A guide to the world of BDSM

Safe, Sane, and Consensual(SSC)

The big question asked by people who are thinking of getting into BDSM play; "Is this normal?" To answer a question with another question; "Is sexual exploration normal?" The answer is yes; humans are always progressing to create a bigger, better world so why shouldn't they strive to create bigger, better, sore satisfying sexual experiences?

The big question you SHOULD be asking about any of your BDSM play is "Is this SAFE, SANE, and CONSENSUAL?"


means you will not injure or bring physical harm to others and yourself. Those who are into rougher forms of play, S&M activities such as spanking and flogging, should not be discouraged because this refers to knowing your limits as well as the limits of your partner(s). Even if your partner suggests another slap with the paddle, be aware that he/she could be "flying" and you should keep a grasp of what your partner is truly capable of handling. A player sometimes gets so caught up in a BDSM activity he/she enters a trance-like state or a state of unrealistic euphoria called flying that can be caused by a combination of rushing endorphins or the intensity of the experience. This mystical or trance-like experience is why BDSM is sometimes referred to as Sexual Magic. Players should check-in with each other every now and then during play to keep the activities safe.


in reference to BDSM means understanding the person you are playing with. You do not want to do or say anything to harm your partner(s) emotionally or psychologically. A player should not wind up in the psych ward based on another player's actions or attitude during play. Humiliation is a part of some Domination and Submission play; this is fine as long as the person receiving this type of play consents to the aspects of his/her life, personality, and appearance that will be subject to humiliation. If one player is into "play rape" (and this does not mean a desire to be sexually assaulted or assault another person in real life), that player needs to know if his/her partner would be uncomfortable with that type of play. This brings us back to consent.


is reiterated because it is essential for all BDSM activities to be successful. You must have pre-established, explicit consent about all aspects of a session before anyone can start. It is the responsibility of each player to convey what he/she wants and does not want to happen in a scene. If you are the Dom playing in a scene and are not sure about the consent of something you want to do to your Sub, then wait until the scene is over to ask if you can do it the next time. If you’re not sure, don't do it; this is a good rule to go by in this context, especially for inexperienced players.

So if everything you want to do in your BDSM experience is SAFE, SANE, and CONSENSUAL, proceed and make your kinky fantasies your realities. The big question you SHOULD be asking about any of your BDSM play is; "Is this SAFE, SANE, and CONSENSUAL?"

See also