‘What I Want for the Holidays’
Shopping Guide
Sex Guides and Tips
by TSM

As you probably know, we at EdenFantasys recently held a community-wide contest. The theme of the contest was ‘What I Want for the Holidays’ – in the form of sex toys, of course. The following three entries were voted by the community to be the best of the bunch, and we can’t argue one bit with their good taste.

1. Dear Santa, by Miss Jane

November 19, 2008
Mr. Christopher Cringle
001 Jingle Road
North Pole 00001

Dear Santa,

Subject: My Christmas List

I’m writing to send you my Christmas list for the year. There’s only one thing on it this time around and I know it’s expensive, but I’m sure it’ll last a really long time.

All I want this year for Christmas is the Eleven double ended steel dildo by Njoy. I’ve been nice all year and I think I deserve to be a little naughty.

And really, there’s nothing that’s not nice about the Eleven. It’s made of stainless steel – which means it won’t harbor germs or bacteria, doesn’t have phthalates, and can be easily and completely sanitized. Plus, since it’s made to last it helps the environment by reducing waste. By giving me this instead of a standard dildo, you’d be saving your elves a lot of work and keeping the landfills that much emptier.

I’ll have a batch of triple chocolate chip cookies and a carton of whole milk waiting for you by the tree. With all the exercise of hauling the 3.5 pounds of steel around the world until you get to my house, you’ll be able to forget about calories and not even get nagged by Mrs. Clause when you get home.

Plus, if you bring it I can write a review at EdenFantasys telling about how wonderful I’m sure it is - and maybe you can convince Mrs. Clause to get one, too. *wink*

2.Lucky, by Sleeping Dreamer

I have a sweet tooth. What better way to indulge in my cravings of chocolate than on Christmas? There's just one toy on my list this year and it's the Lucky realistic dildo by Happy Valley in Brown. It looks velvety smooth and milk chocolaty rich, with a texture so creamy it could melt in my mouth. A perfect shaft of 7 solid inches and large raised testicles sculpted perfectly round like two Lindt truffles. A craving with 0 calories and absolutely no guilt, made of pure silicone that would last a lifetime on my lips and never on my hips. Wishing everyone at EdenFantasys a Happy Holiday and a Happy New Year!*

3. The Night Before Christmas, adapted by Beautiful Dreamer

by ClementClarke Moore or Henry Livingston

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
The only creature that was stirring; was my soon to be spouse.
The stockings were hung by the bed with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The vibrators were nestled all snug in their drawer,
While they visioned how strong their batteries could be times four;
And me in my lingerie, him tied down with a snap,
We had just earned a well deserved nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
That even I didn't know what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew with a dash,
Tore open the shutters and gave my neighbors a flash.
The moon on my breasts & the new-fallen snow,
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should arise,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight toys guaranteed to arouse!
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Eleven! now, SaSi! now, Elise and Annie-O!
On, Esse! on Delight! on, Flip Hole and Bo!
I want them, I love them, I need them all!
St. Nick said, "Here's a Stage too, to catch your fall!"
So up to the bedroom, they soon flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.
This man read my dirty little mind,
& I can never thank him enough for being so kind.

4.Raygun, by TSM

I’m a nerd. I’m a big honkin’ sweaty-palmed, Star Wars-quoting, healthcare reform-talking nerd of the first order. The only thing I don’t have as a nerd is replica weaponry from my favorite sci-fi movies. This is probably because I was raised by hippies who maintained a strict no-guns (even toy guns) throughout my childhood.

However, halfway through the fourth decade of my life, I think I’m ready to take the Second Amendment – not to heart, but more to loin. Thus, I’d totally love to get my Flash Gordon on with one of those space-age Double Penetration Dildo Guns. I mean, how else can one combine Buster Crabbe AND be all sexay about it?

There’s a scene from the 1970’s cult classic Flesh Gordon, when the film’s arch nemesis, Wang the Perverted (a sly take on Ming the Merciless) directs this little nugget of invective at one of his perverted underlings: “Out of my way, dildo!” Far better in my opinion, to have a dildo gun at one’s side – because then nobody will want you to get out of their way – rather, they’ll be insisting you get as much in their way as possible.

Now that I think about it, I kind of want two of them. Because while Flash Gordon is way cool, Django is even cooler – especially when packing double sidearms. Come on now – who wouldn’t want to be an accommodatingly pervy space cowboy? Just ask the ladies – pervy space cowboys are all the rage these days.