Smartballs - vaginal balls discontinued by Fun Factory - review by maskedpuppy

Smartballs are a set of admittedly large, hollow eggs containing two heavy balls, the shells of which are connected by a thick flexible strand. One ball has a long rubber-coated string attached to it for easy retrieval. To use it, you simply push each ball inside (I recommend using LOTS of water-based lube!) deep enough that you feel you can hold them there. They're wonderful for kegels, unless you're very advanced, in which case they'll probably be too large to get a good workout with. They are NOT good for anal play and WILL get lost, ensuring an awkward trip to the emergency room!

A lot of women complain that the balls are too large to be comfortably inserted. I found that they did require a bit of a stretch to get in, especially since the center is very flexible and the toy naturally wants to bend back on itself to create a "u" shape. The easiest way to insert these without hurting yourself is to coat the balls, your entrance, and a finger with lube, then use the finger to guide the inner ball as far inside of yourself as you can, with the other ball simply following alongside it. If you can't fit a finger in alongside the Smartballs, you may want to do a little stretching with a dildo before trying it, or simply go with a smaller pair. It's important to use lots of lube as these have a bit of drag on the surface, so don't skimp on it even if you think you're wet enough.

When removing them, do not for any reason just jerk the balls out by the string and fling 'em away from you! Keep in mind that although the string is quite sturdy and coated in rubber, it's still only a thin strand and can easily be broken with excessive force. SLOWLY tug the string until you can grip the first ball with your fingers, then gently pull them out that way. Pulling them out too quickly can hurt VERY badly and cause huge problems for you later - just go nice and slow.

The surface of the Smartballs is a rubberized but not sticky material which feels silky to the touch and definitely responds well to any good water-based lube. I wasn't impressed by the manufacturing quality, though; my Smartballs had a very obvious seam all around, and in the center of the toy a bubble of the material had formed which hadn't been removed during quality assurance. I'm surprised they'd send it out the way they did as it makes sanitation very difficult, but since I'm only using my toys on myself and I have access to boiling water and lots of soap, I decided it wasn't worth a return.

Out of the box it smelled a bit tacky, but after cleaning it with some hot water and antibacterial soap, I didn't notice a smell at all. Keep in mind that there are many small crevices on the surface of the toy which can and will collect dirt and bacteria, so this is a toy that you MUST sanitize after EVERY use - a simple lather 'n rinse won't clean it thoroughly! I would recommend a very mild ten percent bleach solution or boiling it in clean water after each use.

The balls themselves are quite sturdy. I had a little bit of fun testing it - I threw the balls and slammed them against the tile floor in my house a few times, curious as to whether the seemingly thin and brittle plastic inside would shatter. It didn't! This is a nice sturdy toy that feels well-put-together and high quality, except for the unfortunate fact of the obvious and ugly seams and the poor quality assurance over the coating.

Again, if you're super tight, these aren't the kegel exercisers for you! The balls are a bit on the large size and because of the flexible center, it will twist and bend and make insertion awkward unless you're comfortable cramming it up into yourself using your fingers and plenty of lube. The design itself is flawless - it works beautifully for me; I could easily feel the balls rolling around inside of their hollow shells with light to moderate movement. I found that it encouraged me to shake my ass a lot more and really swing my hips while walking...this would be a VERY fun teaser to use if you're into clubbing or dancing in general.

A lot of women have mentioned barely feeling or not feeling at all the way the balls shake inside of you. This is NOT a universal toy! If you don't easily feel light vibrations with an inserted egg or bullet, this probably isn't the toy for you, although it's still a great kegel exerciser. I had a good experience with it but that's not a guarantee. You know your body better than I do; don't buy this if you're not sure you're going to feel it because it will disappoint you otherwise.

I got the Magenta/Black coloration and was surprised by how attractive the balls are. The pink parts on the inside where the little indentations are was actually bright and sparkly, while remaining nice and smooth without any gritty texture or anything else weird. I thought the random cream colored rubber over the string was a little incongruous with the rest of the toy, though. It looks a lot like a tampon string, but maybe that's the idea - this isn't something that the average woman should fear being discovered wearing in public. In fact, they don't look like a sex toy at all, and they're very feminine. I don't feel uncomfortable letting it sit out on my bathroom sink next to my toothbrush. It just looks so cute and innocent!

Here's where my one major complaint comes into play. I HATED the transition from ball to string. It sounds like such a little thing but it completely ruined what was otherwise a very positive experience with the Smartballs. The way it goes from smooth round ball to suddenly string with no taper kind of bothered me, and the strings are just stiff enough that rather than melding and sticking and moving with the body, they twist and work against each other. They started pinching me so badly early on that I had to remove the smartballs to really enjoy them at all because it just plain hurt to have that string irritating me the whole time I was wearing them.

Just laying down wasn't so bad, but walking? Ugh. Jogging? OW. No thank you. I'd MUCH prefer plain cotton strings, despite the fact that it wouldn't be hygienic at all. If it was just a single string, I feel the design would work MUCH better and I could have had a raving happy review, but this one little detail utterly destroyed the whole experience for me.

Other than that, the Smartballs performed quite well. The rolling of the balls definitely turned me on when I was moving around. You won't feel them just laying down. Don't even bother. Get up and move around, do some somersaults, wash your kitchen floor - that's the only way you'll get a feeling out of them. The rolling feeling also stimulated me to squeeze, which meant a more enjoyable and productive kegel workout.

These toys MUST be thoroughly sanitized before and after each use. Due to its design and the very obvious and poorly produced seams, bacteria will get stuck in all the crevices and it will be impossible to remove without a bleach solution or boiling water.

You can keep this loose in the toybox, but I found after doing just that, that the rubber marks more easily than I would have expected. It's already so easy to get this toy dirty and so hard to clean it that it probably doesn't add a whole lot of risk to what was already there, but if you wanna keep your Smartballs in good shape, I recommend wrapping them up in a soft cloth before storing them.

I always recommend water based lube above anything else, but because this toy is coated in elastomed, you can use silicone based lubricant with it as well.

The Smartballs shipped in a small, easily concealable box which despite its size just SCREAMED what it contained. Both the front and the back had massive photos of the smartballs plastered across them, with the brand name and a description as well.

The balls were at least not loose in the box; they were wrapped up in some pink tissue paper. This seemed a little unprofessional to me (I always prefer my toys come in sealed plastic or a unique, individual reusable case of some kind) but was better than just being thrown in there, and is a little more secure as you couldn't hear the balls rolling around inside them from through the tissue paper.