If sex toys were like video games it would be awesome.

I think sex toy makers would sell more if they called them “gadgets” instead of “toys” and also if you could get high-speed internet on them. Then everyone would want one. Or, maybe make a vibrator that’s also a video game and when your honey finds your g-spot they get extra points. I bet no one would ever win that game. Also, dudes would end up turning it into one of those online, group role-playing games like World of Warcraft and they’d give themselves special names like “Loki, Seeker of the Clitoris” and they’d all have their headsets on and they be like “Where the fuck are we?”, “It’s so dark in here” and “Y’all, do not let Kevin into this mission because last time he went all Leroy Jenkins on us and in the confusion some of us ended up in the anus and got our fucking noses broken” and then one of them would be all “Wait up, guys. Am I supposed to plug this into the wall because I can’t figure out where the batteries go” and all the other ones would yell “NOOB!”

That would be the worst game ever.

Never mind, vibrator-makers. Just stay the course.