Smartballs Teneo duo - vaginal balls discontinued by Fun Factory - review by Bethy Cassatt

As Fun Factory's addition to Kegel's great muscle workout plan, they're great balls for a good price. Easy to clean and made for easy insertion, the weights help work the vaginal walls with weighted balls rolling around inside the egg-shapped compartments. It only has ONE intended use, however, in strengthening the pelvic muscles alone, so refrain from anal play and other adventures.

The material is a plush, velvety-like silicone, with ridges and small devits on the outside for a slick look. The texture and contour however does not add hassle to cleaning, but if you prefer to use an excessive (water-based) lube, you might find yourself taking longer to clean.

Over the use of my weights, I have had some little potential mishaps-- rubbing charcoal on the outside from colored pencils and dropping it slightly wet into cat litter (... what can I say? I'm a klutz). I ran quickly to the sink, and with a little soap and water, it came right off. I can safely say (to some extent), if you get it on there, you can get it off.

THIS is the time and place when you really consider if the Teneo is right for you. Many have complained as to the size of the toy, and I must say, with an honest face that it is, for Kegel weights, big. Anyone with a small depth will possibly be excluded from those capable of using the Teneo. I am of a medium to large depth (I'm also a rather tall woman) and I even had some hard times using the Teneo. I would suggest sincerely thinking about using another weight, maybe the Duo, also from Fun Factory, if you can not handle its four and a half inch length and one and a half inch girth.





Other than the size issue, I found it very comfortable to use and walk around in. It has a very 'classy' design up close, and if I didn't know otherwise, I would assume it did not have a secondary purpose besides light hand weights with a string. The actual shape of the toy is comfortable, and while it does not cause me to become hot and bothered, it can 'spice up' a rather boring routine like making the bed. The string is just the right size - not too short to make me feel like it's going to disappear and not so long that it tickles my thighs. I'm left happy and satisfied by both the look and feel of the Teneo, but again, it can lead to sad results if it's just not small enough for your body.

I've walked to classes while wearing the weights, gone shopping for groceries, cleaned my apartment, read a book, worked on a paper, organized my closet and did the dishes and never once felt uncomfortable. I do apply a healthy amount of water-based lube to help keep it comfortable, but honestly, my body reacts well to it, and with sitting, standing, and walking, I have yet to be displeased with it while it is in use.

HOWEVER, once, about the week ago, I was walking to the bus stop, the bus passed me, and I ran to catch up and OH MY GOSH IT WAS UNCOMFORTABLE! It felt like it was going to fall out, but because the weights inside shake and cause muscle contractions to hold on, it had slipped slightly and pulled as I ran. I honest-to-goodness thought I had broken my vagina! (Well, I thought I had pulled a muscle, obviously, and when I got home and took them out, I was okay, but I was in moderate pain until I got home and genuinely scared for my lady bits.) I could just have weak muscles right now, but I would suggest avoiding taking the weights to the gym until you feel able to hold your weights and move past a light jog. Just a suggestion.

Now, when the weights are outside of the body and one takes them in a hand and shakes, they sound like bloody maracas. I promise, I have jumped, play-danced, head-banged, lightly jogged and even shook my hips, and you hear nothing at all. You can feel the weights move and work, but it's extremely discreet. Now, if one were wearing them to the beach, one probably could see the cord popping out, but as long as your crotch is not visible, there's no visible or audible way of telling that the balls are in.

(On a very small side note, my roommate ordered the Ami (Je joue's Kegel Weights, that,to be honest are gorgeous and lovely!) and found out the hard way to NOT wear them whilst going to the restroom. Please take them out before attending to business!)

The final results have been most satisfactory. I can easily grip the weights now, and I feel like I've had a mini-workout - minus the sweat and the exhaustion. It has never really pained me with regular workouts of walking around town and sitting in boring classes, and removal is, well, a pleasure. (I have significant problem remaining quiet while I'm taking them out. My muscles hold on, so it's a bit of a pull to remove, but, oh wow, such a lovely feeling!!)

