Hello Mr. Sexsmith,
I am a “lesbian” (the UK isn’t quite ready for Queer yet), married to a gorgeous Butch, with children. Secure, yes. Happy, not really.
After five years of being together, I can’t seem to find a way of getting my partner interested in sex—we had a very active sex life to begin with and it was never a problem. I am naturally curious, adventurous and somewhat extreme in my sexual tastes and drive, I will role play, dress up, have sex wherever the mood takes me. She is happy with a five minute fumble in our bed once every few weeks. She knows how it makes me feel, and she knows it affects my confidence, but insists that she loves me and finds me attractive.
So I am lost! I have no idea where to go from here... It’s a persistent problem. I bring it up and it gets better for a short while (ie, we then have sex once or twice that week) but then stops again. I feel like I'm beginning to sound needy, and I never want to lower myself to begging for it (unless the situation calls for it). I just cannot keep living this way and I don’t know what to do. I want her to grab me and take what she wants from me, like I want to do. But it never happens. There are so many things I want/need from sex/love and our physical relationship that this whole situation is very frustrating and is leading me to consider ending the relationship entirely. Any words of advice?
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