Our sexual vocabulary can be a confusing glossary of misinterpreted and misunderstood terms. What should help us communicate a desire, an act, intention or emotion can drop like a rock, smashing the mood or any chance of getting to first base much less tapping it out of the park. When is dirty too dirty?
The bigger question is why is it dirty at all? Is there some sort of puritanical imperative somehow ingrained in our DNA that makes sex forever impure and naughty? Shame and guilt have conspired to corrupt the great physical pleasure men and women can feel. Walt Whitman believed there was no aspect or part of the human body that should not be celebrated. Yet, sex, sexual ideas and intimate areas are almost always referred to in the pejorative.
There doesn’t appear to be any sensible reasoning to this. Some words just seem worse than others. Take the word “cunt” for example. What does it mean to you? We asked this question to a random sampling of men and women and some of the answers surprised us (comments were on condition of anonymity):
“I love it,” said Franke, a woman in her mid-30s. “Cunt has such a great poetic sense to it that conveys its meaning in its sound. It's a good word to use in bed that is somehow more dirty than the word ‘pussy.’ But it definitely depends on context. If a female friend of mine calls me a cunt (as they sometimes do) it's usually said in a very affectionate manner. If a person who I'm not close to (regardless of gender) applies it to me, I may be offended, but depends on the context in which it's said.
“I'd say it's a more powerful version of ‘bitch’ in both the positive way and the negative way,” she added. “Positive in that it means an even more outspoken, opinionated, self-directed woman than bitch implies; on the negative side it means an even more shrill, unpleasant, manipulative woman.”
There’s not much history on “cunt,” although it is likely derived from “cunnilingus,” although how or when it was shortened and punctuated with a “t” remains a matter of lively barroom arguments. Some believe it can be a powerful, unapologetic affirmation of feminine sexuality and confidence; others think it’s invariably off base and insulting.
“It’s a very strong word,” said Bob, 56. “I believe it may be considered the most brutal name you could call a woman, and that most women cringe at hearing the word, if only in normal conversation. Because of this, most men won't say the word in the presence of women for fear of being considered extremely crass or a low-life.
“For these reasons, and much more, I like the word as a way of expressing the utmost contempt I could possibly ever express against someone, like my ex-wife.”
The emotionally charged expression of expletives when the usual words just don’t carry enough power has long been debated by linguists, and now us. How “cunt” grew to be such a bad word while “pussy” and “dick” are comparatively benign, almost fluffy, no one appears to know. Scowling and reaching deep down into the bane and bile of misogyny to pull out your nastiest gender-biased insult by calling her a “vulva’ just doesn’t carry much punch. Why hurling nicknames for body parts at each other is insulting at all is puzzling. Maybe it’s that puritan sexual self-loathing thing again.
Everyone interviewed, however, still prefer genital slang over cold, clinical, impersonal terms. Rather than something ugly and negative, maybe women should take “cunt” back and have it stand for the feminine empowerment of pleasure.
“One's expressed feelings about the word are a barometer to their mind set,” said Taj, a 42-year-old woman. “You clearly get a sense of their humor (or lack of), sexual repression, and how judgmental they are. Definitely it’s about how it's said—the energy behind the word. Context is everything, but I am a little frightened by people who don't feel there's a place for it at all.
“Truly, one could say, ‘the one thing I can say for that atrocious cunt, she's got a beauteous cunt.’ Put that in your L-I-C-T-I-O-N-A-R-Y!”
Taj added, “I'm sure a lot of folks don't know what it fully means anatomically. I like to think of it as the lickable part, and an image I masturbate to when I imagine it being pierced by vampire fangs, but that's just me.”
Some comments were more pedestrian: “I love that word,” said Jeff, 33, “It makes me want to have sex as hard as I can.”
Julie, 48, disagrees, “It depends, but most people are really offended by it, especially if said in anger. But at my hospital job where I help out in the receiving department on the docks, there is a lot of real cursing going on and a lot of it is in jest. The guys string together descriptive words for women. Their favorite is ‘whorebitchslutcunt’ and sometimes they top it off with lesbian, making it ‘whorebitchslutcuntlesbian!’ They make me laugh there...a lot.”