Like I've said, it's a dream to clean and maintain. I've yet to have any difficulties cleaning them despite my slight adventures with the balls (hehehe, I'm just a huge flop sometimes!), but one thing needs to be said out-loud that I've been subtly mentioning (if you haven't noticed).

If you order these lovely balls, then refuse to read the fine print (I won't hold it against you, it's hard to find the English in the tiny print) then know this: 1) Do not use anything except water-based lube 2) This toy is only meant for vaginal insertion.

Silicone-based lube will react with the covering of the Teneo and create a God-awful smell (I did not learn this the hard way, but it warns of a 'strong smell', so I assume that even the manufacturer deems it that bad). Please, only use water-based lube. KY, as a whole, is water-based, so if you wanted an interesting experience, you could use For Her on the outside and really enjoy that workout you're having. I personally use KY Tingling lube: it smells like mint, is easy to clean off, and will not cause your toy to smell like poop!

Now, again, it's only supposed to be used vaginally. I wouldn't know how it could feel anally, but if it's almost too big for some vaginal users, I don't really want to know or try. The idea of weight training your anal sphincter muscle is, well, hilarious. (Sorry, I'm imagining weight trainers bending at the waist, holding their knees and making the "lifting-incredible-weight... can't-focus" face. He he he.)

Sadly, the packaging the toy comes in does not include a storage pouch nor a suitable box to reuse, so you're going to have to improvise. However, the Teneo is small (for toys in general), so I just shove it in the medicine cabinet with my toothbrush and paste. It's not hard to clean, so if anything got on it, I don't fret. It's cute-looking and inconspicuous, so it's fine wherever you decide. The best plan would be to put it in a cool and dry place and not, well, 500 feet from the Sun, but whatever makes you happy.

The packaging is, well... less that conspicuous.





Fun Factory, while good quality (and good-olde-fashioned German Made), does NOT come in an easy-to-reuse box. There is no cute storage bag. There are no bows or thrills. This was made to hang on a rack - not look sexy and "no-that's-not-a-sex-toy"-cheque box. I get down-right jealous looking at my roommate's Ami, I really do, because she's got something she can reuse and hang on to, but I got a freaking huge German advertisement for everything Funk Factory. THAT, however, does not make it uninformative nor cute.


(Just wanted to include the hillariousness of the Yes and No presentation, and how the direction to not place the toy inside the anus looks a hell of a lot like the 'can't smell it' and 'can't hear it' circles. At first, I thought it was trying to tell the customer not to stick it up her nose or in her ear, hehehe.)

It was pleasant, really. I got cute little information paragraphs and dos and don'ts right from the outside without having to really go through that giant fold-out 'manual' on use and care. (I still did just to be safe, and I'm just saying, while there are directions on care, cleaning and intentional use, they did not advise the best way to insert. I read somewhere that sitting down on the edge of a bed is best, but I find standing easier - by the way.) I got to look at my cute eggs through the plastic, and I got to them reasonably fast. It did what the box was intended to do: get the product to me, tell me a reasonable amount of information and allow for me to get it out of the freaking box. That's where the buck stops. The box is recyclable, however, so you can at least get rid of the portable advertisement as fast as possible. Maybe you can exercise on your way out to the recycling!

I do love these weights! I've had a great time: both in use and with the results from use. Again, I'm sorry if your vagina is too small to take advantage of the weights, and if you need something of a smaller size, the Ami is for you. If the shoe fits... well, congratulations and welcome to the world of stronger muscles, better orgasms, and (sometime down the road) slightly easier births.

I recieved the weights about a month and a half ago, and after three weeks of solid day-to-day use, I've noticed significant results during sex. Just three days after beginning using the weights, I was with my boyfriend, and he was taken aback by how much I could squeeze back. I came much faster than ever before and felt a greater, almost more powerful, orgasm. My boyfriend was also left speechless for an extended period of time.

It's a great feeling knowing you have something new and different about yourself - something that will change and feel better from here to quite possibly years from now. Kegel weights aren't just for the more powerful orgasm but also for a chance to help make birthing easier and easier recovery after giving birth. That in itself is like vitamins - just a little bit every day and your body is working forward to a better life. So, while it's not a toy meant for couples, in a sense, it is. It's for a better you and a better relationship with your body.