Ethical Slut - book discontinued by Celestial Arts - review by smlove

The authors Dossie and Janet write seamlessly in this book. Their voices flow together as one. It is obvious that they have been friends and lovers for many years because they write as such. In the first edition, Janet used a pseudonym because she had children under 18. For this second edition, she chose to use her real name. Janet has written 10+ books about her sexual adventures and other similar topics. Dossie is a licensed family and marriage therapist. She has also authored at least four other books. They combine their separate experiences with their shared ones to create a very enjoyable and informational read.

This book contains information for practicing polyamorists and people interested in trying the lifestyle. They approach most topics that poly people tend to deal with, including jealousy, basic protocol, the ethics of loving multiple people, and the many styles that people live. They discuss being single and poly, as well as handling multiple partners. They touch on the subject of polyfidelity, but don't go into too much detail. My favorite chapter was the one on jealousy. One of the things that stuck with me the most from this book was in that chapter. They talk about recognizing jealousy when it happens, but then allowing yourself to feel it so that you know you can live through it. It's not the end of the world. Then they tell you how to take care of yourself so that you recognize the jealousy, but you don't give it any power. I frequently re-read that chapter a lot. Being poly doesn't mean not having jealousy. It just means you're generally better at handling it than most monogamists.
The language is very mature in that they assume you're already on some kind of path to self-growth. I much appreciated how they discussed problems and framed them in a logical manner. A lot of 'adults' haven't grown up much and still tend to approach problems from a childish point of view, and then they generally just get more complicated rather than solved. The authors take care to explain why and how they worked through their own problems so that anyone could understand their thought process. But it very much felt like experienced and wise people wrote this book instead of people that just Thought they knew about this topic.
I would recommend this book to anyone, even monogamists because it offers a new perspective. I think ultimately, we're all some form of poly, it just may not be romantic love. We all love more than one person in some way or another, and this book sheds light on the many different forms that can take. And again, the jealousy chapter would be helpful to pretty much every human being on the planet. We don't just get jealous of people, we can be jealous of things too. For the people that wish their SO didn't spend so much time on their hobby, or at work, or with their friends, that chapter would help immensely.

The book has a glossy finish to the cover and binding. It is laid out chapter by chapter with a table of contents in the beginning in case there is a chapter you want to skip ahead to. One thing that is different about this second edition is that they have included personal 'exercises' to do in order to meditate on your thoughts. A few of them were very helpful, but most of them I could have done without. They were a little too kindergarten for me.
The title is very provoking because it has 'slut' in it, so I would maybe keep this book away from young children. However, for progressive parents and teens, I'd say this wouldn't be inappropriate. Not everyone is poly, but it's a very well written book on a different lifestyle. And if you take nothing away except an understanding and awareness for another lifestyle than your own, I'd say that's a win. The picture on the cover is not provoking or salacious in anyway.

A friend recommended this book to me when I was 20. I didn't read it until 3 years later, and I really wish I had read it sooner. It has helped me in life, not just with my relationships. I like myself a lot more, and am working on becoming okay with who I am and who I want to be because I know how to reach out to people in so many different ways. I am so blessed with a wife that has just as big a heart (if not bigger) than I do and loves to share our love with me and others.

We've recommended this book to a few people and it has generally been well received. When reading it in a public place, people are intrigued by the title and like to ask questions. I'm all about spreading information, so I happily set the book down and took time to explain what they meant by 'taking back the word slut'.