Oh, iTap. What do I tell these lovely people that want to know how to use you? Should I try to find some remote application for you, so that I don't paint you as the worst toy on the market? Should I explain how you COULD be used, if only you were assembled somewhat differently? No, better to tell the whole truth. The iTap is certainly not the worst toy on the market, and in fact is slightly ingenious in many ways. It really COULD be a very interesting and exciting product, but it completely fails to fulfill its purpose which is to stimulate and arouse.

The iTap is a small egg vibrator which fits easily in the palm of your hand. It is not attached by wire to a remote device of any kind; instead it is turned on by the simple tapping of your finger...or anything else. The egg's speeds can be changed by tapping, and after cycling through all five settings the vibrator may be turned off with a final tap. Because the egg does not have any kind of handle or base, and no wire to aid in 'retrieval', it is not advisable to insert vaginally or anally. However if maintaining a tight grip, the perineum, external portion of the anus, labia and clitoris can all be accessed adequately with this design.

Still, while the iTap has no problems getting in touch with your intimate bits or providing the vibrations necessary to rock your socks, it lacks the kind of user-friendly control needed to get off by anything other than a fluke. Gambling and masturbation are generally very unfit for analogy, so when I start to think of my sexy time in terms of probability I know something has gone awry. That's what it comes down to with this vibrator, though. If the stars align and I don't accidentally bump the touch activated interface at a crucial moment, I might get through to the end of the session and reach orgasm. But 9 times out of 10 (see! probability! it doesn't belong here!) I end up so frustrated I have to either stop entirely or commission another toy to finish the job. I was even less successful in using this with a partner. As the number of body parts increased, so did the odds of accidentally hitting the controls and ruining the fun.

Like many egg vibrators, this one is made from hard plastic which is a semi-porous material. This means it is safer than jelly and many other materials, but can still absorb bacteria. For this reason you should cover the egg with a condom or use a dental dam if you share it with a partner whose testing status is unknown to you. Again, as with other hard plastic toys there is a slight scent that fades with time for the iTap, but even while it lasts it cannot be detected unless placed directly under the nose. This material can and will absorb smells so be sure to clean it between uses to keep it fresh.

The egg is entirely smooth and can become very slippery with lubricant, and since there's no insertion going on your best bet is to avoid added lubrication. There is no seam except for a slight ridge that separates the 'body' of the toy from the battery cap, but it is not noticeable during use.

This vibrator doesn't deviate too much from the standard egg template; at about three inches long and one and a half inches at its widest point, the iTap's size is predictably compact. If not for the fear of it becoming turned on in transit I would recommend this highly for traveling and bringing along on dates and excursions for extra sexiness. However, unless you want to try fishing the vibrator, cap and two AAAs out of your bag at the least opportune moment, I would say this is a stay-at-home vibe.

The iTap is slightly unique in terms of design in that it is more of a long, broad cylindrical shape that maintains an even width throughout. Unlike other 'eggs' that are shaped like actual eggs, this toy is easier to grip on its sides because of these features. Its broad surface area also distribute vibrations (which were not localized in any particular part of the toy) very nicely. The power of the functions threaten to numb sensitive areas, but since they are spread throughout the surrounding area, I found the brute force of this thing kept mostly in check. Because this toy is not meant for insertion, any 'level' of user can use it without worry. In terms of its size and design it is just as well suited for beginners as it is advanced users.

Okay, so on the iTap's report card this is the part its parent(s) freak out about and ground it over. I don't blame them. This is where all the potential we see in design and concept completely negated. To start, let's establish the basics. The iTap has five great settings, all of which are substantially different so there's a true sense of variety. The settings are as follows:

ONE TAP: strong, steady, continuous vibration
TWO TAPS: very strong, steady, continuous vibration
THREE TAPS: bz bz BZZZZZ bz bz BZZZZZ, unequally timed vibrations; two brief bursts of vibration followed by an extended vibration, emphasis on third vibration (one, two, THREEEEE)
FOUR TAPS: bz bz bz bz bz bz bz bz bz, equally timed and equally emphasized (one, two, three, four)
FIVE TAPS: BZ bz BZ bz BZ bz, equally timed vibrations with emphasis on first and third vibrations (ONE, two, THREE, four)

The toy starts out auspiciously as a strong vibrator that has the potential to avoid desensitization issues by dispersing the vibration through a larger surface area. In my experience the design was excellent in terms of distributing vibrations; I felt them strongly on my clitoris, for example, but not with excessive force. The vibration was also pleasantly extended to contingent bits like my labia, but again not with excessive force. However, my hand itself became very over-stimulated (itchy-tickling kind of over-stim) and eventually somewhat desensitized. And believe me, sensitive hands is exactly what I needed if I ever had any hope of getting an orgasm out of this thing.

