Group sex is a very common fantasy for most guys (and gals for that matter). Everything around us tells our minds that more is better, so why shouldn't that be the case with sex? The problem is that the image of group sex the media portrays, and the one that is also probably in thousands of male minds across the globe at this very moment, is that of one guy (that is them) and anywhere from 2 to 20 women.
My wife and I are recently married. Before our betrothal we were together for about 5 years, and much of that was living just the two of us together. Needless to say by the time we married we thought we had talked about every relationship topic under the sun. We were wrong. I write this so that those of you who are in committed, long term relationships, but are open to group sex, might gain some important topics to talk about with your partner. Personally, I find that it is good to talk about these things before the situation actually presents itself so that you can explore the situation and both be on the same page from square one.
One of the fist things we talked about was whether we were comfortable each other having sex with other people. This is the obvious, and most important topic of conversation. Open and trusting couples may still be uncomfortable with their partner getting busy with someone else, and this is completely understandable! We just so happened to be all right with sex with other people so long as everyone is open and honest, and we are there while they are are having sex with someone else. But it is the last point that really gave me my first hang-up: being there.
I spoke with one of my good friends for advice on the issue and he said, with all honesty: "The question you need to answer now is whether or not you are okay watching, in the same room, while Jack bends your wife over and goes to town on her (Jack being the guy in the other couple who offered a foursome. Jack is not his real name, obviously)." I laughed, but what he said is true. It is one thing to say you are okay with something in theory, but when actually confronted with something your attitude could be a lot different. It was then that I also realized how much my wife and I had not talked about when it came to group sex, or sex with other people.
In the following days, we talked about many new things and how we felt about them. Some examples that you may have not thought about in the past, and other that may be obvious to some.
1) Is a full swap okay? (you each have sex with the person of the opposite sex from the other couple)
2) Is vaginal sex even in the picture? Oral sex? Some women find the latter more intimate, whereas most men would say that the former is. Generally try to stay away from the more "intimate" types of sex to keep your relationship from getting involved too much (in a negative way).
3) What positions are on the table? I know this may seem a little in depth, but try to think about positions that you might be uncomfortable seeing your partner doing with someone else. For many people, missionary position is very intimate as you are face to face. It might make your partner uncomfortable to see such an emotional display with someone besides themselves.
4) Anal sex. Some people do it, some don't. For most people, anal sex is something that requires an immense amount of love and trust to explore. This may fall under the realm of "too intimate/emotional" that I mentioned in 2 and 3. On the other hand, some women have fantasies of multiple penetration, and anal may be a part of that. Talk about it. Be honest. Let everyone know what is off limits, as well as what is to be encouraged!
5) STDs (or are they called STIs now?). They are not any fun for anyone to talk about, but it needs to happen. Any time you are having sex outside of a long term relationship where you know your partner's complete sexual history, you should be cautious of STDs. Talk with the other couple. Make sure everyone has been tested or knows 100% for certain what that do or don't have. When in doubt, use a condom! Even with condoms, you should all be tested prior, because the whole idea is to share/switch partners throughout the experience. This sharing/switching will transmit whatever is on the condom between the receivers, so be careful!
6) If having group sex with friends, or even acquaintances, make sure you and your partner discuss whether or not you are willing to risk your future friendship with the other people/couple. Sex changes things. Plain and simple. This can be bad or this can be good, so before bringing sex into your friendship be sure that it will not affect your relationship with your partner or with your friends (if you care about keeping said friends, of course)!
We have not yet gone through with the foursome, as we all agreed to take things slowly, but I will update this list as more new things come up. The upcoming holiday season will provide plenty of time off from work to talk, drink, and see where things go, so check back for updates!
I hope this short list could be of help with your own exploration, and remember that first and foremost, be 100% honest with your partner and the other couple at all times! If you aren't being honest then it will surely come back to bite you...and not in a good way!
My wife and I are recently married. Before our betrothal we were together for about 5 years, and much of that was living just the two of us together. Needless to say by the time we married we thought we had talked about every relationship topic under the sun. We were wrong. I write this so that those of you who are in committed, long term relationships, but are open to group sex, might gain some important topics to talk about with your partner. Personally, I find that it is good to talk about these things before the situation actually presents itself so that you can explore the situation and both be on the same page from square one.
One of the fist things we talked about was whether we were comfortable each other having sex with other people. This is the obvious, and most important topic of conversation. Open and trusting couples may still be uncomfortable with their partner getting busy with someone else, and this is completely understandable! We just so happened to be all right with sex with other people so long as everyone is open and honest, and we are there while they are are having sex with someone else. But it is the last point that really gave me my first hang-up: being there.
I spoke with one of my good friends for advice on the issue and he said, with all honesty: "The question you need to answer now is whether or not you are okay watching, in the same room, while Jack bends your wife over and goes to town on her (Jack being the guy in the other couple who offered a foursome. Jack is not his real name, obviously)." I laughed, but what he said is true. It is one thing to say you are okay with something in theory, but when actually confronted with something your attitude could be a lot different. It was then that I also realized how much my wife and I had not talked about when it came to group sex, or sex with other people.
In the following days, we talked about many new things and how we felt about them. Some examples that you may have not thought about in the past, and other that may be obvious to some.
1) Is a full swap okay? (you each have sex with the person of the opposite sex from the other couple)
2) Is vaginal sex even in the picture? Oral sex? Some women find the latter more intimate, whereas most men would say that the former is. Generally try to stay away from the more "intimate" types of sex to keep your relationship from getting involved too much (in a negative way).
3) What positions are on the table? I know this may seem a little in depth, but try to think about positions that you might be uncomfortable seeing your partner doing with someone else. For many people, missionary position is very intimate as you are face to face. It might make your partner uncomfortable to see such an emotional display with someone besides themselves.
Featured Product
..The vibration on the anal portion was HEAVEN. – ToyMaven69
4) Anal sex. Some people do it, some don't. For most people, anal sex is something that requires an immense amount of love and trust to explore. This may fall under the realm of "too intimate/emotional" that I mentioned in 2 and 3. On the other hand, some women have fantasies of multiple penetration, and anal may be a part of that. Talk about it. Be honest. Let everyone know what is off limits, as well as what is to be encouraged!
5) STDs (or are they called STIs now?). They are not any fun for anyone to talk about, but it needs to happen. Any time you are having sex outside of a long term relationship where you know your partner's complete sexual history, you should be cautious of STDs. Talk with the other couple. Make sure everyone has been tested or knows 100% for certain what that do or don't have. When in doubt, use a condom! Even with condoms, you should all be tested prior, because the whole idea is to share/switch partners throughout the experience. This sharing/switching will transmit whatever is on the condom between the receivers, so be careful!
6) If having group sex with friends, or even acquaintances, make sure you and your partner discuss whether or not you are willing to risk your future friendship with the other people/couple. Sex changes things. Plain and simple. This can be bad or this can be good, so before bringing sex into your friendship be sure that it will not affect your relationship with your partner or with your friends (if you care about keeping said friends, of course)!
We have not yet gone through with the foursome, as we all agreed to take things slowly, but I will update this list as more new things come up. The upcoming holiday season will provide plenty of time off from work to talk, drink, and see where things go, so check back for updates!
I hope this short list could be of help with your own exploration, and remember that first and foremost, be 100% honest with your partner and the other couple at all times! If you aren't being honest then it will surely come back to bite you...and not in a good way!
Comments