So apparently the newest thing in vaginas is alarm clocks.
Go back. Read that again.
Vaginal. Alarm clock.
I’ll admit, at first it sounds intriguing…a vibrating alarm clock shoved up your lady parts. Who wouldn’t want that? Answer: Any sane woman.
And here’s why.
1. It looks like a turkey thermometer.
2. I hardly ever remember to set my alarm, much less set it, clean it, and insert it in my vagina.
3. Who wants to own an alarm clock that’s been in a vagina?
4. You probably aren't the only one in the house who needs to wake up. What about when it’s your day off but your husband needs to wake up at 5am? I don’t even want to imagine that discussion.
5. There’s a clock in it. “Honey, what time is it?” “Oh hold on. LET ME CHECK MY VAGINA.” No.
And truthfully, all of those reasons are really more my opinion than fact, but here’s a real concern: When I was a kid, my mom woke me up every morning by singing Doris Day songs. As a result, I now can’t hear Doris Day without wanting to yell “BITCH, STOP SINGING AND LET ME SLEEP.” Imagine that same scenario, except instead of hating Doris Day you learn to hate orgasms. Could it happen? I have no idea. I’m not a Sleep Scientist.
My guess is “Maybe.”
Go back. Read that again.
Vaginal. Alarm clock.
I’ll admit, at first it sounds intriguing…a vibrating alarm clock shoved up your lady parts. Who wouldn’t want that? Answer: Any sane woman.
And here’s why.
1. It looks like a turkey thermometer.
2. I hardly ever remember to set my alarm, much less set it, clean it, and insert it in my vagina.
3. Who wants to own an alarm clock that’s been in a vagina?
4. You probably aren't the only one in the house who needs to wake up. What about when it’s your day off but your husband needs to wake up at 5am? I don’t even want to imagine that discussion.
5. There’s a clock in it. “Honey, what time is it?” “Oh hold on. LET ME CHECK MY VAGINA.” No.
And truthfully, all of those reasons are really more my opinion than fact, but here’s a real concern: When I was a kid, my mom woke me up every morning by singing Doris Day songs. As a result, I now can’t hear Doris Day without wanting to yell “BITCH, STOP SINGING AND LET ME SLEEP.” Imagine that same scenario, except instead of hating Doris Day you learn to hate orgasms. Could it happen? I have no idea. I’m not a Sleep Scientist.
My guess is “Maybe.”
What time is it? Hmmm, seems to be twat o'clock here.
This is so funny!
I don't want to have to fish my alarm clock out of the toilet when I forget to hang onto it in the middle of the night...
A better bet is the camgirl alarm clock: you plug a Hitachi Magic Wand into a lamp/appliance timer, set the Hitachi on high, and tuck it under your pillow. Of course, you'll probably wake your partner by screaming and swearing when it goes off.
Fabulous. I want one just to say I have it.
cool article
My mom used to sing "rise and shine and give god the glory glory..." Imagine my feelings now...
For the record, this is not an insertion device. It doesn't go inside your vagina.
Also, it's awesome.
I seriously laughed SO HARD.
Brilliant article. Enormous metal chickens, tiny vibrating roosters - I sense a theme here.
I'm the inventor, and re your sleep scientist question, just the opposite happens. The more you enjoy the feeling of waking up, the more likely you are to start your day in a great mood.
So which would you prefer, being woken by an irritating beep or gentle clitoral vibrations? DM me on twitter if you'd like a complimentary Little Rooster to review! I'm sure you'll have fun with the snorgasm function.
(And as others have noted, no part goes inside your vagina. And if you have to wake up at 5 am and your husband wants to sleep, Little Rooster is silent and won't wake him. Is there no end to the delights of this device?)
Little Rooster Store
My god, what an awful(ly funny) idea.