Any tips for someone who's completely anorgasmic?

Contributor: Bunnybun Bunnybun
I've never had an orgasm in my life. I've tried for about 5 years constantly (of course with breaks inbetween). I have tried everything under the sun and have about 17 or more toys of all different shapes and varieties but nothing has ever, ever worked. The weirdest part is I can ENJOY sex. I enjoy the feeling and process of sex but it never leads...anywhere. Sometimes, however, I actually don't feel anything at all, (usually with a partner but it varies. I thought it could have been because of my medication and a chronic illness I have but even before I took that medicine I've never been able to orgasm so it can't be that. It puts a ton of strain on me, my mental health, and everyone I'm romantically involved with. It makes me feel...just broken and insecure even hearing about how AAMMMAAAZING orgasms are but...I can't even imagine one. If I'm being honest they sound like make-believe to me everytime someone describes it to me, male or female. So, does anyone have any tips or advice? I'm really desperate at this point.
11/16/2021
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Contributor: Paradocs Paradocs
Quote:
Originally posted by Bunnybun
I've never had an orgasm in my life. I've tried for about 5 years constantly (of course with breaks inbetween). I have tried everything under the sun and have about 17 or more toys of all different shapes and varieties but nothing has ever, ... more
I would strongly suggest seeing a doctor to start with. You are correct that medications (anti-depressants for example) and many medical conditions (diabetes, etc) can play a role in difficulty orgasming. Start with an open, frank discussion with your doctor. Sexual health is very important in your overall well-being. If this is a medical issue, options exist to help.
11/17/2021
Contributor: 4ever18 4ever18
I agree with Paradocs. Schedule a visit with a health professional. I have Type 2 Diabetes and before I got the proper medication for it, I wasn't getting any satisfaction from having sex. Now that my diabetes is under control, sex and orgasms are once again enjoyable and a huge part of my life.
11/17/2021
Contributor: iovys iovys
Aside from what the others have mentioned in the thread with visiting a doctor, checking if there are meds or underlying conditions involved, I'd like to chip in my 2 cents on the topic since I'm rather familiar with what you're going through. For me, my anorgasmia was caused by various mental blocks that I wasn't even aware I had.

I was 100% anorgasmic from when I started masturbating (I'd say like 2005?) up until December 2018. I still suffer from anorgasmia to some degree because it's extremely difficult for me to climax, but at least now I actually *can*.

Several things brought about this change, including: getting rid of my mental blocks like religious views on the topic/shame around enjoying sexual pleasure, learning to not give a crap about what others thought about me, remembering to breathe, and thinking about me instead of trying to watch/read erotica. Changing these mindsets took a very long time, but talking about these things (yes, just talking) with my rather close friends normalized it for me, and therefore helped lift most of the stigma. That's probably what I would've gotten if I had visited a psychologist. You may have some of that lingering yourself, and some doc sessions may be necessary to help with that. Thankfully, I was able to weave my way through this mess with the help of my friends.

Those things aside, I had an entire arsenal of vibrators, wands, and dildos that were all "okay this is the last-ditch effort purchase", and none of them really cut it for me, mostly because I had all those mental blocks, and I was following the techniques I saw in porn. After I started listening to what my body liked, I concluded that I hate rapid pistoning, and that for me, languid n' slow is *required* for me to finish if I'm to insert something into myself, and that I am absolutely obsessed with the way lubricant feels.

Now onto something that, in my case, was life-changing. Pressure-wave toys.

It all started when I got a pressure-wave toy. You can read about how it worked wonders in my review. I got another. And another. And yet another. They're my favorite thing, and I buy all the ones I can get my hands on. Literally all of them.

For most of them, I sing nothing but praises in my reviews. Those are usually quite expensive, but they're really worth their price tag. Cheaper ones are often 'just alright', but there are some gems amongst those too. I have yet to meet one that is blatantly *bad*.

I don't know if you've tried any of these, but if you haven't, do yourself a favor and give one a go. There's a slight learning curve to using them, so give yourself a few chances. These may not work for everyone, but for me, as someone who has a *very* hard time climaxing, they work, and I swear by them. Please keep in mind that they're *not* suction toys. They do not suck on the clit.

