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#ExpressLove - Into the Deep End in Our Open Swim

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So, how does an open relationship begin? And is it just a case of “Hi, we’re swingers.” and you’re having sex with someone else? Here’s Smokedawg’s story.

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Contributor: .KK.

As interesting as this article was, there was a line that deeply troubled me:

(including being involved in a three-way with another person—man or woman—which of course was an early sign of her need for an open marriage)

I am a bisexual woman currently engaged to a very understanding & loving man. The above has always been a fantasy of mine from my teenage years, I have expressed it to every boyfriend I have had, including my soon to be husband & it is a fantasy yet to be fulfilled, but he is open to the idea & trying to help it come to fruition. By no means in my mind does me wanting a threesome indicate that I am unhappy & will want an open marriage when we get married. To me this is plain & simple - I love my man very much & would like to take our playtime a step further, if even just one time. This is something I just need to get out of my system.

So for the above writer to state so matterof-factly that anytime a person indicates a want for a threesome equals open relationship upset me greatly because that is not the case for me. It was for him & I feel badly about that, but I feel he should not have generalized it, because it sent me into paranoia about my wants for an entire weekend, wondering what that truly meant.

Contributor: Smokedawg

I don't get notifications of replies, so sorry for the late response on this (if indeed you check back). For some, the idea of three-ways and such is just a lark...a one or two time only thing. But I'm not talking about people curious to try something different, but rather people for whom it is a strong desire for something regular or semi regular, as is the case with my wife.

But, even in your case, I have to say that ANY time you invite someone else in, either with your partner involved or not, the relationship has been opened. It might not be a fully open relationship, but it's certainly not a closed one. There are many degrees along the spectrum and even a one time only situation still requires some kind of mindset about opening the relationship. In your case, it could be an example of trying out swinging, a sample but not necessarily as a lifestyle.