Holy crap, we’re doing a review on the Head Honcho?! The Super Head Honcho was awesome, this will be just as great, right?
…
Right?
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…right?
…Let’s just get this over with.


So it’s a masturbator right?

Yeah, I guess. Lube it, put it on the penis and stroke, rather rinse repeat.

Does it standup on its own, or no?

It’s not hands free, it’s not that awesome.

Um… okay, can women get any pleasure from this?

If men, the target demographic couldn’t, I doubt women could.

You didn’t like this.

NO! This sucked, it, it just sucked. No, I take that back, if it sucked, it would have been fulfilling its duty, this just kinda stood there. It offered no sensation, no stimulation and was about the same price as the FAR SUPERIOR Super Head Honcho. I honestly hated this toy so much it was thrown away after a few uses.

So that’s why there aren’t any pictures...

Yes.

Well, is there a good time to use this toy?

No.
Is that a transition, I think it is!

So, why does this su… blow? No, that doesn’t seem right either. Stimulate genitals in a pleasurable manner? Too cold. Why didn’t this toy meet your level of satisfaction?

It was the material, there just weren’t enough bumps, or nubbles or whatever you call it. It’s like the fat/lean percentage on hamburger. The generally accepted amounts are 80% lean to 93%, with 90% being my preference. That what the Super Head Honcho was a glorious 90% lean slab of perfect hamburger. The Head Honcho is that pink slime they put into hamburger, greasy, fatty and disgusting.

Isn’t the Super Head Honcho pink?

It was a metaphor.

So it felt bad?

Not so much bad, as unremarkable. There were so few nubbles and they were so big that it provided almost no sensation aside from the lubricant. While tight, that was irrelevant, because without sensation it was like sticking y penis through a hard tube.

Ouch. What is this made of?

TPR Silicone. This is a combination of rubber, which comes from a tree, and silicone. Only water based lubricant is usable with this material. Unless you want to destroy it! Since silicone destroys silicone, for those who want to melt this sucker like it deserves, splash some silicone on it and watch it burn! I haven’t tried this, but I hope it works, BECAUSE I HATE IT SOOOOOOOOOO MUCCHHHH!!!!!!!

Did it smell like anything?

Mildly chemical, although it was a long time ago and I don’t remember it very well. I do recall that it was quite floppy.

Who would you recommend this for?

NO ONE.

How big was this toy.

Five inches long. While this is a stretchy material, it doesn’t stretch enough to accommodate all users. About one half inch is the outer lips of the toy, which doesn’t accommodate the penis, so only 4.5 inches really offers any stimulation. Due to the size, users with penises six inches or longer will have problems, 3-4 inches will have inconveniences. The diameter is 2.5 inches, so wide users shouldn’t have problems, especially considering the stretchiness.

Does the design work?

No part of it works, but it will envelop the penis well. Since it is close ended, it provides greater suction, not that it matters, but it will also pool the semen in the bottom of the toy.

What about hiding it?

It’s small, so it can be hidden in a lockbox, or footlocker. The mouth has a crudely etched vagina though, so it’s not discrete, so take precautions if discretion is important.

And travel?

The only reason to travel with this is to bring it to Mordor and thrust it into the flames, freeing penises everywhere from its reign of terrible mediocrity.

I don’t wanna go to Pakistan!

Did you try using this in water?

It’s an inanimate object, it won’t drown. Besides water based lube doesn’t last long in the shower and since only water is usable, it likely wouldn’t have worked, even if worth using.

Is it loud?

Like getting an inexperienced blowjob. Smack, smurk, blurrrk. Rather noisy.

What about taking care of this toy?

Why would you want to maintain something so horrible? It should be forced into a state of woeful deterioration, culminating in the dissolution of its body, molecule, by molecule. That being said, hot water and a light soap would work wonders. Once clean, set out to dry and use later at your displeasure.

As there is some silicone, keep it away from your toys that don’t deserve to be melted or wrap it in some form of covering. The silicone also necessitates the use of water-based lubricants, unless melting the toy is the desired result. Given the sensation, its cathartic melting will be the only pleasure this toy could bring.

The Super Head Honcho came in a nice box, what’s the packaging like here.

It was a bag.

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GOD I HATED THIS SOOOOOO MUCH!

If you can’t tell how I feel about this by reading the painfully obvious lines, there’s something wrong with you.