Where art thou, Astroglide?

Finding a decent glycerin- and paraben-free, water-based lube has become somewhat of an obsessive quest for me. I produce virtually no natural lubrication, regardless of arousal level or amount of foreplay. To further my lube woes, I'm allergic to parabens and sensitive to glycerin.

Ideally, all lubes would be paraben free. Not to be alarmist and although parabens are hotly debated like aspertame, there is the possiblity of parabens being linked to breast cancer and acting as estrogen mimickers. As for glycerin, the sugars present can increase the likelihood of yeast infections and urinary tract infections, especially for people more prone to them.

The problem with Astroglide is a complete lack of staying power. As soon as it's applied, it is absorbs practically on contact. If you are a more moist lady who needs a little something to ease the way or are just inserting a toy vaginally with little to no thrusting, this lube is passable and workable. I'd avoid this completely for more vigorous play and anal. For someone who is as dry as the sahara down there, my partner's saliva literally has more staying power.

This lube is thin, watery, and extremely slippery. I'd say it is slightly more viscous than saliva. It gets everywhere quickly, so make sure you apply fast! It leaves no residue or tacky finish and during play, never gets gummy or stringy. It doesn't stain fabric and cleans up easily with a damp wash cloth or your standard baby wipes. Barring whatever else you were up to, there is no burning need for a shower after you're done.



A photo of the dollop of the lube. Due to how thin it is and how fast it disappears, you go through a lot of it quickly.



It almost completely disappears into the skin after barely running your fingers through it. I understand body safe is often the trade off for reapplication, but I'd hope for at least a few minutes, not seconds.

Astroglide has a slight chemical smell that I don't notice unless my nose is directly in it. As for taste, there is the signature soapy, bitter taste similar to the original formulation. The paraben-free version tastes less sweet, perhaps to due the absence of the sugary glycerin. If you have oral scheduled on the menu, apply this after. Even after it has absorbed or wiped off, the skin still retains the taste for a while.

It slicks up well enough for initial entry but promptly does a disappearing act. As I am so dry and produce no natural wetness, I think this would be less of a problem for more moist ladies. My partner has to constantly stop and reapplying, raising both our frustration. Regardless of how much we slather on (a dime to a freaking palmful), my skin sucks it up like sponge.

The purpose of lube is to lubricate and it doesn't even do that for a minute. If you have need for an actual lube and not cellulose-thickened water, avoid this entirely. It's frustrating that this is the only paraben- and glycerin-free lube available in (at least Canadian) mass market retailers, but there are superior options available online for roughly the same price.

I've seen this available in both 75ml and 140ml (or roughly 2.5oz and 5oz for those of you still on metric). This comes in the standard curvy, easy to hold Astroglide bottle with a pastel green flip cap. It is easy to open with one hand and the curve makes it easy to hold for even the most lubed up hands. The bottle is sturdy and small enough for easy travel.

It says lubricant right on the bottle and everyone and their mother will probably recognize the brand Astroglide, so stash this in your usual hiding spot. (Though there has been more than one occasion where I've accidentally grabbed a similar shaped bottle of hand sanitizer than this in the heat of the moment).

The back of the bottle describes the usual lube how to (you know the drill, apply to genital region, enhance condom use, etc.).

As for warnings, do not store at extreme temperatures, clean up spills immediately as it is so slick and won't do a disappearing act on inorganic surfaces, and discontinue if discomfort occurs.





Apologies for the less than stellar quality of the pictures, but my cell phone camera is all I have access to at the moment.

There ain't no bells or whistles here, just your standard body safe lube.

Ingrediants:

-Purified water

-Butylene glycol (common humectant and solubilizer used in cosmetic and food preparations).

-Xylitol (a sugar alcohol sweetener used as a naturally occurring sugar substitute. Glycerin free lubes generally either use cellulose or Xylitol and both are non toxic, but cellulose is preferred as it gives to taste to the base formula).

-Propylene glycol (an organic alcohol compound, which does not cause sensitization and it shows no evidence of being a carcinogen or of being genotoxic low toxicity, and is a FDA approved direct food additive. Huh.)

-Polyquaternium 15 (a synthetic, totally safe polymer used to keep the formula from separating).

This is my second review, so any and all feedback and suggestions for improvement are appreciated and welcome.