No Raspberries for This Pie

Stimulation gels, cremes, creams or what have you just don't seem worth the cost. They do little to nothing to enhance foreplay, masturbation, or sex, yet they cost upwards of ten dollars. This was not worth the cost given the meager benefits.
smells like raspberry
mild tingle
Doesn't do much.
smells too much like raspberry
useless during foreplay
Rating by reviewer:
extremely useful review


Namaste and welcome to the first episode of “Can I Stick My Penis in That?” That’s right, the show where we determine where is a great place to thrust and what’s a bust. Today’s entrant is the “Stimulating Pleasure Balm Clitoral Gel.”

As the opening is probably less than a millimeter, you CAN NOT Stick a Penis In This™. On a rating scale of Glass Filled Bears to Magical Vagina, this falls squarely on Scolari, meaning one would have to shrink down immensely to put a penis inside this bottle.

This gel, designed for women, specifically the clitoris, but also the areolas, is the third, in a long list of tested and like all of the others, it was found to be no better than goggles.


This gel, it does nothing!
    • Massage
    • Masturbation
    • Mood enhancer

Texture / Consistency / Thickness / Viscosity

That’s just for whom this gel will fail however, let’s considers what it looks and feels like. Here is a droplet of the raspberry gel and as you can see, it’s quite pink.

This is clearly not American flag based gel, shown by how much it runs. The bottle is easy to pour, but has a hairpin trigger. If squeezed too hard, it dispenses far too much gel.

It’s water based and mildly sticky to the touch, likely caused by the sucrose. To further discuss the ingredients, I introduce Science CatGirl. SCG, was there anything of interest regarding the ingredients.

Hi, um, thank you for including me, for this gel review. The chemical compound of gel is quite unremarkable, there aren’t any allergens that leap out, nor are there real problems or issues. The Menthyl Lactate is what causes the cool sensation and the sucrose make it sticky, requiring quick clean up. The remaining ingredients are water and dyes and flavorings. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going back to my death laser research.
    • Oily
    • Sticky
    • Thin

Taste / Aroma

We’re back, where we’re discussing smells. Does the gel have a smell? Well, put your nose to your screen. Smell that? That faint raspberry odor, dancing in the wind? That’s the smell of this gel traveling through the computer to the smell receptors of every reader. How are the particles managing to travel from this review to the noses of millions, okay dozens of noses spread throughout the US? That is how intense the raspberry odor is!


This. Times a million

The taste is slightly less intense raspberry, with a hint of mint-
That’s the Menthyl Lactate.

Thank you SCG, please return to preparing for the Unspoken Land’s destruction.
    • Strong smell
    • Strong taste


A rigorous test process was applied for this gel, applying it to areolas, the penis, the clitoris and the tongue. The results of these tests were… Nothing, bupkiss, nada, zilch. No sensation, save for a mild tingle.


Wa wah wahhhhhhhhhhh

That’s just from the male perspective however, to see the female perspective; I once again turn this over to Science CatGirl.
Uh, hi again, yes, well, I applied the gel to my nipples, areola and, um, nether eye and the results were mixed. For the areolas, there wasn’t a tingle, not the slightest bit of sensation. As for the, er, nether eye, well, there was the slightest of tingles, kind of like tooth paste, but it wasn’t anything that could result in climax, or even help.
Thank you Science CatGirl. We do however agree that-
Oh and it makes your mouth tingle if used during oral sex. And it tastes yucky.

… Yes. Anyway, we do agree that there is one sensation where this stands out: smell.

Smell me!!!

The disappointment of “Stimulating Pleasure Balm Clitoral Gel” doesn’t end there however, never forget about the cleanup! Unless removed quickly after sex, the smell will slowly seep into the skin, until washed off during a shower. Don’t worry there will be plenty of motivation to wash this off, because if left on, the stickiness turns to itchiness.
Ironically the smell is best part of the gel, despite being overpowering. Everything else is either impossible to feel, or mediocre
    • Gets sticky
    • Needs to be washed off with soap and water


The packaging isn’t too bad, but it’s certainly not discrete. Nothing about the name “Stimulating Pleasure Balm Clitoral Gel” is discrete. Well, perhaps gel, but few people notice gel when the other words are “Stimulating Pleasure Balm Clitoral.” Except for gel fetishists, but that’s another story.
Oh and you WILL smell the gel through the box, this I promise.
    • Can be opened with one hand
    • Easy to use / dispense

Personal comments

copy righted material came from My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic and The Simpsons. Pictures located here here and here

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  • Contributor: MK434
    Great review!
  • Contributor: MilitaryWife
    I love the snarc! Thanks for the honesty.
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