Bottle rockets Saturn - discreet massager by Evolved Novelties - review by pasdechat

Bottled "Meh"

Once again I allowed my susceptibility to cute toys to overrule my better judgment; I knew that the Bottle Rocket Saturn probably wouldn’t be strong enough, but I bought it anyway because of the color and overall adorability. Still, while it was too weak to do much for me, I think it would make a decent, pretty little vibe for anyone who prefers less intense vibrations.
Cute, affordable, waterproof, discreet (small & quiet)
Moderate-to-weak & buzzy vibrations, ridges are a pain to clean
Rating by reviewer:
extremely useful review


Evolved’s bottle rockets are essentially a prettier twist on an old vibrator standby; as you can see in the pictures, my Saturn is more or less the same size as Doc Johnson’s Velvet Pocket Rocket. It’s also powered the same way—by a single AA battery. Normally I would scoff at a toy that takes a mere one battery, but my only experience (prior to a few weeks ago) with a pocket rocket had surprised me, in that it was unusually strong. I thought that maybe this had something to do with the design of pocket rockets in general, and hoped that the Saturn would pack the same punch in a more aesthetically appealing package.

Sadly, this was not to be, but I’m willing to acknowledge that the Saturn has its uses. It’s meant primarily as a clitoral vibrator, and if you don’t mind mild, buzzier vibrations, you’ll probably love it. Personally, I found that the strength was enough to tease but not push me over the edge; this frustrated me, but might make it fun to use with a partner, since it should do a decent job of warming up her/his clit/balls/taint/whatever. I actually found it more pleasurable when used internally, but there were some drawbacks to this that I’ll discuss later. The only thing you really should not attempt with the Saturn is any kind of anal penetration; it’s not flared and it’s very short, so you could easily lose hold of it. Plus, the material can’t even be sterilized, so why take the risk?
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Bachelor/ bachelorette party
    • Couples
  • Where
    [ ? ]
    Where / what types of places can this product be used?
    • Anywhere
  • Features
    [ ? ]
    What kind of features does this product offer?
    • Travel friendly
  • Body / part areas
    [ ? ]
    What areas on the body can this product be used / what areas does it stimulate best?
    • Clitoris
    • Nipples

Material / Texture

The Saturn vibrator is made out of fairly high-quality material. It’s not silicone and thus can’t be sterilized, but it is plastic, which is safer and less porous than materials like rubber or jelly; it’s hypoallergenic, odorless, and latex and phthalate-free. Better yet, the plastic has a matte, velvety texture. Besides being more visually appealing than shiny plastic (to me at least), this plastic also feels softer and more luxurious against the skin. And while I haven’t used the Saturn with any sort of lubricant, I’d also say, based on past experience, that the matte plastic probably “grips” lube better than smoother materials. Incidentally, the base of the toy is made out of shiny plastic, and is in fact more difficult to hold on to than the body of the vibe.
    • Bumpy
    • No odor
    • Rigid

Design / Shape / Size

It was the cute design of the Saturn that won me over. It’s compact—only about 4 1/2” long and 7/8” in circumference at the widest (it narrows even further in the middle)—and it comes in a lovely shade of blue. Plus, I was intrigued by the rippling/ridged texture—presumably meant to mimic Saturn’s rings—that covers the vibe, although I wasn’t entirely convinced that I would be able to feel it while using the toy.

In any case, the Saturn is a very well-designed toy. If it were only a little more powerful, it would be an excellent vibrator for beginners; it only takes one battery, the battery compartment is easy to open, and the controls are simple (press the button on the end to turn it on, turn it up, and turn it off—voila). Plus, it’s not phallic or otherwise “obvious” as a vibrator; in fact, I actually think it’s small enough and discreet enough that it could conceivably be mistaken for some sort of kid’s toy if you forget to tuck it away in a drawer. It even has an O-ring, so you can play around with it in the bath or shower without worrying about ruining it.

Size of Saturn compared to Velvet Pocket Rocket

Battery compartment. I've had other vibrators with a paper insert (usually to muffle sound), but this one doesn't seem to be easily removable, since it started to tear when I tried to take it out.
    • Discreet look/design
    • Futuristic
    • Whimsical / artistic

Functions / Performance / Controls

Unfortunately, for all its advantages, the Saturn just doesn’t bring it in the power department. Part of the reason I chose the Saturn over the Apollo and Nova (aside from, you know, the color) was that it was mysteriously rated as having one more “vroom.” I’m definitely a power queen, but I usually find that toys rated four vrooms can get me off, so I was really disappointed by how weak and buzzy the Saturn felt—especially compared to my favorite Pocket Rocket, which packs some surprisingly rumbly vibrations. On its highest setting, I’d say it’s a low three. If I had hours to spare, I could maybe get off with it, but why would I want to when other toys can bring me to orgasm in 15 minutes?

