History of the Munch
You might be wondering how the word munch was originally created. The word comes from the 1980’s, when munches first started. Back in the 1980’s, the internet was less prevalent, so finding people who were into BDSM was harder. There was also more stigma surrounding BDSM, and it was harder to talk about it. So, one day, a BDSM organization decided that they should have public meetings at a coffeehouse. This worked decently, but the time and place was quite sporadic, so the meetings were not always successful. After that, someone suggested Kirk’s Steakburgers as the meeting place. This person also suggested that they have the meetings at the same time every week. People ate burgers at these places, so these gatherings actually began getting called “burger munches,” which was eventually shorted to “munch”. Since that time, the name has always stuck. Today, a munch is really just a meeting of kinky people, typically at a coffeehouse or restaurant. Occasionally they meet at other places, too, such as at parks, someone's home, or somewhere else.
What is a Munch?
So, as I have already alluded to, a munch is a meeting of kinky people. It occurs in a social setting, and it is meant to be a fun, light, and easy way to talk to people who you share common sexual preferences with. Sometimes people will talk about BDSM, and sometimes people will just chat about other things. Each munch can vary a lot in terms of what is talked about. There really is no “standard” munch; it all depends on the local community. Sometimes local communities will have numerous munches, each one fulfilling a different subset of people. For instance, sometimes there are under 35 munches, sometimes there are pegging munches, and sometimes they are just open to anyone.
How do I find a Munch?
The best place to find information about munches is typically FetLife.com. As I discussed in part 1 of this series, you can join groups on FetLife. Normally there will be announcements of upcoming munches on the group's wall. So, you search for your local area (New York,for example), and then you can then join the New York group. On that group page, there will be a bunch of posts. If the group has a munch, eventually a post will come up with details about it being held at a specific time and place. Then, if you want to attend the munch, you can just show up and meet some people.
Some general Information
The first here is etiquette. As I mentioned earlier, each munch has their own community and rules. So, it is a good idea to ask about how they do their munches online before you go. Also, the first time you go, be a bit conservative and watch a bit. Sometimes people do not want to talk about BDSM in public because it could affect other areas of their lives, so at some munches it will not be discussed. If this is the case, respect that and do not start talking about it. If you discuss it anyway, you will alienate yourself and people will not like you.
Munches are for dating, but you still need to be courteous about it. Often people do go to munches so they can find a play partner or start a relationship with someone, but don’t just assume things. Sometimes people are in relationships and are just there for company, and sometimes people are just there to learn. So, if you are going to ask someone out or to play, be courteous about it. You should ask them politely and do it in a nice way. Don’t just walk up to a sub and say something like, “slave, you should come over sometime." Ask as a person first, and as someone interested in BDSM next. Sometimes dominants try to be “dominant” when asking someone out; this might work if you hit it off sexually right from the bat, but otherwise take it slow and ask them out normally.
Finally, I hate to say it, but not all munches are good munches. I have read stories where people felt alienated and did not enjoy their experience. Now, I do not want to stereotype everyone, but sometimes the older BDSM generation has different ideas than the younger one. I have read more than one account of someone younger going to a munch, identifying as a switch, and being ridiculed and told that that will change with time. The experience described is not a positive one. I have had other people talk about feeling sexually pressured, and like sexual harassment had occurred. If I went to a munch and this happened, I would not go again. Sometimes the local community is simply not going to be good, and it is better to use other ways of finding people.
So, I want to end on a good note. Oftentimes, munches are a great way to meet people, and to get involved in your local community. Sometimes equipment is rented out, play parties invites are given out, and dating can take place. They can be a great opportunity to meet like-minded individuals, learn more about BDSM, and have a great time. I strongly suggest trying them out, and I hope that your BDSM community is a good one.
You might be wondering how the word munch was originally created. The word comes from the 1980’s, when munches first started. Back in the 1980’s, the internet was less prevalent, so finding people who were into BDSM was harder. There was also more stigma surrounding BDSM, and it was harder to talk about it. So, one day, a BDSM organization decided that they should have public meetings at a coffeehouse. This worked decently, but the time and place was quite sporadic, so the meetings were not always successful. After that, someone suggested Kirk’s Steakburgers as the meeting place. This person also suggested that they have the meetings at the same time every week. People ate burgers at these places, so these gatherings actually began getting called “burger munches,” which was eventually shorted to “munch”. Since that time, the name has always stuck. Today, a munch is really just a meeting of kinky people, typically at a coffeehouse or restaurant. Occasionally they meet at other places, too, such as at parks, someone's home, or somewhere else.
What is a Munch?
So, as I have already alluded to, a munch is a meeting of kinky people. It occurs in a social setting, and it is meant to be a fun, light, and easy way to talk to people who you share common sexual preferences with. Sometimes people will talk about BDSM, and sometimes people will just chat about other things. Each munch can vary a lot in terms of what is talked about. There really is no “standard” munch; it all depends on the local community. Sometimes local communities will have numerous munches, each one fulfilling a different subset of people. For instance, sometimes there are under 35 munches, sometimes there are pegging munches, and sometimes they are just open to anyone.
How do I find a Munch?
The best place to find information about munches is typically FetLife.com. As I discussed in part 1 of this series, you can join groups on FetLife. Normally there will be announcements of upcoming munches on the group's wall. So, you search for your local area (New York,for example), and then you can then join the New York group. On that group page, there will be a bunch of posts. If the group has a munch, eventually a post will come up with details about it being held at a specific time and place. Then, if you want to attend the munch, you can just show up and meet some people.
Some general Information
The first here is etiquette. As I mentioned earlier, each munch has their own community and rules. So, it is a good idea to ask about how they do their munches online before you go. Also, the first time you go, be a bit conservative and watch a bit. Sometimes people do not want to talk about BDSM in public because it could affect other areas of their lives, so at some munches it will not be discussed. If this is the case, respect that and do not start talking about it. If you discuss it anyway, you will alienate yourself and people will not like you.
Munches are for dating, but you still need to be courteous about it. Often people do go to munches so they can find a play partner or start a relationship with someone, but don’t just assume things. Sometimes people are in relationships and are just there for company, and sometimes people are just there to learn. So, if you are going to ask someone out or to play, be courteous about it. You should ask them politely and do it in a nice way. Don’t just walk up to a sub and say something like, “slave, you should come over sometime." Ask as a person first, and as someone interested in BDSM next. Sometimes dominants try to be “dominant” when asking someone out; this might work if you hit it off sexually right from the bat, but otherwise take it slow and ask them out normally.
Finally, I hate to say it, but not all munches are good munches. I have read stories where people felt alienated and did not enjoy their experience. Now, I do not want to stereotype everyone, but sometimes the older BDSM generation has different ideas than the younger one. I have read more than one account of someone younger going to a munch, identifying as a switch, and being ridiculed and told that that will change with time. The experience described is not a positive one. I have had other people talk about feeling sexually pressured, and like sexual harassment had occurred. If I went to a munch and this happened, I would not go again. Sometimes the local community is simply not going to be good, and it is better to use other ways of finding people.
So, I want to end on a good note. Oftentimes, munches are a great way to meet people, and to get involved in your local community. Sometimes equipment is rented out, play parties invites are given out, and dating can take place. They can be a great opportunity to meet like-minded individuals, learn more about BDSM, and have a great time. I strongly suggest trying them out, and I hope that your BDSM community is a good one.
For an awesome site for locating locality-based groups, gatherings and resources, check out: [FindaMunch.com|FindaMunch.com].
It contains 1000s of links and descriptions for organizations all over the world, as well as articles for group leaders and lifestyles newcomers.
Enjoy and good luck!
~joy