Paradise Island by Shane's World Productions - review by lexical

Playful Paradise

I could not even become aroused throughout most of this horrible DVD. The chemistry between the performers is lukewarm at best and the scenes are uninteresting and difficult to get through. I barely made it through and it certainly doesn't warrant repeat viewing.
It's so bad that it's actually kinda funny. Yay, humor!
It's terrible and unsexy. The cast members don't even seem to like each other.
Rating by reviewer:
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The DVD menu opens up with some funky island beats, bright colors, and still shots of the cast in various states of nudity. Woo! It's gonna be a great vacation.

The movie is split into twelve scenes. Not all of the scenes depict sexual acts. They are not titled, so I'll describe the first three scenes for you. If you can stomach more than that, you are stronger than I. I watched them all, but I stopped taking notes at the point of vomiting induced by under-age drinking.

Scene 1 and Scene 2: The first scenes consist of everyone looking pretty haggard at the airport, riding in a van, and arriving at the house to choose rooms, go shopping, get lost, and eat dinner.

Scene 2: Michael and Vanessa end up in the pool. Michael goes down on Vanessa and they move from the pool to the bedroom, where they have pretty uninspiring sex, mostly involving Michael drilling Vanessa while she wails and says things like, "Fuck that pussy!" I find her repellant, but Michael is so hot that it almost makes up for it. Almost. The chemistry is just not there. Michael looks like he's at work, which he is, but it just doesn't look like he's enjoying it all that much. However, it ends with a facial that gets in Vanessa's eye and she chases Michael out of the room. That's kind of the best part of the whole scene.

Scene 3: They drink, dance, and lay around in bed. They go hang-gliding and drink more at a little beachside bar. Vanessa barfs.

The DVD Extras consist of two sections. "Lost Footage", or cut scenes, and "Interviews", which is self-explanatory.

"Lost Footage" is basically a bunch of clips of the cast hanging out, chatting while they're on the road, etc. It's full of Tori Black's infinite wit and wisdom. For example, "You know the truth about blowjobs? Every dick likes to be sucked differently." There's a little bit of nudity once they get to the location, but it's mostly silliness, not sexiness. They proceed to get out of the pool and go grocery shopping. Hot! Then they drink and basically watch Vanessa Cage make a fool of herself. They put on some weird masks and have a dance party and jump into the pool. It's 20 minutes of this, seriously. If you're looking for the sex, skip ahead 20 minutes. At that point, you'll get a short, nice little blowjob and fucking scene between Michael and Vanessa. Vanessa makes some absolutely terrible noises while Michael's fucking her. It mainly sounds like a chihuahua trapped down a well, repeatedly yipping and whining. They wake up the other two girls in the room next door. Throughout these segments, it becomes pretty obvious that Tori and Brooklyn are not really big fans of Vanessa, which is possibly why these scenes were cut. It's a little awkward.After less than ten minutes of sex, they go back to chatting in the car, hitting the beach, and basically just being goofy. Vanessa throws up after once again drinking too much. They head home.

The interviews are pretty typical. Tori and Brooklyn are very introspective and sharp, but Vanessa is drunk, as she is through most of the film. She mostly just babbles and slurs a lot. She talks about God and her love of baked potatoes and how she doesn't care about anyone but herself and how her plan for her life was to become a dolphin trainer. I can't handle her stupidity. It is extremely unattractive to me. Maybe some people like the bimbo thing. If so, Vanessa Cage is all yours. I'll keep Tori and Brooklyn for myself. Oddly, the gents are never interviewed.

I will never watch this again. It was a train wreck.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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