There are good things about the Saturn. For one thing, it’s probably the quietest vibrator I’ve ever used, and it doesn’t have that annoying, high-pitched buzz that a lot of vibrators—even fairly quiet ones—do. For another, I can actually feel the difference between the three different power settings. Unfortunately, since the lowest setting is around one vroom or so, it’s hard to imagine it being of much use to anyone. I suppose it could be good for teasing, but even then I’d prefer something with a little more kick. If, however, you have a very sensitive clit and are looking for something portable and waterproof, the Saturn is probably right up your alley.

Weirdly, the Saturn actually felt more powerful to me when used internally, despite the fact that internal vibrations normally feel even buzzier to me. Moreover, the texture, which I initially thought I wouldn’t be able to feel, was more noticeable inside me than it was on my clit. The ridges don’t exactly feel like the bulbs and bulges on highly textured toys—they’re much smaller, after all—but they provide a sort of tickling sensation against my lips that’s really pleasant. Unfortunately, the Saturn isn’t really meant for internal stimulation, so I doubt that I’ll be using it that way very often. It’s too slim and short (roughly 3 1/4” are insertable) to really reach the G-spot—or at least, to reach the G-spot and apply any sort of pressure. It’s so small that when I try to angle it into my G-spot I tend to loose my grip on it. Maybe I’m unusually clumsy, but I found that even simple thrusting made the Saturn difficult to keep hold of, because in addition to its petite size, that shiny plastic base has a tendency to get very slippery in the presence of fluids of any kind. It doesn’t seem fair to call this a flaw, since the Saturn was obviously designed with clitoral stimulation in mind, but it is frustrating; I’d like to be able to get SOME use out of such a cute toy, even if not in the intended way.
    • Discreet sound
    • Easy to use
    • Weak

Care and Maintenance

Taking care of plastic toys is normally easy, but the rippled surface of the Saturn makes this one a little more of a challenge. The grooves aren’t deep, but I personally am still paranoid about not being able to clean out each and every one of them properly. If I were absolutely wild about the Saturn otherwise, I would see this as a necessary evil, but since I’m not, it just annoys me. At least the toy is waterproof, so I don’t have to worry about the possible effects of rinsing it off with soap and water (you could also, of course, use toy cleaner). Plastic is also compatible with just about any lubricant you can think of—water, oil, or silicone—so the Saturn is a pretty low-maintenance toy in that respect.
    • Easy to store
    • Hard to clean


The packaging of Evolved’s bottle rockets—which is, appropriately, a bottle—is fun and different, and who doesn’t like that? Admittedly, it doesn't provide tons of information about the toy, and it's not the best for storage—at least, it’s not the best if you’re lazy like me, because getting the vibe in and out of the bottle is a process. The plastic base of the bottle unscrews and provides a sort of stand for the Saturn. This is kind of a nice touch, but it took me a stupidly long amount of time to figure out how to free the vibrator from its plastic prison. It turns out that the base further unscrews to leave you with just the vibrator, plus a little plastic ring that, unfortunately, can’t just be slipped off the toy—instead, you have to go through one more round of unscrewing (in this case, the base of the toy needs to be removed in order to slide the plastic ring off the body of the toy). Whew—got all that? Still, the stand is convenient if you ever need/want the vibrator to stay upright for some reason.

Also, the bottle’s cap rattles around and makes noise, which irritates me only because the cap doesn’t actually come off, and thus doesn’t need to be loose at all. In the interests of discretion, I would have preferred a fixed, less noisy cap.

Bottle packaging

Base of bottle/stand
    • Cute
    • Difficult to get into
    • Would make a nice gift
This product was provided at a discounted price in exchange for an unbiased review. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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  • SkylarrStarr
    Thanks for reviewing....I am a sucker for packaging, and I loved the way this was presented. Too bad it doesn't deliver!
  • Missmarc
    Great review, thank you!
  • Boobs and Lubes
    meh indeed!
  • Badass
    excellent review, thank you for sharing!
  • hotcherry
    Thanks for the review.
  • pasdechat
    @ SkylarrStarr

    I hear you - it is just so damn cute. In a way, though, I don't regret getting it - it's a little weak for my tastes, but if I hadn't tried it out, I would have always wanted to. I needed to satisfy my curiosity
  • pasdechat
    @ Missmarc

    Thanks for reading and reviewing
  • pasdechat
    @ Badass

    Thanks for reading and commenting! I really like your reviews
  • pasdechat
    @ Boobs and Lubes

    Thanks for reading and commenting!
  • pasdechat
    @ hotcherry

    No problem - thanks for reading and commenting!
  • bh253
    Thank you!
  • sweetiejo
    Thanks for a great review, I was really interested in this one It's really disappointing that it isn't that good.
  • pasdechat
    @ sweetiejo

    I'm really bummed about it too, because I really hoped it would be a nice, affordable, cute little toy to have around :\ I think that if you don't mind milder vibrations, you might like it, but's just not worth it.
  • pasdechat
    @ bh253

    Thanks for reading and commenting
  • unfulfilled
    I have this too, it's just not strong enough for me.
  • pasdechat
    @ unfulfilled

    Glad to hear I wasn't the only one - I know I probably need a little more power than the average woman, so sometimes I'm wary of saying something seems weak...
  • pixylove101
  • pasdechat
    @ pixylove101

    Thanks for reading and commenting
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