After my DJ Velvet Touch bit the dust, I started looking for a high end replacement for it. I saw the Je Joue Uma, but I thought that it was something that looked rather overpriced for its design because of its simplicity. To be honest, I was actually eyeing the Lelo Soraya at the time, because I wanted a stiff dual stimulator that has power, cool patterns, and an ergonomic design. However, I was worried about Lelo's weird plastic bit that looked difficult to clean. I also worried about the toy not matching my anatomy, because rabbits have mostly failed me in the past.

Now, it just so happens that the Uma has a rather similar shape to the Soraya. The best part about it though, is that the design is completely seamless. I decided to buy it along with the Leaf Fresh as my clitoral vibe to satisfy my need for dual stimulation, since my clit needed attention too.

Now, when I tried the Uma for the first time, I was just... amazed. Oh. My. God. THIS IS PERFECTION! I think I have finally found my vibrator soul mate!

The Je Joue Uma is covered in the most luxuriously smooth silicone I have ever touched! I would have to say that the closest thing I have to the finish of this toy are my Picobong vibes, but I also have the Je Joue Ami kegel exercisers, which are made of the same exact silicone.

Je Joue proves itself as a luxury brand by creating a toy that is completely seamless in design. This is great for me because I am not much of a texture girl.

Everything about it is smooth, subtle, and sensual, and feels absolutely amazing. The texture is velvety, providing just enough drag to stimulate me during thrusting, but without the need for a lot of lube. I am a fan of velvet textures, but it seems that many silicone manufacturers over do it. Toys like the Fun Factory Bimini Flash and the Leaf Fresh are both made of draggy silicone, but Uma's texture is PERFECTION.

There is a faint plastic/rubbery smell coming from it, but only discernible if you place the toy right next to your nose. It has no discernible taste however, which works just fine for me. I like sucking on my toys to excite my partner at the time, so I like that I can taste my juices on it and nothing else when I do so.

The Je Joue Uma is amazingly filling! I am not a size queen and prefer smaller toys that are long and only moderately girthy. I actually hate how bigger toys just stretch me out to the point of discomfort.

When I saw the Je Joue Uma, I realized that it is essentially a very rounded head that gently tapers into a narrow neck. The neck then tapers outward into a flattened egg shape, which makes up the handle. The insertible end is about 3.3 cm thick, and the neck is 2 cm thick. The wide edge of the handle is 4.5 cm at the widest point. The overall length of the toy is somewhat longer about 17 cm.

Now, I have never thought that there would be a toy as perfect as this. I felt like the Je Joue Uma was made for me! It fit into my vagina perfectly, as though it was molded after me. I like that the head is filling enough without stretching me out uncomfortably like bigger toys would, and I like that the neck is narrow enough for me to clench down properly, which is something that I enjoy doing during thrusting.

The bigger, flattened egg shaped handle is great for grasping, and I can thrust, roll, and flick the Uma with no problems. This vibrator is just incredibly ergonomic. I am so satisfied with the design!

Now, I love how the Uma is insanely powerful, but still quiet enough to not be heard behind a closed door. It isn't the quietest vibe I own, but it is quiet in its own right. The vibrations are deep and somewhat rumbly, which is just the way I like it.

It has multiple vibration strengths as well as seven awesome vibration patterns, controlled by three buttons on the control pad. The control pad has a "+" button to increase vibration speed, a "-" button to decrease vibration speed, and a "~" to change the vibration patterns. What I LOVE about the Uma is that you can change the vibration speed separately from the vibration patterns, which is somewhat rare among vibrators.

You can turn it on and off at any time that you please by just holding down the "-" for about three seconds. You do not have to cycle through all the vibration speeds just to turn it off! Turning it on is the opposite: you hold down the "+" for about three seconds to switch it on.

Now, when the Uma is on, there is a little red light indicator telling you that it is on. The light is located right behind the Je Joue logo, which looks just like a sweet, little red heart. It is so cute!

I have to say that the controls, despite their amazing functions, are extremely difficult to press! The buttons are quite hard, and you sometimes have to pause just to press it down hard enough for it to change patterns. I think this is the only flaw that Uma has.

Performance wise, this toy is again, PERFECT. The length is enough for me to get the deep penetration I want while still having enough of the handle outside of me for a proper grip. It also curves upwards in just the right way, sending vibrations to the spots that I need. I am actually not a fan of internal vibrations, but with the Uma, I had to change my mind!

I had these AMAZING squirting orgasms and they actually seemed longer in duration too. I JUST LOVE IT SO MUCH. I also love how there are enough patterns for me to choose from to keep it interesting. The patterns prevent my vagina from going numb, because the vibrations are really powerful on this toy.

Here are the seven vibration patterns:

1. Moderately fast, gentle pulse
2. Gentle rolling wave
3. Slower, more pronounced pulses
4. Short, fast pulses
5. Strong, pronounced, moderately fast pulses
6. Strong, pronounced, somewhat slower, longer pulses (my favorite setting)
7. Steady vibration

Caring for the Uma is just sooo easy. It is seamless, waterproof, and does not have a pesky battery compartment, so I just run it under water with soap. It is made of silicone however, so try to avoid using oils or strong detergents on it because it will damage the material. Same goes for lube -- you should ONLY use water based lubes with it.

I also like how this toy actually holds a charge. I think that I have used it for about four sessions now and I haven't had to recharge it since. Charging is very easy, because it uses magnetic ports that just click together. You cant even snap it in in the wrong way because the wrong ends will simply repel.

While charging, the Uma's indicator light will blink red. The charger on the other hand, just has a steady blue light to show that it is still working. When the Uma charges completely, the red light stays on, but will turn off as soon as you remove the charging port. It only takes a few hours or so (I haven't really timed it) to charge it fully.

The packaging is beautiful! There is an external box made of glossy thin card. It is discreet, with the Je Joue logo patterned all over it against a purple background. The bottom part of the box shows a picture of the toy itself.

When you take the outer box off, there is another box inside, made of matte black, heavy gauge, textured cardboard. The Je Joue logo is emblazoned on the front in stark white. It is just so classy!

The box's lid just slides off, revealing the Je Joue Uma, nestled in a little dent that holds it in place. There is also a small compartment with a little door on it. The door opens up with a little black ribbon loop. This compartment stores the charger and the manual.

I simply love Je Joue's packaging. It is so classy and makes for a wonderful gift!

I am sorry that this review seems so insane and full of incoherent fan girling. However, it is completely justified!

I must really gush about this toy, because I have never felt so much pleasure from a single sex toy in my life. The Je Joue Uma feels like it was made for me, and it is definitely my soul mate. It has power, it has a beautiful, ergonomic design, and is covered in my ideal toy texture. It gets me so wet, and gives me the best orgasms I have ever had with a toy. I don't know how to express my adoration for the Je Joue Uma. I AM IN LOVE!

But don't think that this is my first rechargeable luxury vibe! I own the rechargeable Fun Factory Bimini Flash, and the Leaf Fresh vibrators. I actually use the Uma and the Fresh together, because I enjoy dual stimulation. I would say that the Leaf is just a tiny bit more powerful, but otherwise, they are both little powerhouses! I thought my Bimini was strong but these two just blew it right out of the water!