There Was Never a Cock Like My Johnny: Part 1

I like to think I'm paying homage to the amazing singer who hailed from my home state, but the fabulous Peggy Lee is probably rolling in her grave as I write, generating enough electricity to power half of California.

Seems fitting since silicone dildos have the strange ability to conduct electricity, too (see the Material/Texture section).

Moving on, this dildo admittedly made me rather nervous when I first read about how incredibly soft, flexible, and floppy he could be. However, after my experiences with Kong, I was more than willing to give Johnny a chance. Though comparing Kong to Johnny is kind of like comparing a Judas Cradle to Charmin ultra-soft. (I hate those commercials with the animated bears.)

As of today all of my doubts are a thing of the past. Johnny VixSkin presents a beautiful balance of thickness and softness that makes him accessible to sex toy users from across the experience spectrum. Though his gentle curvature all but disappears when you hold him horizontally and tip is very squishy, the texturing of the wrinkled foreskin and the raised edge of the head provide enough gentle stimulation to be deliciously pleasurable. I have only utilized Johnny vaginally, but his flared base and balls make him completely anal safe, and harness compatible (though possibly a little awkward due to the size of the testicles).

Top view

Johnny is a special high quality, dual-density pure silicone dildo made by Vixen Creations. The completely tasteless and odorless qualities of silicone would normally lend a toy to be ideal for oral play, but I would caution against it due to the delicate nature of Johnny's plush exterior. I have already left a few nail marks in the base of the shaft and I imagine teeth would do just as much damage to it. (Per the package's advisories: handle with care.)

While I would expect a softer toy to demand a little tenderness, I was not prepared for the static. VixSkin has a slightly tacky surface quality, but it also conducts static electricity. But fear no thunderstorm brewing overhead, for you are not about to be smote by the gods for your uncontrollable sexiness, even though you're holding a mini lightning rod.

Of course, the more you press and release the shaft, the more charged it becomes, thereby enhancing its lint attracting capability. Like, how, based on empirical evidence, Thor being the god of Thunder makes him more attractive to people. Yeah. I just said that.

In terms of texture, the raised veins on the shaft and folded skin are balanced out by how squishy Johnny is. Still, they make enough of a difference that without them you'd be better off buying a package of bratwursts and some condoms. Really big bratwursts.

The dildo is reasonably realistic in appearance, save for the fact the balls constantly remind me of Nicki Minaj's cartoonish ass. Balls aside, the rest of its molding is well done. Its veins are raised but not overly large, the head is neatly shaped, and the detail of the folded skin adds both form and function to the package.

However, even with inner shaft made of denser silicone, it's still much softer and more flexible than the real thing. But unless you generally avoid very soft materials, VixSkin Johnny would be a good buy for toy users of nearly all skill levels. Its squishiness is balanced by its girth and light texturing. It fills you completely, with enough give that it likely won't hurt, and gently teases you.

Even so: know your limits! Despite Johnny's incredible squish-factor it's still a thick toy.

Shaft lengths
Shaft width and base size
Base of shaft girth
Upper shaft girth
Head girth

My Johnny took a little time to figure out. Not difficult to figure out how to use him, of course. The difficulty came with the discovery of when to use him.

When sufficiently lubed up Johnny provides good stimulation, if not enough to cause orgasm on his own (at least for me). The head is pronounced and can be felt within, though soft enough that it tends to flatten somewhat. The folds of skin just past the head offer the most pleasure upon entrance, and the stiff inner core maintains the dildo's slight upward curve even internally.

Generally, I gravitate towards a stiffer dildo with light to moderate texture, and a pronounced head. The kind that can really give my g-spot a workout. Johnny VixSkin is not one of those toys.

Simply put, Johnny VixSkin is defined by vrooooooooom, and not VROOM. He is slow, hot lovemaking versus a fuck that leaves you throbbing. The appetizer or the dessert, not the entree. The temperate, intimate counterpart to the firm, non-VixSkin Johnny.

My Johnny VixSkin is not perfect, and not my favorite dildo, but he has earned his place.

Johnny VixSkin is made out of high quality silicone. Though the best silicone products are expensive, they more than make up for that fact with durability, ease of care, and lack of potentially dangerous chemicals.

Silicone is nonporous, making it resistant to bacteria. It also has a high melting and boiling point, making sterilizing the toy by placing it on the top rack of the dishwasher, or carefully placing it in boiling water for 3 minutes, possible. If that freaks you out a bit, you can soak it in a solution of 1 part bleach to 10 parts water.

Sterilizing silicone toys every so often is recommended, but doesn't need to be done every time the toy is used. A wash in anti-bacterial hand soap and warm water, or a rub down with disinfecting cleansing wipes is ideal.

Silicone can vary greatly in terms of density, but it is resistant to ripping and tearing from use. However, the softer the silicone, the greater care that needs to be taken to guard from cuts and punctures (so mind your fingernails). Vixen Creations recommends storing their toys upright to prevent bending and sagging from gravity. This can make storage difficult for some, and it is perfectly okay to lie Johnny on its side.

It should only be used with water-based lubricants, because silicone lubes can degrade, damage, and/or bond to the toy. Keep away from toys made of other materials, because this can also cause chemical reactions. Store in a dark place, as sunlight can fade colors and warp its shape.

The rectangular clam shell package Johnny comes in is extremely useful for storage. It's sized to fit the toy near perfectly, if a bit snugly. It's kept shut tight by two plastic snaps that aren't difficult to open. The plastic is thick yet flexible enough that it can be bent back into shape if it gets a little squished.

Additionally, the box is flat on its front and back, so it can be laid on its side. Its bottom is also angled so that it's possible to follow Vixen Creations' suggestion to store Johnny upright. But, the package is also clear, with a large and suggestively shaped logo on the front, so it can't be left out.

Its creators were also nice enough to add a short list of the products virtues as well as easy-to-follow care instructions.

My one beef with the package is that when I say "near perfectly" and "a bit snugly," it means not quite as well as it could. Base to tip, the height of the box is good. What's not so good is the box's width. Despite my best efforts, Johnny's base has curved upward with time because the box isn't wide enough for it to lie flat. Now, to be fair, that doesn't cause any problems during use, and there are no stress lines or rips in sight. It does, however, making picture taking a chore.

It also makes setting it on top of your vanity while its wet an adventure, since it likes to glide along by itself with the slightest nudge, wobbling unsteadily all the way.

I would like to make note that I've read about how batches of Johnny VixSkins made at different times tend to have different densities. Mine happens to be very squishy, while others seem to be a lot firmer. July 2012 has come and gone, and I purchased my Johnny a year ago. It may very well be the the most recent batch of Johnny VixSkins is on the firmer side. Or it might not.

I don't believe my review is any less valid because of this fact. It is my hope that it will at least aid you in making a decision even if what you receive turns out to be different than I have described.