case for your toy.