The Magic Wand Turned Me Into a Dissatisfied Customer

The Hitachi can't be used for an extended time for two reasons: one, it starts getting really hot after a few minutes of running, and two, it is so damn loud you will have a headache after a few minutes. I got this expecting to use two attachments I found on Amazon for cheap, but when they came, they smelled awful and were sticky. I know that doesn't seem like it should effect my review of the Hitachi, but all the attachments that are made of silicone (and not some unknown, smelly weird stuff) are really expensive. How expensive? You will pay about twice what you paid for the Hitachi just to get a decent attachment for it. That changes the value significantly.

Since I haven't splurged to get an attachment that can penetrate, I can only use the Hitachi as a massager/ external vibrator. As a massager, it fails horribly for two reasons: one, the head of the Hitachi moves and bends slightly, making it difficult to deliver deep vibrations by pushing in on the desired spot, and two, it is so damn loud that you will have a headache after a few minutes, negating any relaxing effects realized from the vibes.

As an external vibrator, the Hitachi does deliver some intense vibes that can be quite pleasurable, but as they are dispersed throughout the large surface area of the head, finding the right spot and jamming out an "O" is difficult. Again, it is loud and gets hot after a few minutes. By the time it gets hot, however, your sensitive parts are likely to be numb enough that using it for a longer period of time would be moot.

The Hitachi is made of food-grade plastic that is hypo-allergenic, latex free and phthalates free. It does have a slight plasticy smell to it, but you have to be right up on it and sniffing to tell. The head isn't completely smooth, but has a slightly bumpy texture to it, which seem like they could create a small friction problem.

This thing is flippin huge and heavy. It is a foot long and feels like it is made of lead. I feel like I get carpal tunnel when I try to use it for body massages, and it is even more difficult to balance in place "down there".

The cord is six feet long and that seems like it would be enough until you start playing in the bedroom. I guess you could always get an extension cord, but given the noise of the Hitachi, you might start to get the feeling that you are on an episode of "This Old House" or "Holmes on Homes".

The Hitachi has two speeds. When I heard the low setting, I couldn't believe that the higher setting could be any louder.. until I tried it. Both speeds deliver intense vibes, but the higher setting will make everything numb much quicker, if that's what you're going for.

The Hitachi is iconic for being a body massager that doubles as an intimate toy, so you won't fool anyone if they see this. Even if you only use it for non-intimate purposes, the sight of this toy reminds everyone of the neck massager they saw in their real or hypothetical grandma's dresser drawer. In actuality, I bought this thinking it would be an improvement in intensity upon a "neck massager" that was passed down to me from my grandma's estate, when she died, but surprisingly, hers was pretty much the same in every way, except it wasn't a Hitachi. I know that may be TMI and a little creepy, but I found the coincidence interesting.

The Hitachi is not waterproof and since it is a corded wand, should not be used in/ near water. The vibrations are located throughout the wand, so get ready for your hand to go numb from the vibrations, while you're holding it. The intensity level controls are easy to use, as it is just a toggle switch. In the neutral/middle position it is off, and toggling up or down changes the intensity level. But that also means that it is easy to toggle off while trying to get off. Not so good. And did I mention that this thing is loud?

No special care instructions, as it is mostly a hunk of plastic. You can use any lube your heart desires, but make sure to use enough to counteract the heat that accumulates and the potential friction from the head texture.

The Hitachi came in a thin rectangular cardboard box. You could use it for storage or wrap it in the box as a gift. I recycled mine. The Hitachi sits under the side of my bed, mostly forgotten, until the rare occasion that I forget how loud it is and I try to use it again.

My experiences with the Hitachi can be summed up in these words: headache, redness/irritation, numbness, excessive heat, and disappointment.