Good luck, and keep us posted!
11/17/2021
Contributor: Bunnybun Bunnybun
Quote:
Originally posted by iovys
Aside from what the others have mentioned in the thread with visiting a doctor, checking if there are meds or underlying conditions involved, I'd like to chip in my 2 cents on the topic since I'm rather familiar with what you're going ... more
I don't really have any mental blocks surrounding sex or masturbation; I see it in a very positive light and am very well aware and vocal about the numerous health benefits it comes with. That being said, I might have some unconscious blocks stemming from my anxiety and depression, but generally, that's ONLY because I feel ashamed I've never orgasmed and felt...unnatural because of it. And I have tried pressure wave toys; I got the satisfier pro 2 a while ago and have tried it on several occasions; it generally gets me to the exact same plateau though as penetrative stimulation, though faster, I guess? So I have to give some points for that I suppose. And I don't think it's a matter of I'm not doing what I like because it's pretty clear when I don't like something, it either hurts or feels like nothing, so I don't do that anymore and just stick to what makes me actually feel some sensation.
11/17/2021
Contributor: Bunnybun Bunnybun
Quote:
Originally posted by Paradocs
I would strongly suggest seeing a doctor to start with. You are correct that medications (anti-depressants for example) and many medical conditions (diabetes, etc) can play a role in difficulty orgasming. Start with an open, frank discussion with ... more
I really would love to go to the doctor for this but...I'm in quite a hard and EXTREMELY awkward position with that. I live in an extremely small and reserved town, and so my doctor has known me since I was very young, and I just...don't know if I could bear looking in her eyes and talking about my sexual disfunction... I know that's so trivial-sounding, and, yes, I know she's a doctor, and she has dealt with much worse, but I just cannot overcome that barrier. On top of that, if I do work up the strength to tell her...If she concludes it is from my medication; I have to decide between being able to orgasm and feeling absolutely horrible mentally because of it or being in indescribable physical pain constantly
11/17/2021
Contributor: Leil@ Leil@
Quote:
Originally posted by Bunnybun
I really would love to go to the doctor for this but...I'm in quite a hard and EXTREMELY awkward position with that. I live in an extremely small and reserved town, and so my doctor has known me since I was very young, and I just...don't ... more
Sometimes, it is enough to simply switch the meds. Medications from different brands can have different effects and cause different side effects. I mean, your doctor can prescribe you another type of medicine that will help with your condition but will not cause you side effects (if that is the issue).
11/18/2021
Contributor: Bunnybun Bunnybun
Quote:
Originally posted by Leil@
Sometimes, it is enough to simply switch the meds. Medications from different brands can have different effects and cause different side effects. I mean, your doctor can prescribe you another type of medicine that will help with your condition but ... more
Well sadly there probably isn't a lot I can do, most brands of my medications aren't as effective as the one I'm on now or my pharmacy might not carry them, plus I don't want to mess with it too much or I might face severe and potentially fatal consequences, on top of that it might just be my illness as a whole which is largely uncurable and is known for causing sexual dysfunction and all kinds of hormone problems. I might just have to accept that my body just isn't capable of it, though thats an extremely hard thing to do honestly and really hurts to admit
11/21/2021
Contributor: 4ever18 4ever18
Quote:
Originally posted by Bunnybun
Well sadly there probably isn't a lot I can do, most brands of my medications aren't as effective as the one I'm on now or my pharmacy might not carry them, plus I don't want to mess with it too much or I might face severe and ... more
Bunnybun,

If you're interested in discussing this topic in a more private setting, feel free to email me (7lx6gwtl18@gmail.com) .

Rick
11/22/2021
Contributor: Leil@ Leil@
Quote:
Originally posted by Bunnybun
Well sadly there probably isn't a lot I can do, most brands of my medications aren't as effective as the one I'm on now or my pharmacy might not carry them, plus I don't want to mess with it too much or I might face severe and ... more
I don't know if this can help beat hormonal issues, but... Have you heard about the Kegel exercises? Who knows, possibly it is worth trying.
11/22/2021
Contributor: Bunnybun Bunnybun
Quote:
Originally posted by Leil@
I don't know if this can help beat hormonal issues, but... Have you heard about the Kegel exercises? Who knows, possibly it is worth trying.
I actually have EXTREMELY good control of my kegals and muscles naturally, weirdly enough, I usually have to tighten them during sex or masturbation to feel anything at all so I guess it does help sort of
11/22/2021
Contributor: iovys iovys
Quote:
Originally posted by Bunnybun
I actually have EXTREMELY good control of my kegals and muscles naturally, weirdly enough, I usually have to tighten them during sex or masturbation to feel anything at all so I guess it does help sort of
Mayhaps the trick for you us to do a specific type of tightening pattern with your kegels for yourself? I find it a little easier to cum if I absolutely exhaust my kegels of all their strength. Believe me, it's exhausting to do it really hard for over an hour straight for me, but worth it. Maybe give it a try if you haven't yet?

Also, you keep speaking about doing all this with sex. Not saying you haven't, but... Perhaps it'd be better to try and learn to cum by yourself with a dildo or vibe? It took months for me to figure out what my body liked before I was able to out it into words for others to understand.
11/23/2021
Contributor: Bunnybun Bunnybun
Quote:
Originally posted by iovys
Mayhaps the trick for you us to do a specific type of tightening pattern with your kegels for yourself? I find it a little easier to cum if I absolutely exhaust my kegels of all their strength. Believe me, it's exhausting to do it really hard for ... more
I can do that but usually it just becomes completely numb at that point and then I'm tired, cranky, and even more sad

And I just meant during sex with a partner I USUALLY don't feel anything at all unless I use my kegal muscles but I tend to have at least a tiny bit of sensation when it's just myself. And I've been trying to figure it out by myself for years and to no avail. I don't really know what I "like" because I don't understand the feeling I get from doing things or sometimes don't feel anything at all like I said. Sex and masturbation in general feels like a huge blah and everything feels so...odd and foggy to me so it's hard to declare what I like even just to myself
11/23/2021