According to Kim, 35, cunt is a “funny word” she hates. “It does not give the pussy the honor it deserves. I’ve taken to using the word “cookie” for cunt, which makes my boyfriend the cookie monster.
“Maybe we should replace “cunt” with another word,” she added, “like Kunti, a Hindu goddess still worshipped today. Kind of poetic, don’t you think?”
Not all men like the word or will use it. Peter, age unknown, said, “I never ever use that word, although for some reason I do like how it sounds. I truly never use it affectionately, though I'm now dating a woman who does, referring to a body part of hers. I'm still getting used to that.
“It is the dirtiest most powerful word we have in the English language,” continued Peter. “Because of that, when I make an exception to use it I might be referring to a guy, not a woman. I won't even use it in front of a woman to describe a woman whom I know she hates and thinks of as Hitler's daughter.
“I can’t get myself to join my girlfriend in calling her box a cunt, but I’m getting into her calling it that. And no, I don’t actually call it a box, but sharing what I do call it is without grace.”
Whether a term of endearment or a hate word, “cunt” is controversial. Like most other words in our growing and continually abbreviated lexicon, it appears “cunt” is a quintessentially English word, a perplexing language that offers a complexity of meanings for so many words, depending on usage and tone. Being in the business of words, English is a cunt, and I mean that with affection, respect and bewildered awe.
The bigger question is why is it dirty at all? Is there some sort of puritanical imperative somehow ingrained in our DNA that makes sex forever impure and naughty? Shame and guilt have conspired to corrupt the great physical pleasure men and women can feel. Walt Whitman believed there was no aspect or part of the human body that should not be celebrated. Yet, sex, sexual ideas and intimate areas are almost always referred to in the pejorative.
There doesn’t appear to be any sensible reasoning to this. Some words just seem worse than others. Take the word “cunt” for example. What does it mean to you? We asked this question to a random sampling of men and women and some of the answers surprised us (comments were on condition of anonymity):
“I love it,” said Franke, a woman in her mid-30s. “Cunt has such a great poetic sense to it that conveys its meaning in its sound. It's a good word to use in bed that is somehow more dirty than the word ‘pussy.’ But it definitely depends on context. If a female friend of mine calls me a cunt (as they sometimes do) it's usually said in a very affectionate manner. If a person who I'm not close to (regardless of gender) applies it to me, I may be offended, but depends on the context in which it's said.
“I'd say it's a more powerful version of ‘bitch’ in both the positive way and the negative way,” she added. “Positive in that it means an even more outspoken, opinionated, self-directed woman than bitch implies; on the negative side it means an even more shrill, unpleasant, manipulative woman.”
There’s not much history on “cunt,” although it is likely derived from “cunnilingus,” although how or when it was shortened and punctuated with a “t” remains a matter of lively barroom arguments. Some believe it can be a powerful, unapologetic affirmation of feminine sexuality and confidence; others think it’s invariably off base and insulting.
“It’s a very strong word,” said Bob, 56. “I believe it may be considered the most brutal name you could call a woman, and that most women cringe at hearing the word, if only in normal conversation. Because of this, most men won't say the word in the presence of women for fear of being considered extremely crass or a low-life.
“For these reasons, and much more, I like the word as a way of expressing the utmost contempt I could possibly ever express against someone, like my ex-wife.”
The emotionally charged expression of expletives when the usual words just don’t carry enough power has long been debated by linguists, and now us. How “cunt” grew to be such a bad word while “pussy” and “dick” are comparatively benign, almost fluffy, no one appears to know. Scowling and reaching deep down into the bane and bile of misogyny to pull out your nastiest gender-biased insult by calling her a “vulva’ just doesn’t carry much punch. Why hurling nicknames for body parts at each other is insulting at all is puzzling. Maybe it’s that puritan sexual self-loathing thing again.
