Happy Hooters - female intimate lotion by Doc Johnson - review by Mwar

Hoot Hoot Hooters

Happy Hooters can keep your hooters happy. Just test it on some other skin to make sure. The scent is quite fresh and it performs like most other lotions. So long as you're okay with the style of the labeling, then you should be okay.
Affordable, Gag Gift potential, funny
Might feel less luxurious for some, not discreet
Rating by reviewer:
extremely useful review


While the name isn't the most discreet labeling, you have to give Doc Johnson credit for their Tongue-in-Cheek advertising and labeling. Happy Hooters lotion can be used for more than your, well, hooters. The lotion can moisturize rough elbows and knees, legs, and more. As a lotion, it should only be used on external areas. It should not be used as a direct sexual aid or lubricant. It should also not be used on mucous membranes as these areas are more sensitive and are more likely to become irritated from lotions and chemicals.

The ingredients on the lotion are not that abnormal from standard lotions. It does have sodium hydroxide, which is usually used to cleanse or to break down/react with other chemicals. I would recommend a test spot before using this lotion extensively. To do a test spot place a small amount of lotion on part of your body. The back of the hand and forearm are good places for the test since they are not as vital as other areas during daily activities and they are easier to monitor. After putting on the lotion, watch the area for one to two days for adverse reactions. Adverse reactions can be redness, swelling, itching, and general discomfort. Again, do not use this lotion for any form of penetration.
    • Gag gift
    • Massage
    • Mood enhancer

Texture / Consistency / Thickness / Viscosity

Happy Hooters Lotion is a little milkier than most lotions I've seen It still falls in the "normal" range for your average non-colored lotion. It feels a little thinner than other lotions I'm used too and it runs a bit more. If you were looking at just the immediate physical properties of the lotion you might think it is cheap. It doesn't hold its form as well. Still, it won't escape your hands like water and you can easily rub it on without it running away from you. The lotion goes on easy enough. After a few minutes it will dry. However, if you get caught in the rain or sweat you will feel a thin film on you. This is normal for many lotions though.

The lotion is smooth; there's not grains or clumps. It is mostly and opaque white color. You can pour it easily with one hand.
    • Smooth
    • Thin

Taste / Aroma

The Happy Hooters Lotion is not edible, but it has a decent smell. The smell is not overwhelming. It won't knock you off your feet, but you can still smell it if you put your nose to it or your skin. It smells on the fresher side. It is in the fresh laundry world of scents. It is lighter. It doesn't smell like a certain age (some smells can remind you of old lady, others of young kids. This doesn't do that, which I find nice).

The smell lasts at close proximity to the skin, but you won't scent up the room. You won't be detected from a block away. The scent is inoffensive enough that you could mix with other products and it should be fine (for example, using a different scented body was or a perfume. The mixing isn't likely to make you smell bad or weird). Remember, everyone has different scent preferences and the same product can smell differently on different people. Everyone has their own unique body chemistry that can affect the chemicals and scents in a product.
    • Light smell


The lotion does moisturize the skin, but it doesn't seem to do any better than most other lotions. I think some other lotions do better in moistening the skin as well. It does have a decent smell, which is always a plus. You don't have to worry about taking a shower or feeling dirty/greasy after using the product. You may want to only use a small amount in some not so visible areas to see if your skin's pores will clog from the lotion. I've heard that some people had breakouts after using this product. It could have been due to the ingredients and make up of the lotion, the sensitivity of the person's skin, or a combination of the two.

You don't have to only apply this lotion to boobs. I don't know why the lotion is directed towards boobs. Boobs have some of the softest skin to begin with. They are not as exposed to harsh chemicals or sunlight. This puts them at a much lower rate of getting dried out and sad.


All body products come in a plastic bag. This is to prevent spilling onto other products you may have in your order. Remove that plastic bag to see this:

As you can see the lotion is not discreet. It could make a good gag gift for someone though. The two cross-eyed boobs below the title are entertaining. The lid, when screwed on tight, doesn't seem to cause leaks if the bottle lays on its side. When traveling, it doesn't hurt to wrap liquids in a plastic bag.
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  • Zombirella
    Thanks for the review. I didn't know some people have had breakouts. I was thinking of trying this but not now!
Discussion Posts Last Update
Body wash just for the boobies? That will look good in my shower 1
Would I like Happy Hooters? 20
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