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Jesse James: Try a Little Honesty Next Time?

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If monogamy isn't for you, 'fess up. Addiction doesn't seem like it's the real problem.


Contributor: MissMarnie

Obviously, we can only speculate based on what we've heard but I think his problems go deeper than simply needing to be upfront about his disinclination towards monogamy (which would be an excellent first step.) Based on the sundry details offered up over the years, not only is he incapable of assessing his ability to remain monogamous, but he also fails to use condoms which may stretch the bounds of reasonable expectations for even those who are most interested in open relationships.

And we still don't know how he responds to the idea of his own primary partner being with other people. Part of the reason he may make the big sell on how he's a changed man and totally committed may be because he wants an open relationship for himself but he expects his partners to be entirely monogamous. Part of what might excite him is the fact that what he's doing is "wrong." Perhaps agreeing to non-monogamy, takes the fun out of it.

I think it's presumptuous to assume that an open relationship is the solution to his non-monogamy. You need a better understanding of why he thinks he wants monogamy and fails so epically. It's not like open relationships are a well kept secret and it's not like there aren't many women out there looking for open relationships. I don't really buy into the idea that there's a "sex addiction" to treat, in this case, but I do think he's got issues of some sort and they start with him, not the women he promises the sun and moon and stars to.

Contributor: Gemma Jones
Gemma Jones  

Miss Marnie is absolutely correct. No one can really make any assessment on what will make this man a better person based purely on what is available in the media. The intricacies of his relationships would be something a trained therapist would be unlikely to unravel even after many sessions.

To suggest that polyamoury or an open relationship would be a viable solution is also a little simplistic. Having said that I don't think the author is suggesting that this is the solution here. I felt the tone of the article was more about people speaking up and being honest about their needs and desires instead of trying to make them fit into a neat little box.

The term open relationship is not one that has a clear definition. The people who are in genuine open relationships usually have a very different definition than those who have never really considered one or taken the time to understand why one would want to be in one. I myself am in an open relationship of sorts. To us open relationship does NOT equal open slather. There are boundaries and constant communication about what is OK and what is not OK. The key thing we have learned from this journey is that the true path to happiness and a strong relationship is HONESTY and communication both speaking and listening.

So is an open relationship the solution to cheating. Probably not. Is having a more open mind about what is acceptable? Not the complete solution but definitely could be very helpful. Is more honesty and non-judgmental listening the answer? I would say yes.

Contributor: Lucius Scribbens
Lucius Scribbens  

Jesse James doesn't have an addiction. He doesn't need therapy to figure-out why he can't remain faithful. He's simply a person with a high sex drive and an inability to be honest with anyone. Would an open relationship help his relationship(s) with others? Probably not because he would still be lying about who he's seeing. It's who Jesse James is. And as MissMarnie states, I think he also gets-off on the doing something wrong aspect of cheating. That is of itself is the thrill of sex with someone other than his wife. Probably more-so than the sex itself.