The Twilick Saga: Breaking Dong

In the far off land of Spoons, Becca Yawn is desperately horny. Lucky for her, the Tantus gods made The Vamp: a deliciously delightful dong that was both pretty as well as functional. No girl should go without one, whether her boyfriend happens to be undead or not!
Silicone, retains heat/cold, nice shape, sparkles!
Rating by reviewer:
extremely useful review


Becca Yawn never thought that moving to Spoons would be like this. After nearly two years of dating a vampire, having other vampires try to kill her, leading on a werewolf or two and suffering through innumerable superhuman encounters, Becca was still missing one thing in her life: sexual satisfaction. That was, unfortunately, the price to be paid for dating an undead guy who was ever-worried about her becoming a soulless monster like he was, and thus refused to damage her virtue. Becca, being terribly devoted to her beloved Edmund Sullen but also terribly horny, prayed for a way to find that delicious satisfaction that her current relationship did not deliver.

One day, the gods of Tantus answered her prayer. Those deities of dildos and of all other tools of satisfaction created the Vamp.

The Vamp was a perfect, albeit probably larger, silicone-replica of the cock of Bella's beloved Edmund, or at least what she supposed it would look like had she ever seen it. Not only could she thrust the dong into herself for solo play by using the base as a handle, but she thought she might perhaps convince Edmund to use it on her. Perhaps she could even use it on him (it was, after all, harness compatible and had a flared base to allow for anal play). It was the right length and girth to be enjoyed by anyone, first-time users and advanced users alike.

Giddy, Becca ran home to try her new dong out on herself, eagerly waiting the satisfaction it would surely bring.
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Everyone
    • Solo
    • Temperature play
  • Where
    [ ? ]
    Where / what types of places can this product be used?
    • Anywhere

Material / Texture

Becca was quite pleased once she took her new dildo out of it's packaging. She discovered that it was made of 100% silicone, and was both odorless and tasteless. While the silicone was sleek and smooth to the touch, there were plenty of other features to add to the fun. It had an exaggerated head and veined shaft, but the veins weren't so prominent that they would hurt while still being obvious enough to provide extra stimulation, making it sure to please any user. The silicone was firm but with some give; Becca couldn't wait to try it out because she knew it would hit all the right spots. Though it looked semi-realistic, she knew it wouldn't quite feel the same as a human cock because it wasn't warm or squishy. However, as an undead cock, it was juuuust right, particularly because it could retain either warm or cold temperature, so as to truly feel like her dear Edmund.

The only downside to the material was that it seemed to attract lint like a magnet! A small price to pay, however, for such a lovely dick.
    • Harness compatible
    • No odor

Design / Shape / Size

Becca's new dong had 6" of insertable length and a circumference of approximately 5" around the head, though it got a bit more narrow towards the base. The size was right to please most users, although those some first-time users would want to explore other options first, or else consider whether or not they could handle such a girth (Becca was confident that she could). The semi-realistic design was made for pleasing all the right spots, particularly the exaggerated head and ridge, which hit the g-spot beautifully. The base was made to be held on to during thrusting, something that Becca was eagerly looking forward to.

But the thing that caught Becca's attention the most was the breathtaking beauty of the dildo. The silicone was a very pale flesh tone that matched her beloved blood-sucking boyfriend's, but best of all it sparkled! Just like Edmund did in the sunlight! It was absolutely striking. Dazzling, one might say.

The one downside was that her Vamp would not be at ALL suitable for taking on vacations, particularly when she went to visit her mother who was very nosy. It was by no means a discreet dildo, but that was only one small downside to so many great things.


Becca knew that the exaggerated head and ridge would be the best part of her new Vamp. While she sort of wished that there was a hole for her to put a bullet so it could vibrate (hah! Let's see Edmund Sullen do that!), she thought the lovely design made up for that.

Before finally indulging in some play time, Becca decided to try the cock on for size. Popping it into a harness (she bought one hoping that she could convince her beloved Edmund to let her fuck him), she was disappointed to see that it did not stay as erect as she would've liked. However, it was something that was easily remedied, and the silicone was firm enough for thrusting either vaginally or anally.

Care and Maintenance

Being made of pure silicone, Becca's lovely Vamp was only compatible with water based lubrication. It could be washed with warm water and a mild antibacterial soap, or toy cleaner. It could also be bleached with a 10% solution, boiled for a few minutes, or thrown on the top rack of her dishwasher (she decided against the latter option for fear that her father, Barley Yawn, would find it).

The packaging served as perfect storage for the Vamp, though it could also be stored in a plastic bag or similar container to prevent getting all lint-y.
    • Easy to clean
    • Easy to store


The Vamp was housed inside a plastic shell which in turn was inside a sturdier plastic box. The box was perfect for storage as it kept the Vamp away from the dust and lint it loved to attract. The packaging also contained all the necessary care and maintenance information.


When Becca finally used her beloved new toy, she was not disappointed. Every ounce of frustration was slowly worked out of her by it's sparkling awesomeness. She let out a New Moan with every thrust, and soon felt herself being overtaken by an eclipse of ecstasy. Becca was so caught up in the pleasure that she ignored the calls of Edmund, didn't bother to read the text messages sent by Alix, and didn't answer the door when that one werewolf dude knocked.

In fact, Becca did what she should have done during one of the first three parts of the Saga: she broke up with her boyfriend, blocked the werewolf-dude's number, and spent the rest of her summer making pleasing herself. And she and her Vamp dildo lived happily ever after.

(Note: the author's experience with the Vamp was uncannily similar to that of Becca's--only without the vampires and werewolves and unwilling boyfriend.)
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  • Contributor: sixfootsex
    Thanks for a fabulous review!
  • Contributor: Andromeda
    Thanks for reading!
  • Contributor: Lady Neshamah
    thanks for the review
  • Contributor: TooSticky
    I'd of like to have heard this review, minus the vampire character. Some might get creeped out or annoyed and not even read its' entirety!
  • Contributor: Ghost
    I'd like to try this... even if it is associated with Twilight...
  • Contributor: Pixel
    ...your review made me spit-take my drink. Well done!
  • Contributor: Falsepast
    XD that title
  • Contributor: cottonxcandy
    Awesome review
  • Contributor: calcifer
    What a great review! I actually LOL'd
  • Contributor: ~Minty~
    That was the best review I've ever read. XD
  • Contributor: RedGlitter
    Thanks SOO much! Very funny review-best one I've read, yet!! XD
  • Contributor: ashboo32
    thanks !
  • Contributor: LoooveMonkey
    Some people have no sense of humor. Great review. lol
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