Licking the Learning Curve

The Sqweel 2 is designed to simulate oral sex, a function it performs best when used wrong. It's a unique vibration-free clitoral stimulator that can provide interesting sensations to any body part that might respond positively to the hyperactive licking of an oversized hummingbird with a crack addiction.

While the Sqweel 2 can be used by beginners and experienced toy users alike, it's best for those with a fair bit of patience, because it will take multiple uses to discover how best to take advantage of its abilities, which are almost, but not quite, entirely unlike oral sex.

It's best suited for solo play, primarily because couples generally already have access to functional human tongues, which would make the Sqweel 2 not quite worth the trouble, in most cases. Not that someone with a little imagination couldn't find a use, of course, but that's true of everything. The Sqweel 2 is not a toy for a quickie. It should be used only when the user has enough time to relax and experiment. A time limit will only make this toy frustrating.

The important part of the Sqweel 2 -- the wheel -- is made of a pleasantly soft and flexible silicone, while the rest of the toy is shiny ABS plastic. It's latex-free, hypoallergenic, odorless and non-porous, which means the tongues can be sterilized and the whole toy is free of dangerous chemicals such as Phthalates.

The silicone does have a fair bit of drag to it, which requires plenty of water based lubricant, preferably one of medium thickness. Due to the speed at which the wheel moves, the little tongues will send droplets of thinner lubes in all directions, while the thickest lubes stay put, but feel wrong for the experience. After multiple trials, I found Sliquid Sassy to be of an ideal consistency, while several other excellent quality lubes lacked the skill set required by the demanding Sqweel 2.

The general shape of the toy makes it easy to hold, with finger rests on one side, and curves rather than sharp edges to rest in one's palm. The tongues are long enough to flap effectively, which is really all that is required of them as far as shape.

The Sqweel 2's discretion relies more on the worldliness of the person noticing it than upon the toy itself. When the case is closed, a brief glance might dismiss it as a random gadget or iSomething. That is, unless the person in question has ever surfed the Internet. It's such a unique toy that articles about it have popped up in the strangest places. Also, anyone looking closely can see the tongues through the plastic cap, and anything that has multiple pink tongues is probably not used for knitting, or whatever the kids are into these days. My own emergency backup cover story is that it's an exfoliator, but that seems flimsy at best. (I thought about claiming it was a shoe polisher, but if forced to demonstrate, I'd never get the boot black off the silicone.)

For travel, remove the batteries and check that the cover is secure. Then put it in a ziplock bag and bury it in whatever part of your luggage seems most discreet. TSA might recognize it, but hopefully they'll leave it alone. If that thought worries you, leave the Sqweel at home and pack a different toy.

The Sqweel 2 does not vibrate, instead it flaps its army of tongues against the skin at a variety of speeds, all of which are faster than the human tongue can manage. Unlike its predecessor, the Sqweel 2 has a flicker mode, and can also reverse directions. The controls are straightforward enough -- either read the directions, or play around with the toy before you really play with the toy. I recommend starting with the lowest speed, and remaining there until you have a firm grasp of how best to aim this thing at your bits. Be patient, it'll take a few trials to get the hang of it, but clever toys are worth the extra effort.

When choosing an angle for the Sqweel, it's helpful to think in three dimensions. Not only can you position this so that it's licking from top to bottom, or from left to right, etc., but you also have control over the angle. I found that if the device was held slanted about 45 degrees it provided a different sensation than if it was held upright.

As for pressure, I've seen complaints that too much pressure will stop the motion. It will. That's basic physics. Strong enough direct pressure will stop a gear, and be glad it does, because the other option is pain. If you apply enough pressure to slow the wheel, however, without pushing it hard enough to stop it, that's when the Sqweel feels the most like oral sex. Alternately, holding it so that it's hovering above your body, with only the tips of the tongues making the lightest contact, is a sensation worth exploring.

The reverse mode feels much more intense than the forward motion, due to the shape of the tongues. Many will find it too strong. As for the flicker motion, it might take multiple tries to find the right position to enjoy that setting. Sideways, with the body of the toy practically flat against the body, is an angle worth considering.

After a month of playing with this toy, the only thing I can say for sure is that every single variable you alter will change the sensation the toy provides. Sometimes it feels fantastic. Other times it feels more like being slapped than licked.

While I feel the Sqweel 2 is a really good toy, it won't be for everyone, and it's not conducive to quickies. It also won't fit between bodies during sex. However, if you focus on what it does do, you'll find that it provides a ridiculous variety, and if you have the patience to experiment, you'll find a way to enjoy this toy.

As for sound level, this could be heard through a thin door in a quiet building, but it doesn't sound like a vibrator. It's probably best used with background noise if discretion is a concern.

For cleaning, the Sqweel 2 comes apart, making it a multi-stage process, but not a difficult one. Unlock the side panel, slide it off, and pop out the silicone wheel. It can now be washed in hot, soapy water, or sprayed with toy cleaner, or, if necessary, wiped down with a ten percent bleach solution.

All of the plastic parts can be wiped down with a baby wipe, a toy wipe, or just a damp cloth. If sterilization is a particular concern, plastic can be wiped down with isopropyl alcohol. (I recommend doing a spot test when using alcohol on plastic toys, as in rare cases some alcohol based solutions can do surface damage to some plastics, and it's better safe than sorry.)

The Sqweel 2 should only be used with water based lubricants, and the choice of lubricant significantly effects the performance of the toy. You'll need one that won't dry out during extended play, isn't sticky, is thick enough to stay in place, and is slick enough to remove drag. I tried a variety of high quality lubricants before settling on Sliquid Sassy as the lube of choice for the Sqweel 2. It's also important to get lube on both sides of each tongue -- the easiest method is to make a small puddle of lube on the back of your hand, turn on the Sqweel, and apply it to the puddle. Remember to reverse directions to get both sides of each tongue. Apply a more sane amount of lube -- a couple of drops -- to your own body, and give it a whirl. If you feel drag or discomfort, you'll need to repeat the process, otherwise, enjoy.

The packaging for the Sqweel 2 lacks discretion in every way possible without slapping a naked lady on the box. It says "Oral Sex Toy" in large lettering on the front, and is an awkward shape for hiding amid other recyclables. I was forced to resort to fire. In August.

I'd never recommend avoiding a toy strictly because of its packaging, but if packaging disposal is a concern, you'll need to have a plan in mind before it arrives. Schedule your shipments accordingly.

While I would not recommend the Sqweel 2 as an only toy, it's definitely worth adding to a small collection. It's unique, and offers a variety of sensations. It does have a learning curve, though, so if you have a habit of giving up on toys when the first or second use doesn't blow you away, you might want to think twice.