The screaming octopus - discreet vibrator by The Screaming O - review by NuclearTeapot

I laid eyes on this cute Octopus and immediately thought of Hokusai's print of a pearl diver being pleasured by two octopuses. Sadly, when I took this Screaming Octopus for a spin in my personal ocean (also known as my bathtub), I met nothing but disappointment.

This little Octopus wants to please your external erogenous zones, nipples, clitoris, scrotum, etc. However, it only comes with one setting, which is extremely buzzy and lacks kick. Screaming Octopus may help get the party started, but at least for me, it was not able to produce any fireworks.

In the defense of this little toy, it is very discreet and quiet. If you are in need of something that travels easily, and looks nothing like a sex toy, screaming Octopus might just provide enough stimulation to justify its purchase.

Screaming Octopus is made of TPR Silicone that feels extremely rubbery and is a bit sticky. It even had a slight rubber smell. The smell is not overpowering and only noticed if you put the Octopus right up under your nose. This toy's material safety rating comes in at a very safe 8 out of 10, and the material is hypo-allergenic, latex free and phthalates free.

Overall, Screaming Octopus dose not have much texture other than the features that make up his cute little face. The tentacles are covered with tiny suction cups, but they are so subtle I could barely feel them during use.

The slightly sticky nature and rubbery aroma could turn some users off immediately.

When it comes to overall appearance, this toy is great. Screaming Octopus just oozes cute vibes from its tiny little tentacle to its strangely surprised expression. Even the strange extra tentacle that extends from this Octopus's head adds to his visual appeal. And to make him even a little bit cuter, for me any way, it came in a bright candy pink!

When first using this toy I thought the shape would work great. I held the easy to grip bulbous head and hoped the tentacles would tickle me with pleasure. However due to the squishy nature of this toy, the tentacles really didn't tickle, but just laid around rather limply. This has more to do with the nature of the vibrations which I will go over in depth under functions. Overall this toy's shape and design did not work well with the bullet it is coupled with.

On a more positive note, Screaming Octopus is very discreet. You could leave it lying around and even if someone turned it on, I bet they would just think it was some silly toy. I know that is what my first thought would be. If you do not want to run the risk of someone putting two and two together though, Screaming Octopus' size makes it incredibly easy to hide. Coming in at a rather squat 1 1/2 inches tall and 3 3/4 inches around, you can tuck it in almost anywhere. Make sure to remember where you put it though. I took Screaming Octopus on a trip last week and forgot which bag I put it in. Let's just say I spent a good 20 minutes searching since it was hidden so damn well.

Screaming Octopus comes with a super tiny little bullet inside that runs on two watch batteries. The bullet is located in the head of the Octopus, with the button of the bullet sticking out of a small hole on the top of the head. The bullet can be removed and reinserted rather easily due to the great stretch of silicone the octopus body is made out of.

This vibrator comes with only one setting, which to me felt like a rather medium buzzy. Because the bullet is located in the head of the Octopus, this is where the vibrations are really centered. You can feel them at the bottom of the head where the tentacles spread out and where the action should be taking place, but I noticed if I applied any pressure the vibrations faded away. Also, while holding the vibrator my hand began to go a little numb. So I decided to switch the Octopus around, hold his tentacles and use his head for stimulation. While the toy was still easy to grasp in this manner, the buzziness of the vibrations really did nothing for me. All I wanted to do was turn the thing off and go grab my Bullet Buddy, Monkey. Wanting to write a thorough review, I decided to see if this Octopus would be good for just some good-ole-fashioned teasing. With a gentle touch and sometimes using the head tentacle I moved the toy around my nibbles, on my breast, over my stomach and on my thighs. I did not even feel a little tickled or any kind of stimulation for that matter. It reminded me more of when there is an annoying house fly buzzing around you.

The bullet inside the Octopus is very small. It is smaller than an inch tall and around. Being so tiny I do not recommend using it solo. However, I did notice that the bullet is about the size of the tip on Slim Smooth Delight turning into something that looked a bit like a demented fairy's wand. While the vibrations were much better, and the tentacles created a bit of a tickle, I did not find the addition of the Octopus to make me want to use it again.

I can say, Octopus is extremely waterproof and performs fine when being splashed or completely submerged. The outer skin of the Octopus completely encases the bullet, protecting it from getting dangerously damp. Also, the vibrations are incredibly quiet, despite the buzzy nature. You can not hear it in the shower, you can maybe hear a very faint and what seems like a distant buzz under covers, and there is no way anyone could hear this toy through a door. As long as you were at least 5 feet away from someone, you could probably use it without anyone noticing. Well, noticing from the sound at least.

Cleaning Screaming Octopus is very easy. While you cannot sterilize it, so no sharing, you can give it a good bath since it is water proof. Run some hot water and grab the anti-bacterial soap or toy cleaner, give the Octopus its own rub down and you are good to go.

I did notice that Screaming Octopus does have a tendency to pick up lint and dust quite easily, so I suggest cleaning him up before and after use. I would also suggest storing it in a box or non-fluffy pouch to keep the fuzzies away. Also, being true to its octopus nature, only use water based lube on this toy.

This toy comes in a small plastic box that proudly declares it "The Screaming Octopus". I have kept this box for storage for now, but make sure to hide it well since the title will definitely give away the nature of this Octopus.

The box is clear so unless you want to give a gift that gives itself away additional wrapping will be necessary.

I really wanted to love Screaming Octopus. I really, really did. This toy is just so cute and I love the idea, but despite several tries we just do not do well together. Screaming Octopus left me sad and looking to other toys to fill the void of disappointment my lady bits felt.