When the BDSM Lifestyle gets abruptly put on hold, what happens next?

Life sometimes makes a turn for the better, or for the worse. There are always little bumps in the road when you least expect it, and it sometimes turns your world upside down, or you keep moving forward. In my case, my world turned upside down, and I am just about ready to take control of it again.

I am in a committed D/s relationship with my boyfriend with whom I would love to spend the rest of my life. No, I am not one of those girls who refers to EVERY boyfriend they have as their prince charming. I am very picky with who I choose to associate that depth of love with. I am also very frightened to let someone so close to me that they know just from a simple look what exactly is on my mind, and it usually is what I want to be doing with that person in a very sexual way.

I daydream about how I want to greet him at the door...in a very sexual manner. I daydream about what he likes the most and how I want to give it to him. I have almost forgotten how to ask and get too scared to act. I think about him constantly and more than that, I want him in a really bad way.

We are definitely into the more extreme side of BDSM and fetishes. He knows exactly what turns me on the most, even if it is not socially acceptable -- and uses it to his advantage in a excellent way. I literally float off into a daydream sometimes and have a full fantasy that I want to act out RIGHT THAT SECOND and get wetter then a waterfall. I come back to reality and try to embrace it. I know what turns me on and if it is wrong, I don't ever want to be right. This is just how I am and I fully embrace it. Only close friends know parts of what kind of depraved acts that we accomplish. One day, I'll write a book about our daily escapades and shock the vanilla world into a stand still.

I don't have that love story that songs talk about, but I do have the love story of completely belonging to someone. I completely belong to a man, and I am completely alright with my decision to give him such power. I am a submissive and I am very proud. It makes my heart skip a beat sometimes when I think about how my life is so much clearer now. I just...let myself go. I jumped and he caught me, with full extended and welcoming arms. This is my idea of a love story. Kinks and all. He has accepted me for who I am, and I fully accept him for who he is.

We are into some major kinks and fetishes. We are completely in sync with what we want in these kinks and fetishes and know exactly how to obtain them. He is my Master, I am his Submissive. Whatever he says, goes. Whatever he wants, goes. Whatever I beg for, gets acknowledged and usually it is exactly what he is hoping for. We talk quite a deal about our fantasies that are borderline crazy in the eyes of most people. I daydream about pleasing him in ways that he wants to be pleased. It literally makes me the happiest girl in the world, making him happy. It literally makes him the happiest man in the world, knowing that he can do that to me.

We found ourselves at a road that diverges into two roads. We picked opposite roads. I picked the road to seriously start considering having a life together, forever. He picked the road where he put something above all of that. I picked us. He picked differently. I guess that is just how it goes sometimes.

Since then, we have slowly but surely been losing our "edge". We are way less on the kink and fetishes and more on what he wants in his life. I genuinely want him to be happy. As his girlfriend, not his submissive, I believe that he is doing things all wrong. I believe he isn't prioritizing correctly, especially when it comes to the idea of being together forever and not taking the initiative to make it happen.

I went through my crazy stage. I am still there. I still live it and I barely cope some days. I have a disability where I faint about six to ten times a day. I have major depression and anxiety. I have panic attacks frequently and I cry more than anyone I know. A lot has happened to us in the last two months. Things that shouldn't have happened, happened. We went through some life changing events and haven't really got past them exactly yet. I am in the middle of a battle with my body and sanity. He is coping the best way he knows how -- obsessing over things that are not about future, but things that take your mind off of other things.

We do have our burst of intimacy here and there, but not nearly as often as it was. We were literally ALL over each other in a really good way. We were so perfect in that aspect. I wanted him more than he knew, and he wanted me more than I knew. I can say wholeheartedly, I love this man and will never leave him. We just hit a speed bump in our lives and it has taken many tolls.

So, the question is, where do we go from here?
-Sit down and talk about everything we need to talk about that involves our love and intimacy.
-Try to compromise when it comes up, which we all know will happen.
-Don't stop loving even if there is crying and yelling involved.
-Make an effort to change the future.
-Don't ever give up.
-Move forward accordingly.

For example, things don't go as planned. We zap BDSM into the closet and try our best to be a loving couple without all the fabulous kinks and fetishes. It isn't the end of the world. This isn't forever. He should be working on his situations, and I need to grasp my own complications with my life. With my medical issues that are physically and mentally draining, I understand why our sex lives may be put on hold. Do not lose hope. I haven't yet, and I really hope that you don't either.

Until next time, I hope this article helped someone else out there that is in the same boat as us. You are not alone and you will get through this, just as we are gradually seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Above all else -- Keep loving. Don't close your heart up. Forgive and forget. And never turn your back on the one you know you want to be with forever.