Ten points for ingenuity, eight points for appearance... and maybe it's just me, but a mere two or three points for functionality. I don't want to go into detail, but if I'm having my pussy licked, it's the surprising swoops and nibbles (and bites, but let's not go there) that do it for me, not the repetitive thwack-thwack-thwack of a tongue on my clit. And I do mean thwack-thwack-thwack, as the little wheel spins and a succession of firm silicone petals whack the little guy over the head.

Where's the imagination of a good lover? Where are the appreciative noises with which a happy partner accompanies your own? Where are the sensations of breath, flesh, stubble? Thwack thwack thwack. (Oh, and buzz buzz buzz. It's a noisy little thing, but not in a good way.)

Remember those pinwheel windmills you used to love as a child? The makers of the Sqweel do. It's a similar principle, and I'm sure that with some modification (and a convenient wind machine) it's a cheaper option as well. You can adjust the Sqweel's speed, and that is a plus. But as another reviewer pointed out, attempts to increase the pressure just cause the Sqweel to slow or even stop, and any pleasant thoughts you might have been enjoying are suddenly supplanted by the horror movie image of your body being sucked into the grinding, whirring machinery... clitoris first. Not pleasant.

As a variant amid a collection of other toys, the Sqweel does have a certain appeal. And another reviewer made a very valid observation: "Just keep it out of your hubby's paws, what mine did was just absolutely.....scandalous!!!!". Because my boyfriend seemed to enjoy the sensations as well, although not, he said, for too long. Thwack-thwack-thwack.

My own feeling is that cunnilingus is far too intimate an art for any mechanical device to simulate successfully, and there's the question of technique as well. There are guys out there, after all, for whom "thwack-thwack-thwack" is all they think they need to do. They're the ones whom you stop, or distract, very quickly, and - hey! You know what the best thing about the Sqweel might be?

It doesn't sulk when you ask it to stop.