Ultimate satisfier slim - sex toy by Doc Johnson - review by Dawn (Lilac Distraction)

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Quite possibly the worst toy ever.

Ever wanted to see how vibrator motors work? Want the loudest toy possible? Want to have a "bottom of the line" reference point? Check out this thing. The only redeeming factor it has that keep it from becoming trash is that my cat likes it. Other than that, I wouldn't even give this thing away.
Published:
Pros:
It vibrates.
Cons:
Cheap material, sharp seam, LOUD!, not waterproof.
Rating by reviewer:
1
extremely useful review
I should have known when I clicked the "add to cart" button for this free gift that it may not be all it was cracked up to be. I looked at the pictures and though "Hmm, what a nice free vibe. It'll be fun to try it out." I placed my order and I waited for this thing to show up. When my order finally arrived, I dug out the items I had paid for and I noticed something was rolling around in the bottom of the box. I reached my hand in to discover this toy without any packaging, directions, or anything else attached to it. The only other mysterious object in the box was a thin, plastic sleeve. Was the vibe supposed to be in there? Probably.

I began inspecting it, running my hands over it to feel the texture. The shaft of the toy is slightly textured and rough, but not enough to cause any sort of difference in the sensation. The head of it is very smooth and shaped almost like the tip of a finger, but then I noticed something that wasn't appealing at all. Where the head and the shaft meet, there is a seam. Other toys may have tiny seams that aren't easily felt or seen, but that's not the case with this one. In fact, while running my fingers across it, it seemed pretty sharp. I don't think I want to tear up my inside girly parts with this one. No insertion for me, thanks. The toy is made of a slightly transparent plastic material. When you look closely at it, or let light shine through the head, the inside looks incredibly scratched up with some sort of rough, brushed pattern in it. The motor is clearly visible. I'm not usually a fan of being able to see what's going on because it takes away the mystery. Upon an even closer inspection of the seam will reveal a lot of glue. Well, I guess I know how they hold it together now.

I opened the battery compartment to get a little closer look at the insides. You know how other vibes have a small piece of paper in them? This one had a whole roll of it! At first, I wanted to see if the paper was needed, because it made insertion of the batteries really difficult. I popped in my 3 AA's and turned the dial. WHOA! My neighbors probably thought I had my blender going! Ok. I'll try it with the paper. Ahh! Still sounds like I'm making margaritas! The power was pretty high, but I just couldn't get over the noise, and I really don't want my neighbors to think I'm making mixed drinks at all times of the day and night! On top of the noise level, it's not even waterproof, so I can't take it in the shower to drown out some of the noise.

If dollar stores ever sold a vibrator, I'm pretty sure you'd see this sitting on their shelves. It just leads me to ask "What's up, Doc?"

So, for a basic run down:
-Made of cheap, crappy plastic.
-Sharp seam where glue is visible. Not recommended internally due to this.
-A whole roll of paper in the battery compartment doesn't make it any less loud than a jackhammer.
-For all that noise, you only get medium level intensity.
-Not waterproof.
-Neighbors will question what you are up to.
Experience
I really haven't had a good chance to use this because of the obnoxious noise level it has. Even though it does have some pretty nice vibrations to it, and would probably work well, the cheap quality of the toy and overall noise have made it completely unappealing.

On the other hand, I have found a few alternate uses for this toy:

-Pet massager: My cat loves when I pet her with a vibrator. Thankfully, she isn't terrified of the noise. Lucky for her, this one is all hers.
-Learning device: Ever wanted to know how vibrator motors work? Throw some batteries in this one and watch it go!
-Gag gift: Ever want to pull a prank on someone who lives with roommates? Give them one of these as a gift. When they go to have some alone time, everyone will know what they're up to.
-Neighbor irritator: Are your apartment neighbors getting on your nerves? Turn this on and put it against the wall!
Follow-up commentary
I've had this for over a month now and it never comes out of the box. Maybe one day, if all my other toys break, I'll find a use for this, but I highly doubt that will happen. I really, honestly wouldn't even give this thing away. I'm happy that EF discontinued it.
This content is the opinion of the submitting contributor and is not endorsed by EdenFantasys.com
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My Ultimate satisfier slim tags
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Bachelor/ bachelorette party
    • Gag gift
    • Masturbation
  • Where
    [ ? ]
    Where / what types of places can this product be used?
    • Bedroom / on a bed
  • Body / part areas
    [ ? ]
    What areas on the body can this product be used / what areas does it stimulate best?
    • Clitoris
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Comments
  • sexyintexas
    Glad I'm not the only one who HATED this seam. I don't like mine either. Great review lol, love the tips on what to use it for
  • Ms. Spice
    thanks for the review! it sucks this toy sucks lol
  • IrishLassie
    Im sorry the toy didnt work out. However, I wish I had this toy back when I lived in an apartment. Thanks for taking the time to review it and Im glad your cat likes it.
  • kelaaa33wish
    Thanks for the review, love the neighbor comment.
  • Pleasure Piratess
    Thank you so much for the great review and all your suggestions on how to use the toy! I think I want one now just so I can try them all out! lol
  • Research
    Sounds like a no-go to me.
  • Ivy Wilde
    Really fun review. Love how you pet your cat with your vibrator.
  • Triple X Moma
    I agree very much with you about this toy. Great review.
  • VioletMoonstone
    Reading your review was really entertaining! I got one of these too and my review was so awful they had to take it down. lol. I really disliked the texture on it because it felt scratchy and the seam was awful too. I don't know what they were thinking with this one.
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