Everyone interviewed, however, still prefer genital slang over cold, clinical, impersonal terms. Rather than something ugly and negative, maybe women should take “cunt” back and have it stand for the feminine empowerment of pleasure.
“One's expressed feelings about the word are a barometer to their mind set,” said Taj, a 42-year-old woman. “You clearly get a sense of their humor (or lack of), sexual repression, and how judgmental they are. Definitely it’s about how it's said—the energy behind the word. Context is everything, but I am a little frightened by people who don't feel there's a place for it at all.
“Truly, one could say, ‘the one thing I can say for that atrocious cunt, she's got a beauteous cunt.’ Put that in your L-I-C-T-I-O-N-A-R-Y!”
Taj added, “I'm sure a lot of folks don't know what it fully means anatomically. I like to think of it as the lickable part, and an image I masturbate to when I imagine it being pierced by vampire fangs, but that's just me.”
Some comments were more pedestrian: “I love that word,” said Jeff, 33, “It makes me want to have sex as hard as I can.”
Julie, 48, disagrees, “It depends, but most people are really offended by it, especially if said in anger. But at my hospital job where I help out in the receiving department on the docks, there is a lot of real cursing going on and a lot of it is in jest. The guys string together descriptive words for women. Their favorite is ‘whorebitchslutcunt’ and sometimes they top it off with lesbian, making it ‘whorebitchslutcuntlesbian!’ They make me laugh there...a lot.”
According to Kim, 35, cunt is a “funny word” she hates. “It does not give the pussy the honor it deserves. I’ve taken to using the word “cookie” for cunt, which makes my boyfriend the cookie monster.
“Maybe we should replace “cunt” with another word,” she added, “like Kunti, a Hindu goddess still worshipped today. Kind of poetic, don’t you think?”
Not all men like the word or will use it. Peter, age unknown, said, “I never ever use that word, although for some reason I do like how it sounds. I truly never use it affectionately, though I'm now dating a woman who does, referring to a body part of hers. I'm still getting used to that.
“It is the dirtiest most powerful word we have in the English language,” continued Peter. “Because of that, when I make an exception to use it I might be referring to a guy, not a woman. I won't even use it in front of a woman to describe a woman whom I know she hates and thinks of as Hitler's daughter.
“I can’t get myself to join my girlfriend in calling her box a cunt, but I’m getting into her calling it that. And no, I don’t actually call it a box, but sharing what I do call it is without grace.”
Whether a term of endearment or a hate word, “cunt” is controversial. Like most other words in our growing and continually abbreviated lexicon, it appears “cunt” is a quintessentially English word, a perplexing language that offers a complexity of meanings for so many words, depending on usage and tone. Being in the business of words, English is a cunt, and I mean that with affection, respect and bewildered awe.
The word cunt predates the word cunnilingus by a good many centuries. Cunnilingus is a word invented in the late 19th century (a combination of the Latin words for vulva and lick). I've actually read a contemporary account from Shakespeare's time which noted an actor using the word cunt onstage, accidentally, much to the hilarity of the audience. So yes, it's a very old, very English word.
It probably does come from from the same root though: the Latin word for vulva was cunnus.
I have no idea why it still carries such a negative connotation though. Personally I think it's a lovely, robust, old English word. So much less prissy than your pudenda or your pussy.
The first time I ever heard of the word cunt I was 20. Honestly, words only have meaning when you put meaning to it. Being called a bitch used to be a bad thing but now, it’s almost a sense of endearment between two girlfriends. Yeah, the word cunt does strong, a lot stronger than the word pussy, but I think that when you are in the sexual throws of passionate mind-blowing sex then I can see that word being tossed around a few times.
I quite love the word. I think it's a shame to shove it away into a corner without really addressing, and I love to use it in every way I can. I think it's sexy, it can be cute, and if used right it can be quite insulting. It all depends on how it's used... but mostly, I find "Cunt" to be sexy, and I wish it wasn't such a polarizing word! I'd like to be able to feel more comfortable using it at times.