Truth is, it is possible to have an orgasm with this toy. I finally exacted one from it after several tries, but sex isn't supposed to be stressful! Stressed is exactly how this toy left me. It was very difficult to hold the iTap in place and not disturb its touch pad, and because it's a relatively wide vibrator it requires a pretty firm grip. If you even THINK of adding another person into the mix you are nearly guaranteed a lot of frustratingly abrupt cessation or change in function. The iTap is also inconsistent the amount of touch if requires to change its settings; a very light skimming of the pad may do it while a somewhat harder tap may not. It has also failed to turn on for me on two occasions. I always remove batteries between uses, and upon putting the batteries back in and replacing the cap the vibrator would not turn on no matter what I did. When I returned to it later in both instances it did, in fact, turn on. But this is still another way in which the iTap is not a consistent lover.

This little egg is also QUITE loud. If you share a room, or live in a space that has thin walls, this will not be a great choice. Easily heard through sheets and doors, its buzz is tremendously obvious and also annoying for the user! The motor seems to rattle somewhat against the egg itself, creating a really awful buzzsaw racket. Also keep in mind that if you need to quickly silence this one you have to cycle through all five of its settings in order to return to the off setting. If you simply require temporary silence a trick is to hold your finger down on the touchpad: the vibrator remains silent for as long as there is pressure on the touchpad, and resumes vibration once the pressure is abated. So if you had to answer a phone quickly, you could theoretically have some silence. However, if you had to quickly answer a door you would be out of luck. The battery cap is also not easy to remove, which eliminates another option for a speedy make-shift off-switch.

The iTap is made of hard plastic, making it compatible with all lubricants including oil, water and silicone. It may also be stored with all other toy materials including silicone and jelly. As mentioned above this egg is not waterproof, so cleaning it is a little different than other hard plastic vibrators. Instead of rinsing you should instead cleanse the toy with a damp wash cloth and antibacterial soap. Make sure that during cleaning the battery compartment is closed as tight as possible and make sure that the toy is completely dry before re-opening. As with all vibrators you should store the iTap without its batteries inside in order to extend the life of both the toy and the batteries. Hard plastic is somewhat absorbent and can pick up odors, so make sure to store in a dry and well ventilated area.

I was sort of off to a bad start with this one straightaway at the mail room. For the tiny bullet enclosed within a tiny plastic bag, it came in a cardboard box that was unwieldy and absolutely huge. It's also unlikely to hold up if used as a storage container. I hate wasteful packaging! The bullet requires two AAA batteries which were not included in the packaging which was a bit of a disappointment as well. Including batteries is certainly not a requirement for a good vibrator, but is generally a courtesy offered by manufacturers of quality toys. All of my favorite vibrators have come with batteries. Coincidence? Hm...

The package was nice in that it featured none of the greased up, orange-tanned models that tend to grace Cal Exotics' boxes. I adamantly support this designing choice and hope it indicates a shift for Cal Exotics toward more appealing advertising. And while my boyfriend and I really couldn't figure out how the picture of white flower blossoms related to the product in any way, it provided us some good-natured amusement.

Honestly, I really do have a soft spot for this toy because I think it's a great idea. The idea of a diversity of sensations quite literally at my fingertip appeals to me immensely. I don't want to have to fiddle with knobs and dials in the heat of the moment! I also think Cal Exotic is a great company to take on such an ambitious project because they are well known for doing things for a reasonable price and with POWER! Unfortunately this really misses the mark and leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. However, my boyfriend (a noise musician) has been making great use of this as part of an extended guitar technique in which he "strums" by placing the iTap on the strings. Whatever setting its sensitive pad jumps to is just a part of the improvisational nature of the piece. At least its getting use, right?