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The Sexis Interview: Mistress Mine, Part Two—The Joy of Pain

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Now, in my line of work, I’ve met a ProDomme or two before. In the Big Apple, S&M is NBD. Dommes came in all shapes and sizes, from a near-seven-foot Valkyrie—replete with a trademark tomato-red PVC catsuit straight out of a comic book—to a raven-haired, petite coquette who could, with her five-inch killer spike heels, make a grown man cry a lot more than just “Uncle.”

  Banking & Spanking

This is a banking town. Has the recession affected your clientele?

It’s funny, there’s another Domme in town who takes great pride in advertising that she is the only dominatrix in Charlotte that doesn’t have a day job. Sometimes, I think, Ow, that kinda hurts, because it implies that you don’t take your kink seriously, that it’s just something you’re doing, but that could not be farther from the truth. Even before the recession, I was very selective.

Like I said, for me, it’s not about the money. If somebody approaches me with something sexual, or they approach me with something that I’m just not into—like, I had a gentleman offer me $500 to give him a golden shower. It’s not something I offer—not so much that I’m not into that, because I’ve certainly enjoyed that at lifestyle events, it’s just I don’t want to do that with someone that I don’t know.

These are very trying economic times. Money is hard to come by. So, when somebody chooses to spend their discretionary income with me—and I have a couple of clients who save up for two or three months and then book a two-hour session. It’s their vacation. If they’ve saved up for two months, I am not going to give them anything substandard. I want them to truly have the time of their life, and I put a lot of energy, a lot of time into it. I ask a lot of questions while we play. “How are you doing?” Some of them think if you ask how they’re doing, you’re not dominant enough, but it’s not that at all. It’s that if they’re not having a good time, I’m not having a good time. In order for me to please myself, I need to know that they are having a good time, otherwise, it’s boring for me. They serve be by telling me. I want them to leave blissed out and happy and glad that they spent the money. It’s a compliment.

You’re in a relationship. Is play a component?

Yes. I gave him his first spanking. Ever. He was my roommate. For years, I was in a “singles’ commune.” (laughs) It was a three-bedroom apartment and the tenants were single. It was like living in a sit-com. I was there from the time I was 23 to the time I was 26. He moved in when he was 19. I gave him his first spanking when he was 21.

He was my submissive at one point, but he’s a switch, and as I’m not, we’ve had to bring some polyamory into our relationship because he needs to be able to be dominant every now and again, and I am not into that. Even in the bedroom. I’ll let him do it if it makes him feel happy, but I can’t help turning the tables on him. It’s just not natural for me. But he’s a really good dominant in his own right, and he needs to have people to play with.

So, once a month or so, he’ll have a girl in for the afternoon, and they’ll spend their time up here or in the bedroom, and that’s fine with me. I’m downstairs reading, playing video games… I’m like, “Hi, how ya’ doin? Have a good time!”

So, this is just “normal” for you.

This is who I really am. Through the day, you have to be so repressed. I have a professional job. We’re responsible neighbors. He mows the lawn. Keeps up the yard. Coming here in the evening and being a pro dominatrix is like being Lois Lane in Superman, only you are actually Superman, because you have a secret identity. There’s something really cool about taking off the glasses and the short skirt, and underneath you have leather. You feel like a superhero. I’ll come into this room, and I’ll meditate in here—I’ve had some religious types of experiences. This is who I really am in here.

Little does anyone suspect there’s a superhero living next door….

Exactly, and that’s what I want… I’m alternative, and I don’t mind if somebody finds out, but I don’t wear it on my sleeve that I’m “out there.”

Has someone finding out ever caused you a problem?

Yes. Apparently, one of my clients had left his emails on his computer, and his wife sent me some very threateningly worded e-mails [when she found them]. So, I was trying to be very honest with the lady. I told her, “I appreciate your concern. Please know that I have never had sex with anybody here—outside of my boyfriend—and I’m sorry that you felt he was hiding something from you, but if you could tell me who he is, or what name he contacted me under, I won’t see him again,” because I don’t want to get involved in someone else’s relationship. I don’t want my Karma to be affected that way. The money’s not worth it. It’s just not.

When I asked her to tell me who he was, I realized, I hadn’t seen him in two years. I was very conciliatory, but I told her, “Thanks for letting me know, but I haven’t seen him in two years—and you’ve only been married a year.”

So at least she knew what he was into.

Right. (laughs) I know my worlds are going to collide occasionally, but that’s part of who I am. I’m kind of out there. But, at the same time, I’m not walking down the street with a placard that says: “I am a dominatrix!” I think it’s really cool that no one knows; that I can go to the grocery store, and I’m just walking around thinking, Ha, ha, I’ve got a secret. I more want to keep it secret for that thrill. That’s why you do it. It’s hot.

Do you teach others? Have you ever given lessons?

Yes, but I’m pretty selective in who I teach. I want to know why. I had a girl last year who e-mailed me that wanted to apprentice. I asked her, “Why do you want to be here?” and she said, “Because I need some money.” So I said, “I’m sorry, no.” Because I’m not all about the money, and I don’t think that somebody this is in it only for the money will necessarily be a good dominatrix.

Have you seen an up-tick in people who want to become Dommes because they think it’s easy money?

Yes. And it is very much not easy money. Years ago, there was this film called Fetishes (1996, d. Nick Broomfield). It was filmed at Pandora’s Box in New York, which was—I’m not sure if it’s still around or not—but at the time, it was one of the best dungeons anywhere. In it, there’s an interview with a Mistress. I will never forget her words. The interviewer asked her is she liked men, and she said, “You have to love men to do this. If you don’t love them, you can’t.” That really stuck with me because when you are playing with somebody who wants to be a little boy, and they want “Mommy” to touch them “there” on his “pee-pee” as part of an infantalism exploration—now, they’re adult, I’m adult, but it’s a role-play of regression. If you don’t understand and like men, then you just get weirded out. But if you understand, then you realize they are working through something that’s not allowed in normal society, and that they will go home and be relaxed and happy for having experienced it.

Say, “Joe X.” has been coming to you for a period of time; do you see that your services have helped him toward self-actualization?

Sure. I’ve had clients tell me that they are better focused at work because of what’s happened here, but for a lot of them, it’s just fun. And a lot of them don’t even realize what’s going to come of it. It’s a mental break. It really is.

You have some clients who are in very high-stress jobs…

They can come here for an hour, and all they have to do is take it, “Like the good little bitch you are!” That’s all they have to do. “Move over there. Stand up. Sit down.” They don’t have to think about the audit the next day, or what their wife is telling them. All they have to think about is licking my boots.

Do you think coming here gives them some perspective about how they treat the people when they are in authority?

I don’t know if it does. I have some “thinking clients,” as I like to call them, that tend to take this to an introspective place. Then I have some people that it’s just superficial, it is what it is—just an hour of fun. But I do know that when people leave here, they are relaxed and focused and happy—and I am cheaper than therapy. (laughs)

Next up, Mistress Mine, Part Three: Nuts and Bolts, Whips and Chains!


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